I wrote a blog earlier this week about my experience in Orlando. I had my issues as a business woman. One of them was that I didn't know how to handle the need to help my fellow business owners in networking and when to set limits because I have a right to get my time paid for. This is an old issue for me. I have a social worker mentality. If I can give something away...I'll do that before actually charging. In addition, in Orlando I was seriously depressed. For me, depression comes with a huge helping of guilt/shame. So, somewhere in my depressed mind, I'm struggling with this notion that I'm not worth anything anyway. So there. In other words, Judy doesn't take care of herself. And here is the hilarious part...I blame the other person when I feel taken advantage of. There is an old saying...when there is one finger pointing outward, there is another finger pointed back at you. In other words, it is my responsibility to take care of myself. Whether other people are selfish and manipulative or not.
How did this come up? A former networking partner invited me to a lecture that he is having. It is something that he does to draw people to his business. In other words, he is getting free advertising on my social media. Which is really an accepted practice when you are networking. Normally, I wouldn't care about this. Most people know I'm doing something else and don't put advertisements on my timeline. This guy and I always struggled with what exactly is reciprocal. I thought he took advantage of me. I don't know what he thought, because we never really talked about it. I just built up a resentment that was about a mile long. And it was triggered during this interaction. Amazing that unfinished issues are so powerful.
Now, here it is. He does kind of know that I'm doing something else. I have told him to take me off his sales lists. I don't want to get invitations in my email to events I won't go to. Nashville is a ways from Orlando. And I don't need his help. But he invited me to an event on social media. In a place in which I do mostly advocacy, posting my blog, and support groups. My recovery. My passion. And I literally saw red. I was angry. So I wrote an angry blog and asked two trusted friends for feedback. It helped. I got out all the angry feelings. And I got really good feedback in response. From both of them. I won't publish the other article. I thought about it. But here is the problem...it addresses his issues. I truly believe he has them. But it doesn't talk about me. It doesn't address my issues. And in the end, that is what this is about. I'm not here to change ANYBODY else. We are all responsible for changing ourselves. I can offer ideas and thoughts on recovery...but I can't MAKE anybody take them on. And you get nothing from a blog in which I paint myself as a victim. I am able to take care of myself. As one of my friends pointed out, nobody can force me to feel anything. I choose the feeling. I choose the response. I can choose to move forward. Or I can move backwards into anger. Which for me leads inevitably into depression. Today, I'm feeling better. Balanced. I recognize that I'm physically safe. I haven't been a victim of crime. I haven't been persecuted. I don't live in a war zone. I have what I need. Not always what I want, but I have what I need. I have love. I have my passion for advocacy. All is right in my world. Thank you my dear friends for reminding me of that. I love you for it.
Thank you Christine Miller Thurston and Stephanie Simko Weaver for the excellent feedback. And the love!
How did this come up? A former networking partner invited me to a lecture that he is having. It is something that he does to draw people to his business. In other words, he is getting free advertising on my social media. Which is really an accepted practice when you are networking. Normally, I wouldn't care about this. Most people know I'm doing something else and don't put advertisements on my timeline. This guy and I always struggled with what exactly is reciprocal. I thought he took advantage of me. I don't know what he thought, because we never really talked about it. I just built up a resentment that was about a mile long. And it was triggered during this interaction. Amazing that unfinished issues are so powerful.
Now, here it is. He does kind of know that I'm doing something else. I have told him to take me off his sales lists. I don't want to get invitations in my email to events I won't go to. Nashville is a ways from Orlando. And I don't need his help. But he invited me to an event on social media. In a place in which I do mostly advocacy, posting my blog, and support groups. My recovery. My passion. And I literally saw red. I was angry. So I wrote an angry blog and asked two trusted friends for feedback. It helped. I got out all the angry feelings. And I got really good feedback in response. From both of them. I won't publish the other article. I thought about it. But here is the problem...it addresses his issues. I truly believe he has them. But it doesn't talk about me. It doesn't address my issues. And in the end, that is what this is about. I'm not here to change ANYBODY else. We are all responsible for changing ourselves. I can offer ideas and thoughts on recovery...but I can't MAKE anybody take them on. And you get nothing from a blog in which I paint myself as a victim. I am able to take care of myself. As one of my friends pointed out, nobody can force me to feel anything. I choose the feeling. I choose the response. I can choose to move forward. Or I can move backwards into anger. Which for me leads inevitably into depression. Today, I'm feeling better. Balanced. I recognize that I'm physically safe. I haven't been a victim of crime. I haven't been persecuted. I don't live in a war zone. I have what I need. Not always what I want, but I have what I need. I have love. I have my passion for advocacy. All is right in my world. Thank you my dear friends for reminding me of that. I love you for it.
Thank you Christine Miller Thurston and Stephanie Simko Weaver for the excellent feedback. And the love!
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