The Serenity Prayer...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

This is an extraordinary tool.  During the toughest of times, I have relied on this prayer.  I remember encouraging my recovering substance abusing clients to say this prayer.  And though they usually didn’t believe me, I know that for many of them, it brought comfort.  As it still does for me.  Some days, I find myself saying it over and over like a chant.  It usually calms me down.  And makes it possible for me to cope.  Every Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous meeting has multiple opportunities to say this prayer.  The theory is that it brings you back into a peaceful state, and keeps you from going off the deep end.  Cravings and mood swings aside.

So, I believe in God.  Saying the word God isn’t difficult for me.  I am not always the most conservative or doctrinaire about that belief, but on an emotional level, I am connected to my spirituality.  How can someone who isn’t so spiritual utilize that prayer?  Well, I personally think they can.  Being aware of good forces in life doesn’t necessarily have to mean that one is connected to…or even believes in… God.  If I wasn’t so spiritual and connected to God, I would substitute the word ‘Please’ for the word God. Please grant me the serenity. Personally, I find the concept of a Higher Power very comforting.  I believe that there is a force out there which controls life overall.  But I certainly don’t have to convince anyone else that is true.

The point of the prayer is to recognize the possibility of serenity.  To acknowledge it is out there for the taking.  As I get more and more in tune with that concept, I am very conscious of people choosing to not look for serenity.  Whether it is because they don’t know how to, or because they don’t want to.  I have had recent experience with people who base their serenity on a relationship.  Or financial stability.  Or acceptance from other people.  And I know that doesn’t work.  Those things come and go.  We go through tough times.  We have all lost relationships.  The feelings surrounding that are pretty similar for most people.  We are sad and we grieve.  We all go through financial struggles.  Especially at this point in our history!  And we all have times when we feel out of step with other people.  But the important factor is what we do with these experiences.  How we cope. 

For me, the serenity comes in when I surrender.  I acknowledge that I am mad, sad, or scared.  And I go on.  I look for solutions.  I ask for suggestions.  I do my research.  And I take action.  Or maybe, serenity comes when I simply let go.  Letting go is an important tool also.  We can’t control the choices that other people make.  So, if I am basing my serenity on the love of another person, then I am destined to fail to find it if that person makes another choice about our relationship.  At the heart of it, the Serenity Prayer is about surrender.  And, of course, acceptance.  In the vocabulary of Landmark…when I try to control things that are beyond my control, I am living in my stories and rackets.  This is destined to make me miserable.

I am grateful for the fact that I have survival tools today.  Especially at this point in my life.  Otherwise, I would be tempted to give up. But I’m not.  I recognize what a gift having life is.  Because some day, I won’t.