Why I post the way I do....

I believe in hope.  I believe in survival.  I believe in using tools.  Why?  Because I watched Maxine live through a lifetime of struggle due to her mental illness. Untreated and unmedicated.  Because I have spent a lifetime battling my own depression and anxiety resulting in hospitalization, the loss of dreams, and damaged relationships.  I have also watched the struggle in clients and patients as I worked in alcohol/drug treatment centers, a domestic violence program, in mental health agencies, and in an agency devoted to HIV/AIDS.   I spent time working at a psych hospital.  I also write from the experience of working with people who live with mental illness..

I post the way I do because I have a daughter.  Who lives with anxiety and panic attacks.  She is the most important person in my life.  I started this blog speaking to her about her maternal Great Grandma, who spent most of her life in a mental institution.  I told J about Maxine because I wanted her to totally understand the history of a Grandma who she had limited contact with.  I wanted my sweet daughter to understand the impact of mental illness on her family.  But I  wanted her to know that she still has a future.  Although it hasn't resulted in death in recent years in our family, mental illness is a death sentence for many.  I wanted her to understand that it doesn't have to be the case.

I started this blog during the most difficult period of my life.  A broken relationship led to the explosion of  severe depression and suicidal ideation. I have had depression throughout my life with varying degrees of intensity, but this was the worst. It continued through the loss of my residence, insecurity in housing, the loss of my business, lack of medication, and even insecurity about where I was going to get my next meal.  Still I wrote.  And it was positive.  I wrote about hope because I needed to hear hope.  I wrote about using the tools because I needed to use them.  

Today, because my daughter fought for my survival, I am home in Tennessee.  With a job, a place of my own, and medication.  I have spent the most peaceful year of my life here because I have support.  Because I have medication.  Because I have a job.  I also realized that I'm in my late 50's and my time left to live is limited.  I want peace.  I want contentment.  I want to free myself from the yoke that depression placed around my neck.  I use the tools I tell you to use.  Medication, support, positive thinking, exercise, spirituality, etc.  I have been blessed in my recovery.  My needs are taken care of.  I work hard to make sure that happens.

So, if you have ever questioned why I write so positively, here it is:  I want to see all of you live with hope.  I want you to know the joy of recovery.  I want you to live...