There are lessons.....

In many places.  When I worked in treatment centers and social services, I worked with many controlling and angry people.  That is frequently a symptom when people are mentally ill.  Of course, Maxine exhibited such anger in spades.  So, I became somewhat afraid of such anger.  Working in treatment centers, I learned something about dealing with it.  I worked for a period of time in a domestic violence program.  With men who battered.  I certainly learned even more about dealing with it when I was dealing with angry and violent men.  But here is the overriding lesson I took away.  I choose to not interact with angry and controlling people.

Does that mean I automatically detach?  No.  I've watched people who do that.  Working things out is the hallmark of recovery and maturity.  When I've detached without trying, I've lost valuable relationships.  But people who have a need to be right as evidenced by lack of willingness to talk it out....or people who bully...I do detach from.  Sometimes people are just too unhealthy for the give and take relationships require.  How was I reminded of that?  A recent interaction in a recovery group.

What are good relationship skills?  The ability to talk things out even when uncomfortable.  Listening skills.  Including being willing to listen without forming a response.  The desire to work in partnership.  The maturity to not take disagreements as an excuse to play us vs. them games.  And most importantly, the willingness to examine oneself.  Do I always live up to this?   No human being does.  Especially when living with depression or another mental illness.  But it is something to strive for.

So, as I watch this situation play out in my recovery group, I am struck by one thought.  I'm going to continue my work on recovery.  Whatever the result, I will move forward.  I don't live in the shadow of anyone else's anger anymore.  I hope all of you make the same choice.