When I've spoken to people about the tools and dealing with mental illness, I've become very aware of how we sabotage ourselves. And I can relate. I've done the same thing. The first thing I hear is: "I tried it. It didn't work." My response is: "Maybe it's time to try again. Let's look at the options." For recovery to work, you have to keep trying. And that may involve trying to climb the same wall. Over and over and over. How do I know this? I know this because solutions don't always work the first time around. I'm reminded of the number of times that I attempted to find housing for one particular client when I worked in the field. This client would behave inappropriately. And get thrown out of housing. So, I was dealing with the same issue over and over. If I had taken the approach I've seen in the people I currently talk with, I would have given up. I didn't. I kept trying. Till the day I left employment at the agency I worked for.
Now, there is a difference when it is my issue. I tend to do the same thing. I give up. I stop trying to scale the wall. When you are living with mental illness, it takes energy to work on recovery. And most of the time, you don't have that energy. And you have a hard time 'seeing' options. All you can focus on is the misery. Mental illness takes away your insight. I can look at how things went in Orlando to verify that I have the same issue. I tried to deal with the depression by finding medical care. As I had a failing business, and no insurance, that wall alone seemed insurmountable. I heard the suggestions, but I didn't believe anything would work. And when my daughter suggested that maybe I needed to make the move to Tennessee and stop beating my head against the wall, I found myself arguing. I believed I couldn't do it. I had to have a successful business in order to move to Tennessee. Obviously, that wasn't the case. I made the move eventually. And I didn't have a successful business at the time. I had a hospital stay instead, because the situation had reached such a crisis point.
Now, here is the reality. When your judgment is affected by your mental illness, the best thing you can do is be open. Listen to suggestions. Allow people to challenge your hopelessness. And keep trying. Even when it seems like nothing will ever change. You might make it over that wall on the 75th time you try. Keep on keeping on. Let's talk!!
Now, there is a difference when it is my issue. I tend to do the same thing. I give up. I stop trying to scale the wall. When you are living with mental illness, it takes energy to work on recovery. And most of the time, you don't have that energy. And you have a hard time 'seeing' options. All you can focus on is the misery. Mental illness takes away your insight. I can look at how things went in Orlando to verify that I have the same issue. I tried to deal with the depression by finding medical care. As I had a failing business, and no insurance, that wall alone seemed insurmountable. I heard the suggestions, but I didn't believe anything would work. And when my daughter suggested that maybe I needed to make the move to Tennessee and stop beating my head against the wall, I found myself arguing. I believed I couldn't do it. I had to have a successful business in order to move to Tennessee. Obviously, that wasn't the case. I made the move eventually. And I didn't have a successful business at the time. I had a hospital stay instead, because the situation had reached such a crisis point.
What is my point? I know that mental illness leads to hopelessness. I know that it is hard to keep trying. I know that sometimes it is hard to see past the misery. I get it. But I also know that accepting that things can't change can be a death sentence. I'm not sure where I would be if I hadn't found the insight to know that my daughter was right. I was sinking. I didn't have options for healthcare in Orlando at that time. My business wasn't even providing me with food and shelter. Finding a job seemed impossible as I sent out resume after resume. There truly was NO safety net for me in Florida. No real support. And I had to leave. If I hadn't, I suspect that the eventual result would have been homelessness and/or death.
Now, here is the reality. When your judgment is affected by your mental illness, the best thing you can do is be open. Listen to suggestions. Allow people to challenge your hopelessness. And keep trying. Even when it seems like nothing will ever change. You might make it over that wall on the 75th time you try. Keep on keeping on. Let's talk!!
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