Where do we find the strength to carry on?
We all know that having a mental illness, we have to to stay strong, and battle a lot of the time.
Where does this strength come from? Mine is my determination and my children. I am not going to let something as horrible as mental illness win every time :) Of course it does win at certain times, but I always come back fighting. To me that me winning. Do you agree?Judy talks a lot about past and how that could affect our mental illness. I think a lot of people with mental illness have bad past experiences. They have had some sort of trauma, as child, as an teenager, before our mind was fully developed, to deal with it. If we managed to pull through that, then we can pull through anything.
As an adult our brains obviously work a lot different as a child, maybe it wasn’t until later that we had to face these traumas. As an adult. I had a lot of childhood traumas, that I believe really did play so much part in me become ill. I feel my brain wasn't emotionally developed enough to deal with, it haunted me, in later life. This became the darkness in me, something that had been hidden for so long . As a child I didn’t how to fix the problem in my mind so I ignored it. I feel now they have become triggers in my bipolar. I believe they have gone past healing, or I am too scared to face them.
Exactly like a child, too scared to face things, do you ever find that certain things can revert you to thinking like a child again? Sometimes I wish my mind didn’t develop as an adult. Then I wouldn’t have to face the battles I have. If my mind didn’t fully develop, my past traumas would still be hidden. Then possibly I wouldn’t of developed bipolar.
I know they say it’s genetic, and they don’t know if trauma etc is linked to bipolar, but I believe it is. I do question if these traumas didn’t happen to me would I still be like this? You have to ask that questions do you?
I’ll come back to determination, I believe all mental health sufferers have this. We have to, we need to, once we lose that, we lose everything. I found I was always determined as a child as well, there was nothing I wouldn’t try to achieve, I find that a good thing when it comes to mental health.
We are broken, maybe even a bit damaged. That determination puts a barrier around our mental health I believe. That’s why we cope, that’s why we always pull through. We are very strong mentally. People believe we arent, but of course we are, we fight against our own mind how is that not strong? The mind is the most powerful thing, and we somehow battle that to make it right again. We try to reverse, the way our mind wants think. That is mentally strong and don’t you forget that.
Whatever your coping strategies are, they should never be judged. I had someone message me saying he has turned to god and his family think he has lost the plot. I barrier my mind with determination. This person barricaded his mind with god. We will all put a long term, temporary, barrier around our mind to fix it. That’s how i told this person to explain why he turned to god. His mind was a bit broken and he needed to protect it. He found that in god, this could be permanent like having bolts put on a broken legs, or it could be temporary. It could be a just a cast, that comes off, but need some physio now and again. That’s how i believe it is, you protect something that broken.
Be kind to yourself and remember everyday you’re hanging in there you are winning, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
This is where our strength comes from, from us being mentally determined and strong.. though every time we get ill, we get bit stronger :)
I was very nervous about writing a guest post for Judy, her standards are perfection, her writing is outstanding. Her knowledge is unbelievable..
I hope I have meet Judy standards and you enjoy reading a little post from me :)
(This P.S. is from Judy. YOU are awesome Sarah Walters. And I want to hear your voice. You are perfection. Just the way you are.)
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