A blog I started to give as a 'gift' to my daughter to explain our family history of mental illness has turned into a major project for me. As I started writing about Maxine and my professional experiences with mental illness, I realized how much I have to say. And my experiences, due to my age, have a lot to say about how our society has coped with mental illnesses. After all, Maxine became ill fifty years ago. I know intimately about how mental illness has been dealt with over a fifty year span. I've seen it from a front row view. And while we have made progress, we are still struggling as individuals and as a society. I became very aware of this the other day in a conversation with my daughter. I've been gifted with her honesty about her struggles. Right at the moment, she is dealing with her own mental health issues. She lives with panic disorder, and some times are better than others. I did what I always do. I apologized. I've always struggled with this feeling of guilt over our genetics. After all, my Mom and my biological Grandmother both struggled with mental illnesses. And so my daughter's issues come directly through me.
So, this conversation came with a major realization. My daughter asked me why I was apologizing for genetics. And I recognized that she is right. I didn't create it. And I can't cure it. Literally, all I can do is what I'm doing. I maintain an open relationship with her. I recognize her need to talk. I encourage efforts to recover. And I LOVE who my daughter is. With and without her illness. Just as she has done for me. I know that my story might be 'unique' to people who haven't dealt with these issues. But there are countless families struggling with similar genetics. There are families who can look back at family history, just like I can, and see mental illnesses. And I wouldn't hesitate to guess that it comes with a lot of guilt for most of us. Why is it so difficult to let go of the guilt? We can't control genetics. As far as I know.
Here is the basic reason for the guilt: As a society, we don't understand and deal with mental illnesses in a productive way. I've talked about this quite a bit in my blog. And you only have to look at headlines to see the truth of what I'm saying. Mental illness comes with heaping servings of shame, blame, and fear. Families aren't immune to this. They take on the shame, blame and fear Then they pass it on to their mentally ill family member. Having a mental illness is seen as a sign of weakness. A character defect. Evidence that you are somehow inferior. But that isn't the truth. Mental illness is no more a sign that you are inferior than is a cancer diagnosis. It is simply an illness. What would happen if we could actually convince ourselves of this? I don't know. It seems impossible from my perch viewing mental illness over a fifty year period. But I would love to find out. Wouldn't you?
This blog article is in honor of my peers who are unable to talk about their mental illnesses with family. May your families begin to recognize your awesomeness in spite of (or maybe because of) your illness. I sure do. Sending my love......
So, this conversation came with a major realization. My daughter asked me why I was apologizing for genetics. And I recognized that she is right. I didn't create it. And I can't cure it. Literally, all I can do is what I'm doing. I maintain an open relationship with her. I recognize her need to talk. I encourage efforts to recover. And I LOVE who my daughter is. With and without her illness. Just as she has done for me. I know that my story might be 'unique' to people who haven't dealt with these issues. But there are countless families struggling with similar genetics. There are families who can look back at family history, just like I can, and see mental illnesses. And I wouldn't hesitate to guess that it comes with a lot of guilt for most of us. Why is it so difficult to let go of the guilt? We can't control genetics. As far as I know.
Here is the basic reason for the guilt: As a society, we don't understand and deal with mental illnesses in a productive way. I've talked about this quite a bit in my blog. And you only have to look at headlines to see the truth of what I'm saying. Mental illness comes with heaping servings of shame, blame, and fear. Families aren't immune to this. They take on the shame, blame and fear Then they pass it on to their mentally ill family member. Having a mental illness is seen as a sign of weakness. A character defect. Evidence that you are somehow inferior. But that isn't the truth. Mental illness is no more a sign that you are inferior than is a cancer diagnosis. It is simply an illness. What would happen if we could actually convince ourselves of this? I don't know. It seems impossible from my perch viewing mental illness over a fifty year period. But I would love to find out. Wouldn't you?
This blog article is in honor of my peers who are unable to talk about their mental illnesses with family. May your families begin to recognize your awesomeness in spite of (or maybe because of) your illness. I sure do. Sending my love......
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