Thursday, January 1, 2015

Letting go....again and again.....

This is something I have a hard time with. But it's a skill I believe is important to recovery and so I keep on trying.  The mantra I learned in AA/NA when I helped my substance abusing clients to recover is "Let Go, Let G-D".  The point is to stop holding on to whatever is the issue.  I tend to fight battles.  Many of my friends know that about me.  So, whenever I'm in a 'battle'....I don't let go. Whatever the battle is...being treated fairly...being right...feeling slighted...I hold on. Till death do us part. Now, sometimes this may be a good trait. I'm very determined. I believe that things can improve. And I'm willing to fight for it. On the other hand, I make MOST things a battle. And that isn't a very healthy approach to life. You really don't get too much down time. And it contributes to depression because...well...you are ALWAYS in a battle.

So, here is what I have learned about "letting go". I have learned that there really are things that I cannot change.  I have learned that I do have to recognize the things that I can change and I can do so in those situations. And I have learned that "letting go" can lead to peace.  And sometimes "letting go" can lead to rest. And I have learned that it is OK if I can't change the world.  Really, it is. Sometimes I can't move the mountain. I don't have to have a perfect life to have peace. I can struggle and still be happy. I can be OK even if everyone else around me isn't. I can do this. So can you. Does any of that sound familiar?  If it does, the reason is that it is taken from the Serenity Prayer.  I have learned so much from that prayer. Sometimes it wasn't voluntary learning. I kept fighting and holding on way past the point of being logical or practical.  That is what happened when I was fighting the battle in Orlando.  I wanted to come back to Tennessee in a certain way. Successful. And I wouldn't hear of it when it was suggested I should just go.  Even though there were reasons I should go. Because it was right. Because I would be happy  Because. It took a hospitalization to get me to do what I knew was right in the first place.

How can you tell you are fighting a battle?  If doors keep closing in your face, that might be one indicator. I watch many people living with mental illness fight battles. Whether it is holding on to a relationship or a job that keeps you stressed and sick.  Or maybe it is changing the attitude of a family member or loved one. Sometimes I simply see people battling to find the right doctor or medicine. Don't get me wrong.  Having mental illness IS a battle.  And fighting to get healthy IS a battle.  And battling stigma IS a battle.  But when doors are closing in your face, it may be the time to recognize that you might be in the kind of battle that Judy is famous for...the one you can't win.  So what would happen if you let go? If you opened your mind to what your experience and support system tell you? What would happen if you could just pay attention to what the universe and your inner wisdom are saying?  Well, things might actually change.  You might find your path.  Whatever that path is. And eventually you might win the original battle. You might solve the problem.

So practice letting go. Even if you have to practice it over and over.  Remind yourself. Then do it. Even if it is for a minute.  Or five minutes.  Or an hour.  Or........

Just let go. I'll join you in the effort. It might move us both forward. All my love.....

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