Like many in this country, I'm concerned about the cost of healthcare. I don't have enough income to always pay for what is needed for my health. And my insurance is not particularly good...so I sometimes struggle. I recently got caught in one of those times of struggle. And an old pattern came back to haunt me.....resulting in....serious health issues. Here is the story: My doctor was expensive. I had trouble paying for the huge deductible that I have. And so, I didn't go. Which led to difficulty getting meds. I hid my head in the sand. (Which is part of my old pattern.) Complicating this was an infection. Which probably started out mild, but reached more of a crisis stage before I actually dealt with it. Finally, I was so miserable that I had to deal with it. And I did.
I found a new doctor. I made an appointment. And I went in. But by the time I did, a mild infection had turned into a "monster". (According to the doctor.) And so I did what I have done throughout my life...I made things worse by not dealing with the problem. Now, part of this is normal human behavior. Denial is a human reaction. But part of it is the hopelessness of depression. I was pretty certain I couldn't solve the problem, so I didn't try. Old thinking. It may not be a perfect solution. But I did what I could. I found what might be an a more affordable option. Just a little later than I needed to. Hopefully, I learned my lesson. But given the reality that learning is imperfect for me, I will probably need other reminders. I would like to believe that insight just changes things. It hasn't worked that way in my life. I can recognize all I want. Changing behavior is a lot more complex.
So, here is what I've learned from this experience: If I notice a health issue, ignoring it will not make it go away. I can't hide my head in the sand forever without forfeiting my health. I need to proactively deal with issues as they come up. And if I don't, I might be dealing with consequences I don't like. Including lack of access to my medication and health problems. I am worth feeling better. It is important for me to be functional, even if I don't make much money. And my health needs to be my focus. Nobody can do this for me. I have to stay on top of things. I have to recognize that I'm more important than how much money I make. I have to love Judy enough to make her health of primary importance. That isn't my 'default' attitude. But I have to keep working to change that.
Can you relate to this discussion? How? What do you do to battle those old attitudes and beliefs? Sharing leads to healing.....let's talk!
I found a new doctor. I made an appointment. And I went in. But by the time I did, a mild infection had turned into a "monster". (According to the doctor.) And so I did what I have done throughout my life...I made things worse by not dealing with the problem. Now, part of this is normal human behavior. Denial is a human reaction. But part of it is the hopelessness of depression. I was pretty certain I couldn't solve the problem, so I didn't try. Old thinking. It may not be a perfect solution. But I did what I could. I found what might be an a more affordable option. Just a little later than I needed to. Hopefully, I learned my lesson. But given the reality that learning is imperfect for me, I will probably need other reminders. I would like to believe that insight just changes things. It hasn't worked that way in my life. I can recognize all I want. Changing behavior is a lot more complex.
So, here is what I've learned from this experience: If I notice a health issue, ignoring it will not make it go away. I can't hide my head in the sand forever without forfeiting my health. I need to proactively deal with issues as they come up. And if I don't, I might be dealing with consequences I don't like. Including lack of access to my medication and health problems. I am worth feeling better. It is important for me to be functional, even if I don't make much money. And my health needs to be my focus. Nobody can do this for me. I have to stay on top of things. I have to recognize that I'm more important than how much money I make. I have to love Judy enough to make her health of primary importance. That isn't my 'default' attitude. But I have to keep working to change that.
Can you relate to this discussion? How? What do you do to battle those old attitudes and beliefs? Sharing leads to healing.....let's talk!
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