A Blessing....Continued

In addition, my Aunt is 85 years-old.  And I know that she is deteriorating.  Even though her contact with me is only by phone.  Her memory is iffy.  She has physical issues.  She is showing traits that indicate to me that I had better be prepared to hear that she has died.  In every phone call, I say “I love you” because I don’t want her to leave this earth without her knowing that.  But I haven’t said to her, “I am writing about Mom”.   Until that night.  When it suddenly seemed right.  I felt a sense of peace.  And the desire to talk to her.  So…..

At about 10:00 p.m. my time, I reached out.  I called and asked her to listen.  I read one of my essays to her.  It happened to be the one about the respect I owe my Mom.  And clearly talked about how my Aunt helped me to survive.  She listened with only a couple of interruptions.  The first was a request.  She wanted me to tell you about my Mom’s rough start in life.  And as you know, I have already done that.  And she said to me that while she always worried about my Dad and 'the children', she had a lot of love for my Mom and sympathy for her situation.  As always, my Aunt touched me deeply.  I had sudden insight into who she is and how much I love her.  Which of course, I told her.   And she gave me her blessing, telling me that she hopes I do publish it.  Which is truly all I needed to hear.  Just thinking about this brings tears to my eyes.  I am so grateful.  I think that people need to recognize the profound experiences that life offers them.  I so see this as one of those.  I am still processing it.  I am still feeling the peace and joy that came out of that conversation. 

A final point that I would like to make…there is one picture of my Mom that I know exists and I do not have.  It shows my Mom and Dad on their wedding day.  And I have always regretted not having a copy of that picture.   Because that picture was important to me.  My Mom wasn’t merely pretty on that day.  She was stunningly beautiful.  And this is how I see her at this point in my life.  My Aunt said she has that picture.  She told me that she always thinks of my Mom that way.  And I told my Aunt how important that picture is to me. Now, I know that I will eventually have that picture.  And I will bequeath it to my daughter.  And Maxine is not lost.  She is here.  In our hearts.