So, as you know, I'm Jewish. This week is Chanukah. And yesterday, I experienced my own personal little Chanukah miracle. For the last year, as I've been writing my book...I've been sure of only two things. One is the title: Love Letters to Maxine: A Family Journey Through Mental Illness. The second was the picture I wanted on the cover of my book. It is a picture of my Mom and Dad on their wedding day. If I'm remembering correctly, Maxine and William had a small wedding. After which, they went out to eat at a nice restaurant. (You will have to forgive my uncertainty. I spent most of my childhood dealing with Maxine's mental illness. Getting family history was a secondary goal. I simply wanted to survive.) There is one picture of this event. It's a picture of my Mom in her wedding gown with my Dad standing by her side. Next to a table. She was absolutely beautiful. My Mom was taller than I am. She was 5'6". She had gorgeous dark hair. Really, she almost looks like a model. Given her condition as I grew up, and the physical impact, I was amazed when I saw this picture. It was sent to me when I was an adult. By my Aunt A. However, due to the fact that I was living in Florida at the time, I lost that picture in one of my moves. Like I've lost many of the pictures and family treasures that I valued.
But I knew where to get that picture when the thought occurred to me that the picture was what I wanted to see on my book. I certainly held off for awhile. I wasn't sure how to approach it since my Aunt A. has been living with Alzheimer's Disease for a long time. And my contact with my cousin has been sporadic for many years. In the last couple of years, I re-established a relationship with my cousin J. And I recently called to see if she could send me that picture. Unfortunately, she told me that my Aunt has been purging her house of pictures of people she doesn't recognize. And J. had no idea whether my parents wedding picture made the cut. So, what could I do? I simply asked her to see if she could find the picture and send it to me. I've waited a few weeks, almost afraid to call and ask whether it had been found. One Sunday I called, only to find that my cousin was sleeping. And I fell asleep before calling back later to find out what the answer was.
Yesterday morning I woke up to find a text message from my cousin. With the picture. Sent with her love. I really do feel like this is my Chanukah miracle. The picture is perfect. My Mom looks amazing. My Dad looks like the cutie I remember so clearly. (I do think he got more handsome as he got older.) And I could clearly see....I look like my Dad. It was like finding a piece of myself. Whether that picture ends up on the book or not, I felt like I'd achieved something. I know exactly where I came from. I'm looking at it. It really moved me. Which I find interesting since I don't remember having this reaction when I lived in Florida and had the picture on my wall.
The moral of the Chanukah story is that a jar of oil ensured that the Temple would be re-opened after the victory over the Greeks. In my view, G-d gave the Jews what was needed to survive and move forward. And that is exactly what happened for me. The book might have gone forward anyway. But that picture has much meaning in the grand scheme of things. I'm thrilled to have it. And it will make sharing the story of my family and their experiences with mental illness even more meaningful. The woman in that picture is who this is all about. Glad to see you, Maxine.........
But I knew where to get that picture when the thought occurred to me that the picture was what I wanted to see on my book. I certainly held off for awhile. I wasn't sure how to approach it since my Aunt A. has been living with Alzheimer's Disease for a long time. And my contact with my cousin has been sporadic for many years. In the last couple of years, I re-established a relationship with my cousin J. And I recently called to see if she could send me that picture. Unfortunately, she told me that my Aunt has been purging her house of pictures of people she doesn't recognize. And J. had no idea whether my parents wedding picture made the cut. So, what could I do? I simply asked her to see if she could find the picture and send it to me. I've waited a few weeks, almost afraid to call and ask whether it had been found. One Sunday I called, only to find that my cousin was sleeping. And I fell asleep before calling back later to find out what the answer was.
Yesterday morning I woke up to find a text message from my cousin. With the picture. Sent with her love. I really do feel like this is my Chanukah miracle. The picture is perfect. My Mom looks amazing. My Dad looks like the cutie I remember so clearly. (I do think he got more handsome as he got older.) And I could clearly see....I look like my Dad. It was like finding a piece of myself. Whether that picture ends up on the book or not, I felt like I'd achieved something. I know exactly where I came from. I'm looking at it. It really moved me. Which I find interesting since I don't remember having this reaction when I lived in Florida and had the picture on my wall.
The moral of the Chanukah story is that a jar of oil ensured that the Temple would be re-opened after the victory over the Greeks. In my view, G-d gave the Jews what was needed to survive and move forward. And that is exactly what happened for me. The book might have gone forward anyway. But that picture has much meaning in the grand scheme of things. I'm thrilled to have it. And it will make sharing the story of my family and their experiences with mental illness even more meaningful. The woman in that picture is who this is all about. Glad to see you, Maxine.........
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