Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Love and other gifts...



I realized a few weeks ago that I was approaching a milestone.  I was fast coming up on my 100th post.  This made me think that I really needed to write something to honor the milestone.   But when I hit the actual milestone, I didn’t know what I wanted to say about it.  So, I left it alone in the hopes that inspiration would strike.  Recently, it did.  I was sent a note from a Facebook friend who is in a relationship with a man who is diagnosed with a mental illness.  As has happened so many times during the time that I have written this blog, I was very touched by her willingness to share.   She talked about his creativity.  And the impact that his illness has on his ability to work.   But in spite of her knowledge of the fact that he has this disease, she used the word ‘love’ in her description of the relationship.  When I see a person taking a risk with someone who has this disease, I am so touched.  Relationships are so complex anyway; the fact that people find love in spite of mental illness is a wonderful thing. 
  
Why is this so significant to me?  I wrote a blog previously about the fact that mental illness has a big impact on the longevity of relationships.  And over my lifetime, I have heard much about whether a man is right for you.  To the point that I truly question each and every relationship in my life.  People create dysfunctional relationships whether or not they are struggling with mental illness. We can see that in high divorce rates.  Or the fact that many younger people have told me that they are not even interested in pursuing a real relationship because the odds of success are against you.  I worked in a treatment program for men who battered their partners.  So, I have to admit to a lack of trust regarding relationships.  And I struggle with my own patterns in relationships which have created MUCH discomfort through my life. 

But there is another part of me.  I am a romantic at the bottom of it.  I enjoy the feeling of having a partner.  I enjoy male energy in my life.  And even when I see problems, I am aware that we can’t order the perfect partner.  Sometimes, I believe that creating the ‘perfect’ relationship is a process.  Not an event.  I go on and I am sometimes closed to a relationship.  But sometimes I see the possibility.  And those times are wonderful.  While I have left Orlando for a new life in Tennessee, I am still struggling with the fact that I left a relationship.  One which had problems, but also had gifts.  I miss laughing with C.  I miss the conversation.  I miss the hugs and the feeling that I had when he told me I was attractive. I miss his accent.  I miss his passion for helping other people.  I miss him. Love is its own reward.

Does mental illness impact relationships?  Oh, yes.  Very much so.  People in partnership with someone who has a mental illness have a lot of work to do.  The process of living with mental illness is not easy.  It takes patience and understanding.  It truly takes love.  So, my sweet Facebook friend, here it is…take it easy.  Life may be complex for you in this relationship.  But I can ‘hear’ your motivation in what you wrote to me.  I wish you both much love.  I wish you a smooth road.  (Or at least as smooth a road as is possible.)  I look forward to you continuing to read the blog; I appreciate your sharing and hope that you continue to choose to share with me.  And I love you.  I also am so grateful that you helped me figure out how to celebrate my 100th blog anniversary.  While a little late, this is the best of all possible celebrations.  Thank you so much.

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