Hebrew scripture talks about the "still small voice" of God that speaks to you to tell you what is right. Whether you are Jewish, some other religion, or even not religious at all...there is a lot of wisdom in that concept. Those of us not hearing voices due to schizophrenia do hear the voice of conscience. Or to put it another way, the voice of our inner wisdom. I used that voice many times to work with my clients. I knew things intellectually about mental illness that I wasn't yet accepting on a personal level. I knew what was right. And I was able to act on it with other people. I was loving and gentle for the most part, knowing that heaping anger on a person who was already suffering didn't make a whole lot of sense. I was firm, but tried to avoid being hateful. But in relationship to myself, the inner wisdom didn't apply. I ignored it. I didn't make the choice to understand and accept myself. I was judgmental and punitive. Not the best way to live your life.
Thinking about those days, I have come to the conclusion that ignoring that small voice leads to pain. I think many times, those of us dealing with mental illness ignore our inner wisdom. We argue with it. We act as though we know better and we do and think things that are actually hurtful. Now, in Judaism, arguing with God is a respected activity. Jews are taught to discuss and pick apart scriptures. We are taught to question. But questioning is only good when we don't hurt ourselves in the process. I showed I was questioning my worth by not taking care of myself. I showed I was questioning my worth by belittling myself in my mind. I showed my attitude by the negative tone I used in dealing with Judy. And I suffered for it. Depression isn't a fun companion. I missed a lot of life by allowing my depression total control.
Sometimes I watch other people dealing with mental illness. And I wonder whether they are allowing the disease control by ignoring what they know deep down, that they have the ultimate power over their disease because they can make the choice to look for recovery. Now, does that mean that you have to change your attitude to recover? It means that you have to listen to the inner voice that says you are worth recovery. Attitude has little to do with mental illness recovery. It is biochemical. Your attitude is formed by that biochemistry. What I am asking you to do is to listen to the inner voice that tells you that you are worthwhile and it is time to work towards feeling better. That is all. I really do think many of us hear that voice that tells us we are worth it. And many of us ignore it. Does looking for recovery mean that instantly things get better? Most likely not. But it is necessary in order to start the process. When you start believing that you can feel better, you will do anything to make it happen. In my travels through recovery groups, I met a woman who has drug-resistant depression. She has made the decision to do ECT because that has helped her before. That is a woman willing to go to any lengths to make sure she feels better. Because (I think) she knows that she is worth it.
Here is my hope for you: I hope you choose to listen to your inner wisdom. I hope that you realize that you have worth, whatever your life situation. And I hope that you reach out to find the tools that will help you to feel better. You are truly worth it. All my love......
Thinking about those days, I have come to the conclusion that ignoring that small voice leads to pain. I think many times, those of us dealing with mental illness ignore our inner wisdom. We argue with it. We act as though we know better and we do and think things that are actually hurtful. Now, in Judaism, arguing with God is a respected activity. Jews are taught to discuss and pick apart scriptures. We are taught to question. But questioning is only good when we don't hurt ourselves in the process. I showed I was questioning my worth by not taking care of myself. I showed I was questioning my worth by belittling myself in my mind. I showed my attitude by the negative tone I used in dealing with Judy. And I suffered for it. Depression isn't a fun companion. I missed a lot of life by allowing my depression total control.
Sometimes I watch other people dealing with mental illness. And I wonder whether they are allowing the disease control by ignoring what they know deep down, that they have the ultimate power over their disease because they can make the choice to look for recovery. Now, does that mean that you have to change your attitude to recover? It means that you have to listen to the inner voice that says you are worth recovery. Attitude has little to do with mental illness recovery. It is biochemical. Your attitude is formed by that biochemistry. What I am asking you to do is to listen to the inner voice that tells you that you are worthwhile and it is time to work towards feeling better. That is all. I really do think many of us hear that voice that tells us we are worth it. And many of us ignore it. Does looking for recovery mean that instantly things get better? Most likely not. But it is necessary in order to start the process. When you start believing that you can feel better, you will do anything to make it happen. In my travels through recovery groups, I met a woman who has drug-resistant depression. She has made the decision to do ECT because that has helped her before. That is a woman willing to go to any lengths to make sure she feels better. Because (I think) she knows that she is worth it.
Here is my hope for you: I hope you choose to listen to your inner wisdom. I hope that you realize that you have worth, whatever your life situation. And I hope that you reach out to find the tools that will help you to feel better. You are truly worth it. All my love......
No comments:
Post a Comment