One of the
interesting things about looking at a diagnosis is that the words on the paper
don’t really describe the totality of the person. At least not for me. So, when I have had issues, I tend to not ask
the doctor for my actual diagnosis. I
don’t know if I don’t want to know or if I am more interested in how I am going
to get better. I assume it is
depression. And I focus on what I need
to get through in order to move forward.
I think that this is the result of my experience as a case manager. Or from my experience in dealing with Mom. We never actually knew what her diagnosis
was. It was enough to know that she was
very sick. And that we needed to solve
problems in order to deal with it. It
has always seemed to me that the most important part is the impact of the
problem. Of course, it is also very
important to me to figure out how to move forward.
As a
professional, I frequently noticed that different doctors would put slightly
different diagnoses in the chart. There
seemed to be some relationship between the diagnoses that the doctors would
give, but there were also some pretty strong differences. From that, I took away the idea that the
doctors saw different things. After all,
they had different specialties. And the
label became important only as it directed the treatment. It seemed to be a guide, so to speak. It was a starting point as you looked at what
kind of medication the patient needed or what supportive services might best suit
their situation.
However,
the other use for ‘labels’ is to describe what is going on. As in, how do we know what we are dealing
with if we don’t know what it is? So,
labels do have a place in medicine. I
assume that a doctor might use different medications or tactics in treating the
variety of types of dementia. Sounds
reasonable, huh? But what has disturbed
me about these labels are the emotional reactions and judgments that they evoke
in the patient. And also in the world
around the patient. So, I only use labels
when I absolutely have to. That is why I
have never said “I am mentally ill” out loud.
At least not until I did in this blog.
It seemed harsh. And I pictured
my Mom and my clients when I used the words.
But as I explored in this blog, I realized that we really do assign
labels a ‘meaning’. As I learned in
Landmark, what we make significant IS significant. And very difficult to carry
because of how heavy it is. But when we
can approach a word from the space of ‘nothing’ ---without assigning meaning---
we have made progress.
This entire
discussion is actually preliminary to sharing an article with you. I looked up the symptoms of major depression
today. Not surprisingly, I can identify
with the majority of them. Surprise,
surprise. Here is the article I obtained
them from: http://mayocl.in/xf2Nv it’s put out by the Mayo Clinic. That indicates reliability to me. But from this list of symptoms, what did I
see about Judy? I saw what she has been
dealing with. The symptoms of a
disease. But I didn’t see Judy. The personality and the quirks. The good and the bad. The fact that she is loving and
gregarious. That her favorite thing to
do on earth is to laugh. I didn’t see
that. So, I am clear. I probably have major depression. I am not major depression. And whatever Maxine’s diagnosis was, that was
not the totality of Maxine.
I
originally thought that I would educate you about the symptoms of major
depression. But as I started writing, I
found that is not what I wanted to say.
I really wanted to point out that YOU are not a disease. You are you.
You can read the article to find out what the symptoms of major
depression are. I would like to suggest
that if you recognize the symptoms in yourself, it might be time to seek
treatment. But I also wanted to say that
you need to recognize that who you are is more complex than a diagnosis. You are a unique and special person. Your diagnosis influences you. But it isn’t who you are. Remember that as you deal with having a
diagnosis today.
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