For many years, I felt like a victim. Of Maxine and her abuse. Of my peers at school who made my school days painful through bullying. And that led to years of anger. It also impacted my daily life as an adult, because I was super-sensitive. I saw insult in everything. And I responded to my perceptions of insult in an out of proportion way. Anger was my favorite weapon. I think that the anger was necessary to my healing process. The anger was my way of fighting the powerlessness I felt as a child. I took control as an adult. I made it clear to people that I would defend myself. Sometimes it worked for me. I did take back my power. But the consequence wasn't always so pleasant. When anger is in control, your life is stressful. And anger can lead to lost relationships. It also makes it impossible to build bridges with people.
I wish I could tell you that it is all better now. While my anger has decreased markedly since I have come to acceptance of Maxine and her mental illness, I know that I still struggle sometimes. But I have learned some things. Now, when I come to that place, I know that it can be worked through. I understand that I am relating to human beings with their own history and issues. And I recognize that personality sometimes controls how people relate to me. So, I have tools to battle the feeling that I am a victim.
For me, the first tool is time and space. Taking time before I respond with anger is my favorite tool. When I walk away before I respond with anger, I give myself time to calm down. And frequently, giving myself space will restore my balance. I may even realize that the trigger wasn't as insulting as I thought. I can't tell you how important that is. Anger can be useful. But it can also be destructive. It impacts health, mentally and physically. It keeps me isolated and alone. And it leads to more pain and shame when I allow it to rampage through my life. How can you relate to this discussion? What are your favorite tools for dealing with the anger that your history has led to? Sharing can help us both! We can learn from each other. Looking forward to hearing from you.
I wish I could tell you that it is all better now. While my anger has decreased markedly since I have come to acceptance of Maxine and her mental illness, I know that I still struggle sometimes. But I have learned some things. Now, when I come to that place, I know that it can be worked through. I understand that I am relating to human beings with their own history and issues. And I recognize that personality sometimes controls how people relate to me. So, I have tools to battle the feeling that I am a victim.
For me, the first tool is time and space. Taking time before I respond with anger is my favorite tool. When I walk away before I respond with anger, I give myself time to calm down. And frequently, giving myself space will restore my balance. I may even realize that the trigger wasn't as insulting as I thought. I can't tell you how important that is. Anger can be useful. But it can also be destructive. It impacts health, mentally and physically. It keeps me isolated and alone. And it leads to more pain and shame when I allow it to rampage through my life. How can you relate to this discussion? What are your favorite tools for dealing with the anger that your history has led to? Sharing can help us both! We can learn from each other. Looking forward to hearing from you.
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