In my recovery, I have had to learn about the role that out of control expectations might have in keeping me depressed. Part of what kept me sick was the thoughts I had about my life circumstances. I am struck by how much time I spent judging myself and my life struggles. Nothing was good enough. Not what I did. Not what I accomplished. Not what I had. When I had losses in relationships, I judged. (I must not be good enough.). When I didn't have a relationship, I judged. (Nobody loves me.) in short, I was very judgmental and dissatisfied. I can certainly see why I was depressed.
Here is what I have learned while recovering: My life is not a failure if I am not rich. Possessions don't give me worth. Romantic relationships are nice. But not necessary to affirm my value as a human being. What I have accomplished is probably more valuable than I have judged it. My worth as a human being, though, is not dependent on it. I am worthwhile because I am. I am loved by many. Not just a romantic partner. I don't really have anything to prove. To you. Or to myself.
What has that led to? Acceptance of who I am and what I have. And fewer reasons to obsess about how bad my life is. Because, really, it is much better than I have been aware of. I have learned to be content. Which is a much nicer way to live my life.
How about you? Are you still judging your life and circumstances? Or are you willing to accept what is currently your life while planning ways to achieve goals? Having expectations can be a way to keep yourself dissatisfied. It is important to live into a future that is better. But it is dysfunctional to be chronically angry about what you don't have. Do me a favor, and list the things that you like about yourself and your life. Read your list to an understanding friend. Or send it to me. Then allow yourself to really feel the gratitude. And watch your hope grow.
Here is what I have learned while recovering: My life is not a failure if I am not rich. Possessions don't give me worth. Romantic relationships are nice. But not necessary to affirm my value as a human being. What I have accomplished is probably more valuable than I have judged it. My worth as a human being, though, is not dependent on it. I am worthwhile because I am. I am loved by many. Not just a romantic partner. I don't really have anything to prove. To you. Or to myself.
What has that led to? Acceptance of who I am and what I have. And fewer reasons to obsess about how bad my life is. Because, really, it is much better than I have been aware of. I have learned to be content. Which is a much nicer way to live my life.
How about you? Are you still judging your life and circumstances? Or are you willing to accept what is currently your life while planning ways to achieve goals? Having expectations can be a way to keep yourself dissatisfied. It is important to live into a future that is better. But it is dysfunctional to be chronically angry about what you don't have. Do me a favor, and list the things that you like about yourself and your life. Read your list to an understanding friend. Or send it to me. Then allow yourself to really feel the gratitude. And watch your hope grow.
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