Thursday, May 28, 2015

The walking stick and what I continue to learn about using tools.........

This past weekend as I attended Renaissance Festival with my daughter, I had a lesson in recovery. The Renaissance Festival that we attend is held on a beautiful piece of land in rural Tennessee. With beautiful trees and hills, it's an idyllic setting.  Except that the paths are paved with stones and uneven.  As I've gotten older, I've started to have some difficulty with arthritis in my knees.  And my feet sometimes become sore due to arthritis and problems connected to my diabetes. Sometimes it is even difficult to walk.  For the last couple of years, my daughter and I have both looked at 'walking sticks' carved out of wood sold at the festival. They are gorgeous. And they could be VERY useful to me. However, while my daughter sees a 'walking stick', I see a 'cane'. The thought of using one makes me feel elderly. At 58 years old, I don't want to feel older than I already am. So, whenever the topic comes up...I've resisted. And since my daughter is gentle and doesn't push me, we've both dropped the idea.

But this year, I had a lot of trouble walking around the festival. I didn't even feel balanced. And I really looked at the wooden 'walking sticks'.  I decided on a favorite.  It had beautiful knots in the wood and there was a curve to the handle that I didn't see on the other sticks.  It stood out. However, when I mentioned it to my daughter, I was still not so sure. For me, that walking stick signified giving up. I wasn't sure that the help it might provide was worth the blow to my self-esteem. However, after my daughter's 30-year old friend told me that SHE had a 'walking stick' and used it on the days HER knees are bad (she has had surgery), I re-thought that. And when my daughter reframed the whole thing by telling me that the 'walking stick' is nothing but a tool, I was sold. We went and bought the curvy stick that stood out to me.  I used my stick that day at the festival. And I've started taking it along on my walk to work. It helps on the days that my legs or feet hurt.  Being the goofy woman I am...I've even named my stick. The stick is 'Barnaby', named after a detective in a series that I'm currently watching on Netflix.

So, what's the connection to recovery?  Here it is: I frequently resist using tools that are likely to make me feel better. I've sabotaged my potential for recovery by not using tools that I know work. I've spent years of my life avoiding medication and discounting support.  I've ignored suggestions. I've taken the same approach to recovery that I did to the 'walking stick'. I refused what might make me feel better due to pride and being stubborn. Given the fact that I belong to many online support groups, and I actually listen to what people are saying...I know that I'm not the only one. How can you relate to this?  Do you resist taking steps to do what might make you feel better?  Tell me about it. Sharing can lead to making changes. Just like it did for me when my daughter and her friend talked to me about 'Barnaby'.  It's looking like 'Barnaby' and I are establishing a delightful and long-lasting partnership. And I'm grateful that I finally became...willing. Let's talk!

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