Of course, change is a part of life. So is loss. Whether through the loss of a job, relationship, health, or even a loved one dying, we are bound to face a loss in our lives. Really, it is natural. But coping with loss seems particularly complex when one is also living with a mental illness. In my experience, depression has amplified the impact of loss and made the recovery process even harder. What reminded me of this? I've watched people go through losses the last few weeks. And I've been very conscious how I've experienced similar losses in my past. Of course, there are many writers who have provided insight into grief and loss. One of my favorites has been Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who wrote a definitive book regarding the stages of grief. ("On Death and Dying") I'm certainly not an academic trying to break new ground regarding how human beings cope with loss. I'm simply a survivor of mental illness. And I would like to share some of my observations about how I've dealt with loss in my life.
The first issue that comes up for me has always been guilt. And this guilt is connected to my belief that I'm somehow flawed and deserve all the negative that life throws at me. I think that my ability to deal with Maxine and her mental illness had a lot to do with the loss of having a functional mother in my life. And trust me, as illogical as it seems, I really did take considerable responsibility for her condition. I believed that I was flawed. And somehow that translated into believing that who I was created Maxine's mental illness. I did poorly in school. That made Mom mentally ill. I argued with her. That made Mom mentally ill. I didn't listen. That made Mom mentally ill. Now, had you asked me, I would probably have denied that. But I did believe it at some level. And as I have grown and experienced life, that guilt has accompanied every loss that I've ever experienced. Now, guilt accompanies loss for all human beings. But the guilt can become debilitating through my depression. I lose the ability to move past the guilt when I'm depressed. Can you relate?
Additionally, my depression leads me to become stuck in grief. I can't let go of it. Life is horrible and I deserve the pain connected with the loss. So, I stay there. Depression is my lot in life. And I have to accept that because.....I am worth only pain. Again, if you question me, I would probably deny that is what I'm thinking. The depression and the grief become linked. And I need help to move past them in a healthy way. Therapy, medication, and support have been important to help me to process and move past the grief. Really, grief is part of loss. But the pain of depression makes it worse for me. How can you relate to this discussion? Have you been stuck in grief? How did you move past it? Let's talk! Maybe we can provide support for each other.
The first issue that comes up for me has always been guilt. And this guilt is connected to my belief that I'm somehow flawed and deserve all the negative that life throws at me. I think that my ability to deal with Maxine and her mental illness had a lot to do with the loss of having a functional mother in my life. And trust me, as illogical as it seems, I really did take considerable responsibility for her condition. I believed that I was flawed. And somehow that translated into believing that who I was created Maxine's mental illness. I did poorly in school. That made Mom mentally ill. I argued with her. That made Mom mentally ill. I didn't listen. That made Mom mentally ill. Now, had you asked me, I would probably have denied that. But I did believe it at some level. And as I have grown and experienced life, that guilt has accompanied every loss that I've ever experienced. Now, guilt accompanies loss for all human beings. But the guilt can become debilitating through my depression. I lose the ability to move past the guilt when I'm depressed. Can you relate?
Additionally, my depression leads me to become stuck in grief. I can't let go of it. Life is horrible and I deserve the pain connected with the loss. So, I stay there. Depression is my lot in life. And I have to accept that because.....I am worth only pain. Again, if you question me, I would probably deny that is what I'm thinking. The depression and the grief become linked. And I need help to move past them in a healthy way. Therapy, medication, and support have been important to help me to process and move past the grief. Really, grief is part of loss. But the pain of depression makes it worse for me. How can you relate to this discussion? Have you been stuck in grief? How did you move past it? Let's talk! Maybe we can provide support for each other.
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