When you have a diagnosis, you have life challenges. That is the reality. And situations that can be tough for 'normal' human beings can be debilitating for someone with bipolar. Or for someone with depression. Or a panic disorder. Or............whatever. I'm very aware of that. I've said it many times in the blog. Why has this come up for me? I'm dealing with a situation at work. And I'm needing to use the coping skills that I've learned to deal with it. Sometimes I do well, sometimes I do not. But here is the basic fact: I need support. I need TLC. And I need to share my feelings of panic and fear. I don't hold these things in any longer. And I know that I need to share what I'm feeling with people who can relate. So, I do. I spoke to my daughter yesterday about my situation. I shared my feelings. She validated what I'm feeling and was willing to consider the options I've come up with. And I also reached out to a support group. One which has people who work in the same field I do, and has at times processed situations that are kind of similar. I know these people to be loving. And very supportive. And I feel very safe in saying all I am feeling/thinking. There have been many times in life that I have not had that support. I can tell when people are condescending to me. Or invalidate what I'm experiencing. And I know that you have experienced these kinds of interactions also. I'm still experiencing them. I have people at work that respond to my concerns with the same kind of invalidation.
I want you to understand that sometimes that invalidation is related to stigma about mental illnesses. I am VERY honest about my mental illness and experiences. And this comes with certain consequences. One of which is that people view you as somehow weaker. In my case, I'm seen as somehow incapable of taking feedback. Which is not the case. When people approach me respectfully, I'm fine. When people have anger issues and approach me disrespectfully and angrily, I don't do fine. Normal. Human. Reaction. It is never OK for people in a position of power to take out their issues on me. And I know that because of my experiences with Maxine. Maxine was Mom. And she was in a position of power. But here is the most important lesson she taught me: When people approach me in an angry and dismissive way on a regular basis, the problem isn't mine. It is the problem of the person incapable of moderating his/her behavior. Chronic anger isn't the responsibility of the victim. It indicates that the person with the anger has their own issue with mental illness. And while I don't diagnose, I can sure recognize the problem.
I have worked with the angriest of people. When I worked in a treatment center in the adolescent unit, I remember a psychiatrist deliberately escalating a client. I was seated. Not participating. However, the one wall that the client felt they could hit was right above me. And they hit the wall over my head. I remember angry clients coming through the domestic violence program I worked for. All of them hostile and frustrated. Blaming women for their discomfort. And I was the only woman in the room. Trust me, I got my share of their anger. I didn't melt. I coped. I am strong BECAUSE of my history. I am strong because I have years of depression behind me. I am strong because I have dealt with Maxine. And I recognize bullying. And probably, so do you. So, what is the result of this? I know I have to deal with this situation. And my first goal will be to protect myself. Period. End of discussion. That should be your goal too. Sending lots of love. Let's talk!
I want you to understand that sometimes that invalidation is related to stigma about mental illnesses. I am VERY honest about my mental illness and experiences. And this comes with certain consequences. One of which is that people view you as somehow weaker. In my case, I'm seen as somehow incapable of taking feedback. Which is not the case. When people approach me respectfully, I'm fine. When people have anger issues and approach me disrespectfully and angrily, I don't do fine. Normal. Human. Reaction. It is never OK for people in a position of power to take out their issues on me. And I know that because of my experiences with Maxine. Maxine was Mom. And she was in a position of power. But here is the most important lesson she taught me: When people approach me in an angry and dismissive way on a regular basis, the problem isn't mine. It is the problem of the person incapable of moderating his/her behavior. Chronic anger isn't the responsibility of the victim. It indicates that the person with the anger has their own issue with mental illness. And while I don't diagnose, I can sure recognize the problem.
I have worked with the angriest of people. When I worked in a treatment center in the adolescent unit, I remember a psychiatrist deliberately escalating a client. I was seated. Not participating. However, the one wall that the client felt they could hit was right above me. And they hit the wall over my head. I remember angry clients coming through the domestic violence program I worked for. All of them hostile and frustrated. Blaming women for their discomfort. And I was the only woman in the room. Trust me, I got my share of their anger. I didn't melt. I coped. I am strong BECAUSE of my history. I am strong because I have years of depression behind me. I am strong because I have dealt with Maxine. And I recognize bullying. And probably, so do you. So, what is the result of this? I know I have to deal with this situation. And my first goal will be to protect myself. Period. End of discussion. That should be your goal too. Sending lots of love. Let's talk!
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