Saturday, November 28, 2015

Sunshine and Support...........

Love is seen in the most unexpected places.  Being a depressed person, I don't always see the love. I've been given a lot of love and support throughout my life that I didn't see as clearly as I needed to. I was so busy judging myself and my weaknesses that these expressions of love were a blip in my ongoing negative self-talk.  I would take them in and feel gratitude. Then I would feel guilt because for some reason, I thought I shouldn't need the support. But that has changed. Now I see support as an expression of love.  Basically because I've put in a lot of effort to recognize that I'm human and weaknesses are part of the deal.  We all have them.  How have I changed my attitude?  Through constant affirmation that I'm worthwhile. Being able to take in the love is something I had to learn. So, what brought this to mind?  I've had my struggles at work.  But there have been times that I have truly seen love in the people I work with and the people I serve.

I'm pretty good at my job.  At this time in my life, I've chosen to work in a retail establishment because I love the constant public contact.  I like to 'schmooze'.  Talking to people is essential to my nature. If I can't talk, I am TRULY depressed. When I get quiet, you should start worrying. Working in retail is a pretty good thing for me. And you can see the full range of human interactions there. So, the other day I had a situation occur at work that was an example of support in its most basic form. As you know if you read my blog regularly, I have a 'walking stick' (cane).  I use it regularly because I have leg problems.  I'm not totally disabled, but the walking stick is an important tool for me. I use 'pool noodles' on the handle because I tend to grip the handle of this cane too tightly, which leads to an extremely sore hand.  I have enough soreness, so the pool noodles are important.  They really make using the cane more comfortable. I have three of these noodles in various colors.  And I need them because these things eventually rip and break down. They are not able to be used at a certain point. So, I simply cut off a new piece and go on.  I'm not going to run out of them for quite a while.  I haven't finished the first one.

The other day, I noticed that my noodle was really getting pretty broken down.  It was ripped and not staying on the handle as well as I needed it to. But I was heading out the door for work and thought I could get one more trip out of it. But here is where I saw the love.  At the end of my work day, I went into the break room to pick up Barnaby. (My cane) And the pool noodle had been very carefully and beautifully taped. I was stunned. What a little piece of love! I don't know who did this. But I owe them a hug. I felt so cared for. And I'm very proud that I could see the love.  Many times in my life, I would have judged myself for needing that walking stick.  Or even for working in a retail store. (Retail isn't 'professional' enough.) Now, I am simply grateful for the fun in my job. And I think Barnaby is a totally cool walking stick. I see the love. I see the joy. This is quite a change....especially since there is no attached "BUT".

What about you?  Do you see love, joy and support for what they are?  Or are you still struggling with judgments that don't really serve you? Find the sunshine. Let's talk!  Sending much love..........

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