Depression and anxiety are kind of a filter for all that occurs in life. Imagine, if you can, that you have dark and very black glasses on. You can't take them off because they are anchored onto your face. The light doesn't come through very clearly. You can barely see the outlines of the light, let alone the details of what you are supposedly viewing. What you are able to see is only what the filter allows. And that isn't much. THAT is how I view my mental illness. I wonder if any of you can relate? The result is that I can't see the 'light' in any situation that might lead to growth or positive changes. I'm too busy focusing on the darkness. And in spite of all the very real progress I've made in the last couple of years, that filter still exists. I'm prone to fight the opportunity to make changes because of my fear. Which is the darkest part of that filter. Fear leads me to believe that nothing is going to work. Fear kept me paralyzed in Orlando. My mind could take me all the way from the loss of a client to homelessness in a single-bound. Without the possibility that I would find the right solution.
In life, there are times that you are faced with a situation in which you can either move forward or live with the consequences of existing with the status quo. And the filter of depression and anxiety isn't my friend. It makes the whole process of looking at options and making moves to make change extraordinarily painful. Does that mean that I've never taken risks and made changes? No. I've made changes with the desire to escape from one frying pan...and jumped directly into another. Because of panic. Looking at making change can be precipitated by crisis. Most of us have done that. But I have to tell you that when we do that, we are risking jumping into situations that are no different or worse than what we are already living with.
How can I avoid this? I have to admit, I'm kind of feeling my way into finding that out. I want to know what it is like to make decisions in a calm and rational way without the panic. But a lifetime of living in depression and anxiety make that a complex thing. I can see the panic. I really can. And I still find myself reacting to it. It isn't easy to make fundamental changes like this. Most people living with mental illness will understand that. When we are miserable, we want to change things fast. Or we want to give up. And, trust me, I know how to do both of those things. I've made decisions in an impulsive manner. That is how I've usually done it. Of course, I've also hidden out in bed. And given up. What is the antidote? Here it is: Today, I understand that my goal is to provide myself with comfort and safety. I have a responsibility to myself. I have to recognize that the filter of anxiety and depression will try to control my reactions. I really can't see clearly when they are in control. I need to make a conscious decision to take the steps necessary to make the changes. And take off the filter so I can look at ALL my potential solutions. I have to view this as a quest, and take the research as seriously as I did when I was doing the same for my clients. I also have to be committed to calm. Panic doesn't serve in situations like this. I'm working on finding that calm right now.
Can you relate to this discussion? I'd love to hear from you. And I will be responsible for reporting back to you as I continue to make changes in my approach. Hope you will do the same. Sending love........
In life, there are times that you are faced with a situation in which you can either move forward or live with the consequences of existing with the status quo. And the filter of depression and anxiety isn't my friend. It makes the whole process of looking at options and making moves to make change extraordinarily painful. Does that mean that I've never taken risks and made changes? No. I've made changes with the desire to escape from one frying pan...and jumped directly into another. Because of panic. Looking at making change can be precipitated by crisis. Most of us have done that. But I have to tell you that when we do that, we are risking jumping into situations that are no different or worse than what we are already living with.
How can I avoid this? I have to admit, I'm kind of feeling my way into finding that out. I want to know what it is like to make decisions in a calm and rational way without the panic. But a lifetime of living in depression and anxiety make that a complex thing. I can see the panic. I really can. And I still find myself reacting to it. It isn't easy to make fundamental changes like this. Most people living with mental illness will understand that. When we are miserable, we want to change things fast. Or we want to give up. And, trust me, I know how to do both of those things. I've made decisions in an impulsive manner. That is how I've usually done it. Of course, I've also hidden out in bed. And given up. What is the antidote? Here it is: Today, I understand that my goal is to provide myself with comfort and safety. I have a responsibility to myself. I have to recognize that the filter of anxiety and depression will try to control my reactions. I really can't see clearly when they are in control. I need to make a conscious decision to take the steps necessary to make the changes. And take off the filter so I can look at ALL my potential solutions. I have to view this as a quest, and take the research as seriously as I did when I was doing the same for my clients. I also have to be committed to calm. Panic doesn't serve in situations like this. I'm working on finding that calm right now.
Can you relate to this discussion? I'd love to hear from you. And I will be responsible for reporting back to you as I continue to make changes in my approach. Hope you will do the same. Sending love........
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