That gentle personal touch....Continued

Of course, as a child, I didn’t know how to do that.  I had no idea of what 'acceptance' was. I was too caught up in the pain of watching my Mom and her illness.  And I was unable to realize that being able to accept my Mom would lead to being more even-handed in my approach to dealing with her.  And ultimately to a more peaceful existence for both of us. My own needs and fears probably made it impossible for me to understand that. I was too close to the situation. Later on in life, when I volunteered to lead a support group for caretakers of those suffering with Alzheimer’s, I was reminded of the importance of that lesson.  And, I was reminded about how hard it is to actually practice it when you are the caretaker/family member. I watched as these family members struggled with the same “What do we do now?” issue as my family did.  Different situations.  With similar issues. And as they discussed their frustration, I was reminded about how I responded to my Mom. Because, whenever you deal with the mental illness of a close family member, you are likely to struggle with being able to support in a nurturing way. Just as we had suffered years before in knowing what to do to support my Mom, these people found themselves losing patience. The sheer overwhelming nature of the experience of dealing with a mentally ill person results in stress and (sometimes) anger.  And the intensity of the emotion robs people of their ability to cope.  They are simply not at their best in dealing with the day to day stress.  Kind of a circular problem, yes?   They struggle and then they get exhausted.  Then they get angry or punitive…or simply give up.  And the stress gets even worse. Round and round we go. 

What is the point of this discussion?  It is important to remember how necessary support is when you are dealing with a mentally ill relative.  You are coping with a huge life-changing issue.  It is not possible to do so alone. So, what do you do?  You find support. You reach out on a blog. You find a therapist or life coach. You go to support group meetings. You learn to allow other people to help. And you work on acceptance. Because that will allow you to work towards creating a workable solution. Or on getting on with the business of learning how to interact with your loved one. Please reach out to me if you need assistance.  Maybe I can be the ear that you can use to find a way through the problem. Give it a try.