Here is what actually helped. Here are the statements that actually made a difference in my survival:
1. "I care". "I love you". Here is my answer: Even though at those moments, I thought I was worthless, love came through. It helped to hear that someone was there for me. I needed to know that I'm not as worthless as I was thinking I was.
2. "I hear you saying that you can't keep doing this. I understand that you don't necessarily want to go to the hospital. That is what you need, though. Someone will be coming to help you shortly. Hang on." Here is my answer: This is what I remember hearing. It might not be correct word for word. But this was what I heard. And it was such a relief. I didn't have to keep trying to hold it together. I could let someone else make the decisions for awhile. Help is coming is an awesome message when you are feeling hopeless and helpless. This is what I heard from an anonymous worker on a hotline.
3. "You know there is a solution out there. I know you know that. We will find it together." Here is my answer: I couldn't create the hope at those moments. My loved one helped me realize that I wasn't alone. She supported me by using the word 'together'. She also gave me a little shot of strength to get me through. It was enough promise that I was able to get through another moment. I was even able to get through to another day.
4. "It is time for us to take care of this. We will get you up here, Mom." Here is my answer: I'm not sure what I want to say. The love and commitment to my well-being were obvious. She helped me think it through. And TOGETHER we came up with a plan, although I had to make changes to it. Her sense of hope gave me hope. And the solutions came. (Her roommate was a key to helping those solutions come. Definitely, this friend was important in creating my future. And my survival.)
So, here is the difference between this and my list of the other day. This one wasn't meant to guilt me into being quiet about it. It didn't question my strength. Or my resolve to recover. Or whether I actually have depression. These statements reflected solidarity. It showed me I make a difference. It showed me I have a place in the world in spite of how miserable I was feeling. Someone was there for me. And that was enough to get me through. I feel extraordinarily lucky for this. Not every person with depression has that.
For those struggling with depression, what is heard in the middle of the struggle has a huge influence. What others say has a lot of power. Maybe before you support someone through a depression, you should look at how your attitudes promote or take away the possibility of recovery. Stigma does kill. Let's talk!
1. "I care". "I love you". Here is my answer: Even though at those moments, I thought I was worthless, love came through. It helped to hear that someone was there for me. I needed to know that I'm not as worthless as I was thinking I was.
2. "I hear you saying that you can't keep doing this. I understand that you don't necessarily want to go to the hospital. That is what you need, though. Someone will be coming to help you shortly. Hang on." Here is my answer: This is what I remember hearing. It might not be correct word for word. But this was what I heard. And it was such a relief. I didn't have to keep trying to hold it together. I could let someone else make the decisions for awhile. Help is coming is an awesome message when you are feeling hopeless and helpless. This is what I heard from an anonymous worker on a hotline.
3. "You know there is a solution out there. I know you know that. We will find it together." Here is my answer: I couldn't create the hope at those moments. My loved one helped me realize that I wasn't alone. She supported me by using the word 'together'. She also gave me a little shot of strength to get me through. It was enough promise that I was able to get through another moment. I was even able to get through to another day.
4. "It is time for us to take care of this. We will get you up here, Mom." Here is my answer: I'm not sure what I want to say. The love and commitment to my well-being were obvious. She helped me think it through. And TOGETHER we came up with a plan, although I had to make changes to it. Her sense of hope gave me hope. And the solutions came. (Her roommate was a key to helping those solutions come. Definitely, this friend was important in creating my future. And my survival.)
So, here is the difference between this and my list of the other day. This one wasn't meant to guilt me into being quiet about it. It didn't question my strength. Or my resolve to recover. Or whether I actually have depression. These statements reflected solidarity. It showed me I make a difference. It showed me I have a place in the world in spite of how miserable I was feeling. Someone was there for me. And that was enough to get me through. I feel extraordinarily lucky for this. Not every person with depression has that.
For those struggling with depression, what is heard in the middle of the struggle has a huge influence. What others say has a lot of power. Maybe before you support someone through a depression, you should look at how your attitudes promote or take away the possibility of recovery. Stigma does kill. Let's talk!
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