tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86319204295608376362024-02-18T23:34:17.638-08:00Insights By Judy - Chapter 1 - MaxineA personal and family history...surviving and thriving through mental illness.Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.comBlogger461125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-5333825990502226882017-03-13T09:17:00.000-07:002017-03-13T09:17:33.567-07:00What's new is old......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Health care is a political football. It has always been a political football. The Trump team is fighting an old fight. At the heart of it, the whole discussion is about worth. Are human beings who are disadvantaged worth health care? Are the elderly still useful? Does a lifetime of work and contributions to Social Security 'entitle' you to medical care during the time you are most likely to need it? These are questions that will ultimately define our society. Are we a society that believes in the worth of human beings? Or is wealth the only measure of worth that we are willing to look at? I believe that the way that we answer this question will determine the survival of our country. What do you think? In my forays into opinion on social media, I read an interesting comment. One of my favorite singers, Bette Midler, commented that she thinks that the Republicans are trying to "cull the herd". In other words, those seen as not worthy should die quickly. Your pocketbook is the only evidence of your value.<br />
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I've spent a lifetime dealing with many seen as not being of value. Mentally ill human beings are flawed in society's view. While some mentally ill people do have some wealth, mental illness is an equal opportunity scourge, and many are poor. Those are the human beings seen as having no value. Many of my clients used social programs: SSDI, Medicaid, Medicare, Food Stamps, and other programs that help people survive. I worked with a variety of human beings: Young, old, working, not working...mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and grandparents. I worked in a variety of settings, ranging from hospitals to programs providing people with case management in the community. I worked with people. Every one of them had worth. From the chronically and severely mentally ill to those most likely to recover. I worked with addiction/alcoholism and many other mental illnesses. I worked with those who were defined as criminal in our justice system. I worked with those dealing with Alzheimer's Disease. I worked with those who struggled with a disability. I was a job coach. Starting with Maxine, I learned. I was able to see past a condition and economics to their humanity. All of us should be able to do that. Unfortunately, we don't. That fact is where I current political stress comes from.<br />
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My blog is a platform. I'm more than willing to use it to advocate for human beings living with mental illness. My advocacy started with Maxine. It won't end until I die. Maxine, and others like her, have worth. I will continue to explore the relationship between stigma and violence. I will explore the relationship between stigma and death. I believe, as a Jew, that it is incumbent upon me to do so. My relationship with God depends on it. I hope you will continue on the journey with me. Thank you for reading.......<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-38435820632819960442017-03-10T03:18:00.000-08:002017-03-10T03:38:33.192-08:00Progress Report....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've taken off a considerable amount of time from this blog. During that time off, I rested. I needed time to just live. You know...work, clean house, love friends and family...just live. I also worked on creating a book based on this blog. The name of the book is :"Love Letters to Maxine: Essays about Mental Illness, Family, Love, and Survival". As you know, I've written this blog to talk about what I've learned from a lifetime dealing with mental illness. My experience started with Maxine, my mother. Maxine was severely and chronically mentally ill. Throughout this blog, I've discussed my front row seat looking at how mental illness is looked at and treated in our society. I'm completing my first draft of the book, and I'm excited about moving forward with the project. <br />
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So, where do things stand? With encouragement, I've decided I need to reconnect with my audience. While taking the time off was necessary for me, it didn't help with my project. This blog is my platform. The blog, the book, and our conversations are really all for one purpose. That purpose is advocacy. I think I can safely say that mental illness has never been treated in the way that it needs to be. Stigma and lack of knowledge have combined to create this horrific system in which many people don't have access to effective help. In recent years, people have been raising their voices in order to change that. I've had a strong sense of hope that we would eventually be heard and things would start to change. I'm not convinced that is true right now.<br />
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At this time in our country, all the progress that has been made regarding human rights generally, and the rights of mentally ill people specifically, is being undone. The raised voices are more important than ever. I'm convinced that my voice needs to be raised again and I need to develop my platform. I'm rested and ready to go. How about you? Ready to work together? I need to hear your voices more than ever. It's time to advocate. It's time to create solutions. It's time to make some noise! Finally, we need to love and nurture each other. That's more important even now. Let's talk!</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-9708967077959589002017-02-24T08:37:00.002-08:002017-02-24T08:37:52.636-08:00Why I Choose Healing and Recovery<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As I live my
life, I regularly experience situations in which my issues from living with
Maxine are triggered. One of the most stubborn is one in which I’m triggered by
women in positions of power or co-workers who are angry and controlling. This
problem has come up over and over and heavily impacted my employment history. I’m
not going to discuss the specifics of this, because it ends up being about
people I currently need to deal with. My focus will always be on what is true
about me in these situations. I know it has to be this way because I’m
literally the only person I can change. When I lived with Maxine, I was living
my day to day life with a woman who was basically in charge of my mood and
quality of life. Her anger influenced every aspect of my existence. Since I was
a child, she controlled every thought and experience. Her anger frightened and
depressed me. I struggled with believing that I caused her problem. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, Maxine’s behavior was of direct impact in
my life. I realize that at that time, I was a child and unable to change the
adults around me. I’m sure that you understand that too. It is fact. Children
are kind of like little rag dolls who are thrown around and injured by forces
beyond their control. I had no idea how to deal with Maxine at her worst.
Sometimes I used my own anger to try to control her. It didn’t work. That
usually resulted in more anger and name-calling. The result for me was fear and
a feeling of powerlessness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I also felt
that way when I dealt with the bullying at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took it on as somehow being my fault. I
resorted to my own anger and tried to fight it. Or I was totally passive. I
didn’t have any skills to deal with it appropriately. Maybe there really wasn’t
an appropriate way to deal with it. For years, beyond the childhood trauma, I
was consumed with anger about it. As I dealt with the fallout from Maxine’s
behavior, I also had to work on feelings surrounding my schoolmates and their
contribution to my misery. How did I deal with it? Avoidance. I left my high
school and dropped any contact with any high school schoolmates. That was my
effort at taking control and it was somewhat successful. If I’m not in contact
with you, then I can’t be hurt. I ignored any efforts to contact me, which
honestly were not very frequent. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t
attend any reunions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">When I lived
in San Antonio, Texas, I was thrown into a situation in which an old high
school buddy was in a newspaper article concerning her family. I made an effort
to contact her only because she had been such a kind human being during my
childhood. We again established a relationship, which ended when she moved to
Europe with her husband, and I went through my divorce. Years later, I found
out that this woman died of breast cancer. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I was faced with this realization, at a
time when I’d done much of my work healing from Maxine. The realization was
this: You can’t escape pain through avoidance. My only hope was in healing
myself. I really was grateful for the time that I had in San Antonio with this
friend. I benefitted from the contact with her. And it wouldn’t have happened
had I not taken a risk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Because of
that, I allowed myself to be contacted again when some high school ‘buddies’
reached out to me on Facebook. I was very selective in terms of who I was going
to let into my life again. I was looking for healing, not further
victimization, and there were some people who I remember as particularly cruel.
I didn’t have any interest in finding out whether they had changed. I know how
to protect myself now. This has been a rewarding decision. I now have friends
who knew me back when. This has added to my life, not detracted from it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I’ve also
made strides in terms of how to handle situations in which a woman is nasty or
controlling. There are bullies in adulthood also. I still tend towards that
pattern of reacting with anger. But now I have an additional skill. I call it
detachment. When people show me who they are, I respond in a self-protective
way. I will use whatever tools I have available to me to deal with it. At work,
I’ve addressed it with a supervisor. Then, eventually, I’m able to let it go. I
also use my instincts to protect myself. When it happens over and over again, I
recognize that there needs to be a limit. I’ve ended friendships over bullying
behaviors. I don’t fall into the hopelessness that I experienced as a child and
earlier in my adulthood. I simply let go and let God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 16pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">How does
this relate to why I choose to recover? Recovery is about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is about my safety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is about making changes in myself. It is
about peace. It isn’t about revenge. It isn’t about living in the past. It isn’t
about being consumed by hatred of people. It is about moving forward. Being
stuck in my past is part and parcel of depression. If I take care of the
biological issue, I still have lots of work to do. Today, I choose to do that
work. One day at a time……</span></div>
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-5963507238869457112016-06-11T06:20:00.000-07:002016-06-11T06:20:58.178-07:00From endings come beginnings......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I look back on this blog, I really see a progression. Writing has truly enriched my life. And helped me come to terms with Maxine. And my own illness. But I know when I've achieved completion. And I'm there. The problem has been figuring out an exit strategy. And because of a conversation with a 17 year old friend yesterday (Thank you, Riley!) I have one. First, the book is still the end game. I want to hold this story in my hands before I die. I have had many set backs on the way to that goal. Equipment failure....my own insecurity....self-sabotage.....life in general. But I can't fight those things by saying the same things over and over.<br />
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My problem has been that I have loyal readers. And I don't want to lose you while I'm figuring out how to complete the book. You enrich my life. You have given me the motivation to keep writing. And I literally cannot see accomplishing my end game without you. So, here is the plan. I will keep the space alive by re-posting articles. I have over 450 to choose from. Most of you haven't been with me that long. If I have something new to say....I will. And I plan to rely on you in many ways. I need your encouragement. I need you to hang with me. At some point...I may need you to help me publicize fundraising efforts. (You know I need editing!)<br />
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I believe in this project because I have this urge to pull the story together now. I'm not scared.... I'm enthusiastic. I just need to get through the complications. Just like I did with the depression and my move to Tennessee. No big deal. I can do it. But I need your support. Are you with me? Please let me know. Sending much love.........</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-58868428075481733572016-06-09T06:18:00.000-07:002016-06-09T06:18:16.916-07:00There but for the grace of God.... or why we are all potential addicts....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have a wonderful and amazing friend who has accomplished things and moved in circles I can only be shocked at. Maureen Herman, formerly of the band Babes in Toyland, used to be a client. In recent years, Maureen and I have reconnected. So I have a front row seat as this talented musician and writer continues to accomplish. I'm discussing an article today written by Maureen. I'll include directions for accessing the article at the bottom of this post. The title of Maureen's article is: "Prince: death by ignorance and fear." I found out in this article that my friend knew, and even once worked for, Prince. Be still my heart! But back to my point. In this article, Maureen talks about opioid abuse and addiction.<br />
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Here is how I relate. I get it. I understand how chronic pain can lead to abuse of pain medication. While my knees have not yet gotten to the point of requiring surgery, they are certainly moving in that direction. My arthritis has not been a pleasant companion. I use a cane. It provides support and eases the pressure on my legs. Some mornings, I'm not able to make it to the bathroom in time. (I know every spot in my space that is safe to hold on to as I try to get there.) And while the pain isn't always a problem (some days I'm OK), I know how it feels to want the pain to stop so badly that you will swallow anything to relieve it. I get it. And humility requires me to admit it. I'm human. And so I know that I will require all the support I can get to make sure I don't develop an opioid problem. Right now, I seem to be in a good period. But I get that a continuation of that is not guaranteed.<br />
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As I've read about Prince and his untimely death, I've been very aware of the commonality. I understand how it could happen. And instead of judgement, I'm filled with compassion and empathy. What about you? What happens if your body starts to show the consequences of aging? What happens if you are injured in car accidents like my friend Maureen? What happens if you are in pain? Think about it. And let's look at solutions. Without judgement. Let's talk! Sending all my love.......<br />
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***To find Maureen Herman's wonderful article, go to BoingBoing.net and search for Maureen Herman. </div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-80895692552111524612016-06-04T08:08:00.001-07:002016-06-04T08:13:11.343-07:00The meaning in my life......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Maxine was really my first and best teacher. She taught me about pain and compassion. She taught me about fear and lack of hope. And she taught me a whole bunch about mental illness. What she taught me can't be found in book learning. The irony, of course, is that she had no clue that she was teaching me these things. I would hazard a guess that she would've been shocked and angered that I believed that she taught me about mental illness. But it is fact. Maxine gave me many gifts in the middle of all the pain. And I really do thank her on a daily basis. How did this come up?<br />
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I was given a compliment at work. I reached out to a customer. And she made an effort to let my employer know about it. And this isn't something that happens on rare occasions. But I really do recognize the truth. Maxine helped create it. She taught me how to reach out. She taught me that there is a human being underneath it all. So, when I can find my center... I know what to do. I did the same when I worked in the field. I knew the person behind the illness. I learned to listen. I learned how to suspend judgement. I learned how to be open. And those skills have contributed to all the success I have had in life. Even in this retail job. In short, Maxine helps me access the love in my heart and soul.<br />
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What a gift. Mom...you are there in every loving interaction. You have created me. And the enormity of that gift is overwhelming. I am so grateful. Thank you. Ultimately you taught me that I have the power to create love where there is pain. And I think that many can relate. What have the most painful aspects of your life taught you? What are the gifts? Let's make a choice to celebrate them today. Let's talk! Sending much love.....</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-66543248168114357422016-05-29T08:13:00.003-07:002016-06-04T08:30:52.218-07:00The death of a mentally ill person is a loss.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Not a blessing. In an article on the website xo jane recently, the friend of a mentally ill woman wrote an essay saying that it was a 'blessing' that her friend died because of how she had changed as a result of mental illness. The Washington Post published an excellent response. (I can't put a link to the article at the bottom of this post due to equipment issues. I will post the name of the author and title.) Now, I'm going to talk about how I feel about the observation of the essayist in the xo jane article.<br />
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Yes, Maxine changed greatly over time. I remember my ambivalence about Maxine. She was at once loved and hated. Trusted and feared. Sought after and avoided. She was Mom. And she was my abuser. Her words could cut through me like a knife through warm butter. And I craved her hug and touch. I knew the confusion of dealing with a mentally ill loved one. And I know I wished sometimes that she would disappear. I didn't wish for her death. There were times I wished my Dad would find us someone 'better' to be his wife and my Mom. But those thoughts were very fleeting. And made me feel guilty. Rightfully so. Maxine was a human being. Underneath the illness...she was Maxine.<br />
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Mental illness changed me. In recovery, I've found parts of myself I didn't remember. Would my daughter wish for my release through death because of that? No. We have always had an awesome bond. Maxine had some 'peaceful' times with my Dad before he died. Would it have been better if Maxine had died before she got so sick? No. She had worth. And don't believe for a second her death would have lessened my trauma. She was my Mom.<br />
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The blessing comes with hope. Possibility. Treatment. It comes with the promise of good health. And the resumption of a relationship. That is the blessing. I'm not judging that essayist. I'm relatively sure that she sees that thought as loving. I think it reflects a problematic attitude about mental illness. And the mentally ill. What do you think? Sending much love...<br />
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*"An essay calling a mentally ill person's death a 'blessing' inspired a powerful response.". Colby Itkowitz 5/25/16</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-57747929879785705572016-05-21T07:46:00.000-07:002016-12-16T13:25:36.880-08:00Denial isn't just one thing and how faking it can lead to recovery..........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Denial can be many things. From outright denial that a problem exists to the minizimation of severity. It can also be the conviction that nothing is going to work to help you recover. And finally, denial can be the belief that your choices and attitudes have no impact on your potential for recovery. Denial is frequently part of mental illness. Maxine never admitted she had a problem. In spite of the severity of her illness, she would erupt in anger and abusive curses anytime it was suggested that she might be sick. In my case, even though I knew about medication and other tools, I was pretty much convinced I wasn't capable of feeling better. I thought depression was just the way it was, and I was powerless to make changes.<br />
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We may put a unique spin on our mental illnesses, but we have much in common. Our denial seems to follow similar patterns. We are not really all that unique. What brought this to mind? A reader suggested that it might not be easy to be willing if you think you are powerless to solve the problem. My thought was, that is true. And it is true for most of us. The belief that we are unable to change the course of our depression is common to those dealing with depression. Few if us go into treatment believing that things can change and our attitudes can influence the probability of success. But we do go into treatment. We learn to use tools. We may take medicine. We increase our understanding of our dysfunctional thought patterns. And, hopefully, we start noticing small changes. Which lead to bigger changes. And then we are dealing with our illness. Instead of letting our illness control our lives.<br />
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What I'm saying is that denial is part of the illness. And to challenge it, we may have to act 'as if' in order to jump start the process. I remember clearly that internally I was convinced I was worthless and would probably not find a job if I moved to Tennessee. My depression and denial were in control. My support system told me I could do it. So when I got to Tennessee, I acted 'as if' and got a job. I was willing to put in the effort despite my belief that I was destined for unemployment and homelessness. Willingness involves taking a leap of faith. Putting trust in the possibility that someone is seeing more clearly than you are. And willingness involves putting one foot in front of the other even when you think you will fall flat on your face.<br />
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For my friend....faking it until you make it is an important recovery skill. And it is something that can be learned. When counselors/therapists tell you that you are in control, that may be what they are talking about. Without the willingness to begin that process, it can and will get worse.<br />
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What can you relate to in this discussion? Let's talk! Sending much love........</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-70511303473704515662016-05-18T15:26:00.000-07:002016-05-18T15:26:00.470-07:00Being Willing..........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
One of the first things I learned as a young woman working in treatment centers was the role that willingness plays in recovery. I was working with alcoholics and addicts. So, I saw how denial and lack of willingness contributed to relapse. The people most unwilling would frequently leave treatment AMA (against medical advice). As far as I could see, leaving in that way was pretty much a guarantee of relapse. How did I come to think about this? I know a woman who works in the criminal justice system. She is in a position of authority. And in our brief conversations about mental illness and addiction, I can tell that she is a thoughtful and caring human being. We need human beings like her dealing with mentally ill and addicted individuals in our criminal justice system.<br />
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Today, we talked a bit about how you almost can't tell which came first...the mental illness or the addiction. We also briefly talked about how sometimes people would be given a chance at treatment and couldn't make it through the treatment as it was ordered. One would think that the opportunity to deal with potential legal consequences and the pain related to addiction/mental illness would be quite an incentive. But, unfortunately, the illness is too strong for some people. They can't move past denial into willingness.<br />
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As my friend said: "They really have to want it." And that is the case. I was stuck in Orlando dealing with serious depression and physical issues, so when I got the opportunity to get help, I dug in. I cooperated. I took advice. And the payoff was....I'm in Tennessee with my family. I'm working. And I have had a long sustained period that I would consider recovery. How did I get there? By being willing to do the work. By taking my opportunity for treatment seriously. By challenging my own dysfunctional thinking patterns. By being willing to sit in the pain for awhile. By following up. I could only do it because I was....willing.<br />
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Have you had times when you allowed denial and lack of willingness to influence your access to recovery? I think we all have. How did you move past that? Or are you still struggling with it? Let's talk! In honest sharing comes healing. Sending much love......<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-10248534638435325862016-05-13T03:25:00.001-07:002016-05-16T16:33:14.052-07:00Access and an unexpected step in the right direction.... <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Before I tell you about this, I have to give you a little background. I work for a retail store. Up to now, I haven't been specific about which one. I saw no need. Now I have a reason to tell you. My story is about an innovation that my company is implementing. And I'm very proud. I work for Walgreens. I really have enjoyed working for this company. As I've said before, I love having a job with lots of public contact. Retail was a really good option for a job leading me into my retirement years. Walgreens has been a pleasant place for me to work. I hope to continue working for this company for a long time. It really is the kind of job that helps me stay mentally healthy. This is truly an example of finding the job I need at the right time. I would also like to add that Walgreens has been very supportive of my activism in the area of mental health. I've been grateful for that.<br />
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Imagine my surprise when I ran across information about what my company is doing to increase access to mental health services. Walgreens is adding a mental health component to their online services. The mental health component is a platform that provides a free assessment tool for many mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. In addition, Walgreens will provide follow-up in the form of referrals to local mental health practitioners. In some places, Walgreens pharmacists will provide screenings and 24/7 secure chat services to ask about issues with medication.<br />
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As I've frequently discussed, the best way to increase the likelihood that people will get help is to provide easy access to mental health care. What could be easier than an online assessment with follow-up? It is important to know where Walgreens finds the expertise to provide the assessments. And the answer is that they are collaborating with a mental health expert (Breakthrough Behavioral, Inc.) and MHA (Mental Health America).<br />
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What I find so hopeful is that this is a creative solution. NAMI estimates that one in five people will experience a mental illness in a given year. That isn't a small problem. And as I've often discussed in this space, care for mental illness is hard to come by. Providing adequate access to treatment will require out of the box thinking. This is a wonderful example.<br />
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Do you know of another example of innovation in the area of mental healthcare? I'd love to hear about it. Let's talk! Sending much love.......<br />
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If you would like to find out more about this innovative plan, Google 'Walgreens Mental Health'. There is an abundance of articles and explanations.....<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-35241440651711215612016-05-07T07:04:00.001-07:002016-05-26T15:23:03.721-07:00Mother's Day and Maxine........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Apart from her mental illness, Maxine could be an awesome mother. I remember my Mom as being playful and supportive. She was the kind of person who knew that the best way to bond with children was by finding their joy. I remember one time when I was taking baton twirling lessons, she encouraged me to practice by marching the entire family around the backyard in a "parade". She was creative. She was loving. Until you factored in her mental illness. When you added in the illness, Maxine was frightening. Angry and nasty. Punitive whenever her children acted like children. As I grew up, I saw more of the mentally ill Mom than I did of the loving, creative one. So, as I moved into adulthood, I was more focused on her illness than the woman underneath it.<br />
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So, obviously Mother's Day has always been difficult for me. I never knew whether to celebrate her or ignore the holiday. Looking back, I think I pretty much ignored it. Dealing with Maxine and her mental illness was extraordinarily painful. Honoring her never entered my mind. I remember a conversation with my Rabbi as an adult about that whole honor your parents thing. Obviously, I felt guilty about my feelings regarding Maxine. I seem to remember that my Rabbi was supportive. He understood the conflict. And told me that honoring Maxine could take many forms. I was satisfied with that thought. It gave me an opportunity to continue working through my anger. It allowed me to recognize the difficulty of being a parent struggling with the kind of illness that Maxine dealt with. My anger has steadily dissipated as my understanding of what she lived with has increased.<br />
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Maxine gave me life. She gave me many positive memories. The fact that she was severely and chronically mentally ill robbed me of opportunities to know my 'good' Mom. But becoming an adult, learning more about mental illness, and becoming a parent all helped turn my attitude around. Even though I don't have Maxine readily available to honor at this time of my life, I have no qualms about honoring her anymore. Happy Mother's Day, Maxine. You are understood and loved. I know what kind of struggle you endured. And I forgive you. Glad to have you back.<br />
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For my readers...have you struggled to forgive an abusive family member? Let's talk about it. I know that many of you can relate. If you are struggling to 'honor' an abusive parent, we have something in common. Sending much love! Happy Mother's Day!</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-84201537309332297352016-05-03T14:50:00.000-07:002016-05-03T14:50:38.218-07:00Boundaries....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Like many people, I have problems honoring my own boundaries. In short, it is difficult for me to say 'No!' and stick with it. 'No' is really a good word. I'm not so sure why I find it difficult to use. But using it can keep you healthier. How did this come up? I was volunteered for a leadership role I did not want. I didn't say 'No' because I didn't want to hurt the young woman who volunteered me. But I didn't fulfill on this leadership role. Because I didn't want to. And I had things to do that were more important to me. Which made this person remove me from the leadership role. It caused hard feelings because I was honest about the fact that I didn't want to do it in the first place. I think this person was somehow convinced that I was upset about being removed. That was almost funny. I was upset because I wasn't even asked before this person added me in the first place.<br />
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So, what did I learn? I am responsible for setting my own boundaries. I don't have to do things I don't want to or have no time for. It isn't 'nice' for me to take care of the feelings of other people at the expense of my own needs and desires. If my answer is 'No', I need to say it. And if someone attempts to ignore my boundaries, it is OK to detach from that relationship. It is said that issues come back into your life over and over until you've dealt with it. I'm taking the opportunity to practice boundary setting. For the friend that chose to 'honor' me with a job I didn't want...if you ever add me to anything without discussing it with me first...I will leave. I'm in charge of what I want to take on. Not you. IF you choose to maintain a connection with me, you will need to do your own work on respecting boundaries.<br />
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For my readers, can you relate? Do you know how to respect your own boundaries? Do you understand the need to respect the boundaries of other people? Let's talk! Sending love......<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-39470070757053108592016-04-26T09:48:00.000-07:002016-04-26T09:48:03.756-07:00Suicide........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Suicide has been in the news lately. It appears that statistics indicate that suicide has increased by a whopping 24% over the last decade. It is now the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. While there are significant details in those statistics that indicate populations most at risk, I'm going to discuss what I consider the most important aspect of the increase. Lives are lost. Valuable human lives which could be saved if we made the effort. <br />
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I know that mental health services aren't as readily available as needed. I found that out during the biggest mental health crisis of my life in Florida. Wherever I reached out...I was turned away. And the only reason I finally got help is because I demanded it by letting the authorities know I was suicidal. I had to scream to get help. Asking nicely didn't work. I think the fact that I knew something about how to obtain mental health care saved my life.<br />
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Suicide is the natural result when mental health issues and the lack of adequate help bring someone to a state of absolute hopelessness. I know that I would have gone further down the road to self-destruction if I hadn't found my solution. I would have been another one of those statistics...a suicide. A wasted life. A loss to my family. A victim of a biochemical monster increasingly impacting our society. As evidenced by a 24% increase in suicide. Isn't it time we dealt with it? Sending much love......</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-67617210922648708862016-04-21T16:07:00.001-07:002016-04-21T16:07:46.047-07:00The Gift of Time........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Depression always made time my enemy. I was always in a hurry for it to pass in order to get through how miserable I was feeling. Or I was dreading the passage of time because of fear over some anticipated horrible future event. What I didn't recognize is that time really is a gift...one that should be enjoyed and savored. I've spent much time wishing away that gift. And I truly regret that. The good thing is that recovery has given back my ability to appreciate the gift of time. I'm so grateful.<br />
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Today, as I was speaking to my Aunt A, I was reminded of that fact. Time passes. People we love become sick and die. Things change. But we have this ability to live each moment to it's fullest. Every moment is a gift. If we are able to see that. Depression robbed me of some moments. If you are consumed by overwhelming fear, sadness, and emptiness...joy is hard to see. Can you relate to this?<br />
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So, here is what I'm going to work on. I'm going to find the good part in every moment I'm given. Even the bad moments have redeeming qualities...a lesson learned perhaps. Or an opportunity made available. Or maybe the gift is simply<br />
that I'm alive and able to feel love and joy. While I may feel the negative emotion, it will be my goal to move past it without being consumed. I have medication today. And I have tools. How about you? Sending love.....<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-41891000694359622942016-04-16T11:40:00.001-07:002016-04-16T11:40:08.663-07:00Learning the skills that lead to serenity.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've learned quite a bit over the last few years. One of the things I've learned is that "letting go" really is a sign of my mental health. Along with "setting boundaries", it is key to keeping me from falling into depression. One issue I've really struggled with is work related. That is how to leave issues at work at work. Carrying problems from work to my life outside of work has been a serious problem for me. As has allowing other people's issues at work to infect me. I have to admit, sometimes I do well at handling these stresses. Sometimes I do not.<br />
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My little job in a retail store is a great teacher. When I moved to Tennessee, my goal was to keep it simple. Working in a store is truly a way to do that for me. There is a lot of fun for me working retail. For the most part, I love working with customers. I make them my friends and delight in giving them great service. It's an awesome job for me and a way to keep my life simple and satisfying.<br />
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But here is the other part. There is still drama. Some of which I've created. Some of which I've helped feed. And some of which I've had thrust on me. And none of it is healthy. Throughout my life, I've found that drama can ruin an otherwise satisfying job. I hate drama. Really, I do. It has been a source of frustration for me throughout my lifetime. And I've seen others experience the same.<br />
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So, I'm attempting to learn new skills. The first is to make a decision every work day that I will focus on the job and let go of the drama. The focus is on doing my best in regards to my daily tasks. And ignoring the parts that I don't do well with. In other words, letting go. When other people create drama, it is my intention to continue doing the parts of the job that give me satisfaction. The hard part is in learning not to create or feed the drama. Every day is a new opportunity to learn. And practice new skills. Can you relate? What one thing are you willing to try today to increase your serenity? Let's talk! Sending love.....</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-31349094471261297082016-04-13T09:36:00.000-07:002016-04-14T20:11:17.541-07:00Responding only during crisis.........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I remember the feeling of panic I had in Orlando when my business was failing, I was lonely because my family was in Tennessee. And because I was in business on my own, I couldn't afford insurance or healthcare. I was extremely depressed. I honestly feared that I wouldn't survive. My physical health wasn't good. The combination of physical and mental illness was potent. It was a crisis.<br />
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But I can look back on my life and see the more chronic aspects of the problem. I have lived a good portion of my life struggling with depression. I wasn't always in crisis. Personally, I think the chronic nature of mental illness is what is so debilitating. I have seen many people chronically dealing with mental illness. As I've often said....Maxine was seriously mentally ill. But her illness wasn't 'crisis'. Her illness was simply everyday for our family. And that was where most of the pain came from. We never got a real break. Maxine was always mentally ill.<br />
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The times of crisis are always very frightening. I know that my daughter was very fearful as I struggled in Orlando. I'm sure that the thought crossed her mind that she might lose me. But while I did my best to be a good and attentive mother, I'm sure the chronic nature of my depression influenced her life even more. And that strikes me as the heart of the problem. The fact is that the day to day of dealing with mental illness can be very overwhelming.<br />
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While many times human beings wait for the crisis to make change, that shouldn't be the only approach. What would happen if we made mental health as important to monitor as physical health? What would happen if we were willing to work through denial and get help when it is needed? What would happen if stigma was eradicated? What would happen if assistance for mental illness was readily available? Logic tells me that there would be less crisis. And maybe that fewer families would fall through the cracks like mine did.<br />
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How can you relate to this discussion? Let's talk. That's the only way that we can start to create the tsunami that will lead to change. Sending much love.....<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-9412449879795078212016-04-11T07:19:00.000-07:002016-04-11T07:19:05.040-07:00Impossible? Or "I'm Possible"?............<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As the late and great actress Audrey Hepburn said, the word 'impossible' says 'I'm possible'. If you take a different view. Impossible can mean hopelessness. I know how it feels to be hopeless. I know how it feels to stop trusting in your ability to make positive change. I know what it feels like to believe that I have to be rescued to escape. And I also know what it feels like to live in what is possible. Sometimes recovery is simply taking the steps to make change even if you don't believe in it. Depression is the enemy. And recognizing that you can make change...living in possibility...can be survival.<br />
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I have a young friend who is working on getting into college. She is smart and capable. But she has test anxiety which prevents her from working toward her goals. In encouraging her, I'm asking her to live in what is possible. To take the steps towards her goal without judging herself. Nothing is possible when you are judging yourself as somehow flawed and not worthy. It is important for her to recognize that there might be steps that she will need to take to accomplish what she wants. It might be an incremental process that she will need to go through in order to get there. But it can be done.<br />
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We are our own worst enemy sometimes. If you had asked me when I was going through the worst of my depression in Orlando, I would have told you that I absolutely couldn't get to Tennessee. And even though I saw nothing but roadblocks, here I am. It definitely wasn't impossible. How did I open my mind to solutions? By being willing. When I stopped saying it couldn't work, it did. Amazing. And I've truly learned from that. When things look hopeless, that is when I need to be open and willing. And eventually I find options. What about you? Can you relate?<br />
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In addition, I had to come to some level of self-acceptance. I had to be able to forgive myself for my failures and weaknesses. Part of the issue in Orlando was that my business wasn't supporting me. I couldn't find a job. I was falling into a hole. Literally, I had to take responsibility for my part in creating the problems. And in the next breath, I had to forgive myself. Or it would have been impossible for me to move forward.<br />
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I think that in being willing and open, my friend will find many options. In recognizing the impact of her test anxiety and forgiving herself for being a fallible human, she will be able to see possibility. At that point, she will be able to choose the options that meet her needs.<br />
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How can you relate to this discussion? Let's talk, because sharing can help all of us move forward. Sending much love......</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-15478239699837163062016-04-08T01:50:00.000-07:002016-04-08T01:50:05.540-07:00A Force To Be Reckoned With Meets Her Final Challenge....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My Aunt A. was an important reason I survived Maxine. She was always there for my family, spending hours on the phone talking to my Mom in order to calm her down and provide support. She was there for my Dad. Of course, she has also been there for me throughout my sometimes turbulent life. In addition, this tiny woman was married to a creative and somewhat strong-willed man. In spite of her diminutive stature, she was never cowed by him. And she raised three children of her own. She also worked a demanding job as the office manager of a department at a major university. Finally, she earned a degree in political science from the same university. On her lunch hour. At 4" 11', this woman was a force to be reckoned with.<br />
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Now, in her later years, she is facing the ultimate challenge. Aunt A. is living with Alzheimer's Disease. And I see that same spirit in this battle. Although I'm not with her every day because we live a long way from each other, I still hear her character shine through in every phone call. We have always had a relatively honest relationship. So, I wasn't surprised when she told me earlier in the battle with this overwhelming disease that she wished she could kill herself. But she didn't. Instead, she has faced the challenge. With the same strength and grace I have always seen in her.<br />
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When I look back at what she gave me, I'm awed. She showed me how to live life on life's terms. She was my first introduction to a human being living in love and possibility. Aunt A. is so much bigger than her height would indicate. The power in this woman is extraordinary. I'm so grateful that she was there for me, because she taught me how to live. And as the Alzheimer's progresses, she continues to lead by example. Her light may appear to be dimming, but it shines as strongly as ever for me. Truly, I will love you forever, Aunt A. Thank you for being who you are.<br />
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Thank you, my dear friends, for listening. Sending much love.....<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-24548740502287125042016-03-28T17:11:00.002-07:002016-03-29T14:39:06.280-07:00Finding courage....the relationship between hope and willingness.........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have a good friend who is dealing with a health issue. It is a physical illness that could very well lead to her death. At this point, the illness is very slowly progressing. Which obviously means that her risk of dying is decreased if she is able to maintain the slow progression of the disease. My friend, being intelligent, did some research about treatments and tools that are likely to increase her chance of success. She found that stress and her attitudes could strongly influence the path her disease and life take. Seems like a really difficult problem for someone to have. While she is facing a potentially fatal disease, she is learning that the attitude she approaches it with may make all the difference. Kind of reminds me of my experience with depression. We all know that depression can also lead to death. In all illnesses, I believe that there is a mind/body connection.<br />
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At the core of it, if you can't maintain hope, you will speed up the progression of your disease. People without hope don't get treatment. People without hope don't use tools. People without hope don't reach out for support. They isolate. And to survive, they have to be willing to obtain treatment, use tools, and find support. Surviving depression and increasing your chances of living in spite of serious physical illness seem to have a commonality. Hope. And the active manifestation of hope, which is willingness to take action.<br />
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The reality for me was that I had support when I battled the worst depression of my life. And I was able to use that support to make change. I took the steps necessary, including moving to Tennessee. When I got to Tennessee, I used all the tools I needed to in order to deal with the fact that I'm living with mental illness. The action, and my willingness, likely saved my life. Treatment, spirituality, physical exercise, and the other changes I made led to a long and satisfying recovery. I was amazed. I'd lived without real hope for a long time.<br />
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For my friend, maintaining a positive attitude will make her survival more likely. She needs support, and willingness to use tools. Her health and future are dependent on it. I've always wondered how I would face the challenge of a potentially fatal physical illness. I believe my friend has the hope and willingness to do so. She also has courage in spades. I'm learning from watching her.<br />
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How can you relate to this discussion? Have you been able to create hope in spite of depression? How? Let's talk! Sending love.......<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-80197826555662974042016-03-28T17:11:00.000-07:002016-03-29T14:41:26.556-07:00Finding courage....the relationship between hope and willingness.........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have a good friend who is dealing with a health issue. It is a physical illness that could very well lead to her death. At this point, the illness is very slowly progressing. Which obviously means that her risk of dying is decreased if she is able to maintain the slow progression of the disease. My friend, being intelligent, did some research about treatments and tools that are likely to increase her chance of success. She found that stress and her attitudes could strongly influence the path her disease and life take. Seems like a really difficult problem for someone to have. While she is facing a potentially fatal disease, she is learning that the attitude she approaches it with may make all the difference. Kind of reminds me of my experience with depression. We all know that depression can also lead to death. In all illnesses, I believe that there is a mind/body connection.<br />
<br />
At the core of it, if you can't maintain hope, you will speed up the progression of your disease. People without hope don't get treatment. People without hope don't use tools. People without hope don't reach out for support. They isolate. And to survive, they have to be willing to obtain treatment, use tools, and find support. Surviving depression and increasing your chances of living in spite of serious physical illness seem to have a commonality. Hope. And the active manifestation of hope, which is willingness to take action.<br />
<br />
The reality for me was that I had support when I battled the worst depression of my life. And I was able to use that support to make change. I took the steps necessary, including moving to Tennessee. When I got to Tennessee, I used all the tools I needed to in order to deal with the fact that I'm living with mental illness. The action, and my willingness, likely saved my life. Treatment, spirituality, physical exercise, and the other changes I made led to a long and satisfying recovery. I was amazed. I'd lived without real hope for a long time.<br />
<br />
For my friend, maintaining a positive attitude will make her survival more likely. She needs support, and willingness to use tools. Her health and future are dependent on it. I've always wondered how I would face the challenge of a potentially fatal physical illness. I believe my friend has the hope and willingness to do so. She also has courage in spades. I'm learning from watching her.<br />
<br />
How can you relate to this discussion? Have you been able to create hope in spite of depression? How? Let's talk! Sending love.......<br />
<br /></div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-81761749913542400652016-03-12T11:06:00.000-08:002016-03-14T11:47:48.143-07:00Nobody can do it for you..........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When my daughter encouraged me to move from Orlando when I was seriously depressed and struggling, she really didn't promise to make it all better. She did tell me that she would help me get back on my feet. And she kept that promise. I had temporary housing. I had encouragement during my job search. She helped me problem-solve as needed. But, she didn't do it for me. Really, she couldn't. I was very aware as I made the move that most of what needed doing was my responsibility. And part of the reason that I'm still standing...surviving and thriving.....is that I took that responsibility seriously.<br />
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Now, when you are depressed, it isn't easy to recognize that. You want to have someone else take over and solve the problems. Been there, done that. But what I've learned is that nobody else can do it for me. I got a job because I applied for jobs. I made it to Tennessee because I made arrangements to make the move. And in solving problems, I had to accept that progress would be incremental. The first place I lived was unacceptable, with a landlord who told me that I could only turn on one lamp at a time, and then avoided making repairs when the plumbing totally went out. The second place was more like it, although it isn't perfect.<br />
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Why did this come up? A FB friend reached out to me with a mighty dose of depression and hopelessness. And he seems to expect me to solve the problems. I can't do that. Which seems reasonable to me. I don't want to be in charge of his life. I am willing to be a cheerleader. I have a passion for helping people find the spark and the options for dealing with depression. I can give him ideas. But the reality is that I can't change his path. He is responsible for doing that. I would like to see my friend get help. I don't know whether that is possible. He lives in another country. But I can tell him that in order to move forward, he may need assistance. From a 'system' of resources. Not from one person who will make it all better. And going beyond that system......he will need to find it in himself to nurture himself. And be willing to go outside his comfort zone. I encourage him to take some risks for recovery. Just like the road that led me to Tennessee, it might make all the difference. Can you relate? Let's talk! Sending love......<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-87572144162118814832016-03-07T16:30:00.000-08:002016-03-08T17:04:08.966-08:00Getting back to work......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Mental illness shows up in every aspect of life. In relationships. In finances. In daily experience. I found this out early because wherever Maxine went, I felt pain. There was no hiding. My mentally ill mother was totally out there, and unfortunately, I carried the shame. So, is it any surprise that I bcame a student of how my mental illness impacted my life generally? And specifically, I was interested in how my work was impacted. I frequently had problems at work. In spite of my clear talent for working with my client base, I struggled. Didn't complete my graduate degree. Had little confidence. Faced overwhelming depression which impacted performance. I became caught up in the politics between the people I worked with. In short, work was not always a sanctuary for me. And really, I'm not alone. Work, or not working, was always an issue for my clients. Which impacts survival. I can't tell you how many clients were either struggling with obtaining social security. Or trying to survive on it.<br />
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I've always wanted to work. I enjoy it, even with the complications. I enjoy the challenge. I love people types of jobs. Even with the difficulties, I want to work. But many of the people that I've known who live with serious and chronic mental illnesses can't work. And those who live with illnesses 'less debilitating' struggle when dealing with the realities of the workplace. I have a friend who is smart, capable, and professional. But the stresses of the workplace have sometimes led to hospitalization and periods spent on disability. The stresses at work frequently lead to breakdowns. Her mental illnesses always have an impact.<br />
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The most interesting conversation I ever had with her about this involved her view that she cannot be honest about her struggles at work. She talked about how corporate life doesn't allow for honesty about "weaknesses". Very sad. I wonder why this woman can't seem to find support and mentoring in order to work through the issues? She is pretty clear that there isn't any understanding at work. I suspect that is true. Stigma is alive and well. Have you experienced stigma in the workplace? Let's talk! We know that challenging stigma means becoming painfully honest. Sending lots of love.........</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-69649050801723466062016-03-04T05:59:00.000-08:002016-03-06T06:55:04.901-08:00Making progress really doesn't mean perfection......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My recovery from depression has been awesome. But it has had ups and downs. It also has required much of me, because I'm having to deal with life as it is. And sometimes life is very messy. So, I muddle through. And I keep checking to make sure I'm still on the correct path. Which means that recovery for me is a learning procsss. Truly, I take one step at a time. Why did this come to mind? I'm watching as a friend of mine tries to find her path. In some ways, her path is much more complex than mine. My life may be messy....but I'm dealing with far less than she is. This young woman has more than one diagnosis. The complexity of her mental health issues seriously compromises her physical health. And the result is that her battle is seriously a challenge.<br />
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The fact that gives me hope for her is that she has deternination in spades. She has a great deal of courage. And as she continues to work through things, including medication changes, I continue to have hope for her. But like for most of us, her path isn't going to be straight up. We all hit roadblocks. We all hit periods where we don't think we are going anywhere. Those of us who survive continue the battle in spite of the problems. I have felt lucky bcause I've had wonderful support as I experienced the bad times. So, I'm able to maintain. Since I moved to Tennessee, I've had few periods or issues that seriously challenged my recovery. I always knew there was a path through.<br />
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I'm lucky. I have medication and it works. I have a job, and while it isn't perfect....I am provided for and have something to do which I truly enjoy. I have support. I'm living a satisfied life, which I love documenting in this blog. But I know the complexity of mental illness. I still remember how badly I wanted to die at some points in my journey. And I've seen the hopelessness in other lives. From Maxine to many of my clients.....I've seen the pain. And my prayer is that everybody living with mental illness finds their path. It is possible. But only if we take the problem seriously. <br />
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My friend is getting help. Sometimes it seems to be working. Sometimes it doesn't. But there is hope. And as I always tell you, my love, hang in there! You deserve a healthy and peaceful life. Sending all my love........</div>
Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-47136393824823925012016-02-27T06:58:00.000-08:002016-02-27T08:34:28.391-08:00Making it awful.........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
One of my most persistent patterns is that I can make any situation worse in my head than it actually is. I call it "awfulizing". My mind goes automatically to the worst possible outcome...whatever the issue. Even though I am aware of this pattern, I still get stuck in the negativity unless I actively address it. How did I recognize it? I've been dealing with health issues over the last few years. I have arthritis in my knees. It is centered in my knees, but it has impacted other areas of my body. My hips, my shoulders, and my hands have all been sore. So, where does my head go? I'm seeing myself in the wheelchair permanently. This is made worse by the fact that my Dad had pretty serious arthritis. He ended up in the hospital periodically during my growing up years. That has been what I've pictured as my knees became worse. Because I've moved around a great deal and had inconsistent healthcare, I've never had a situation in which I felt the issue was dealt with. Recently, it has felt like it was getting worse. I have a new medical practitioner...who really listens. And it has been dealt with. So, now I have the complete picture. And some options for treatment. Which will end the awfulizing. <br />
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So, what did I learn from this situation? I know that my mind goes to the worst possible scenario because of depression. And this pattern thrives when I don't know the whole story. As my excellent new medical practitioner sat down with me to talk out my physical reality and treatment options....I felt the fear and hopelessness recede. I have the facts. I have a clear picture of what is going on in my body. I get what the future might hold with my physical problems....and it doesn't seem as bad as what I was imagining. I have answers for even the 'smaller' problems. My heart has been speeding up sometimes, and the awfulizing has extended to believing that I'm dying from heart disease. Here is the truth. My thyroid medication is too high. I need a medication adjustment. That is all. My depressed mind can create tragedy from everyday facts. Recognizing that is difficult, but having information....the complete story....helps.<br />
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Can you relate to my experience? How? How have you learned to battle the 'awfulizing'? Remember, sharing our stories can lead to healing. Let's talk! Sending love.......<br />
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631920429560837636.post-66772542908463391572016-02-15T08:59:00.002-08:002016-02-15T12:10:24.716-08:00The House........<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The house that I grew up in is a significant part of my story. It was a small house located in suburban Chicago. My Dad worked hard to buy that house because it was connected to his service in WWII. Like many of his generation, he bought the house with a VA home loan. I'm pretty sure that the purchase of the house was a sign of hope and a source of pride for my parents. If I'm remembering correctly, the house was purchased because my parents wanted to provide a safe, nurturing place for their children to grow up. I remember my parents joyfully telling me about the first time they allowed me to play in the grass in my new front yard. As they told me, the grass scared me at first. Then it provided me with a place to run and play. The house was really pretty when it was first bought. It had just enough room for our small family. It also had a wonderful backyard with lots of trees and a small hill to roll down. Nirvana for a small child.<br />
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As my mother became mentally ill and deteriorated, the house became more like a prison than a place of joy. It grew progressively more dirty. And the arguments sent me scurrying into my bedroom to escape. It was also a place that shamed me because it had a big picture window. I always imagined that everybody could see our family dysfunction. While the house didn't really have any responsibility for what was going on, it became part of the problem in my mind. As soon as I could, I made every effort to escape. As an adult, I lived far away and rarely visited. That wasn't an accident. The end result was that I wasn't personally available as the lives of my parents wound down. I heard everything over the phone. Really a very disconnected way of dealing with things.<br />
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I recently followed the example of a good friend and looked up the property. The house, built in 1954, has gone on. It had a huge renovation after my Mom left. The new owners had to renovate. It was in pretty bad shape after my Mom lived there. I've had dreams through the years in which I went back and lived in that house. I was always focused on the renovation...wanting to make it the home of pride and joy it started out to be. When I looked at the home online, I noticed that some of the change wasn't what I would have chosen. There was a magnolia tree that was cut down from in the front of the kitchen window. I loved the flowers on that tree. But overall, I could tell that the new owners have cared for the property. The little house looked more joyful to me. And that led to the recognition that the house wasn't a prison. It was another victim of my Mom's mental illness. It reflected our pain. But it didn't cause it. Another layer of peace. The fact is that I did have good times in that house. It was an illness that robbed us of joy. Not a place. And I don't have to run away anymore. Maybe I will eventually visit in person. I think I owe that house a big apology. And maybe a little gratitude for the fact that it housed us during the tough times. <br />
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Have you found yourself looking at times in your life differently as you've come to a new understanding? I'd love to hear from you about that. Let's talk! Sending much love........</div>
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Insightsbyjudy.nethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07098075677712914020noreply@blogger.com0