That gentle personal touch...

As I was growing up, I really did learn a lot about what ‘worked’ while talking to my mentally ill Mom.  And it wasn’t anger.  And it wasn’t panic.  As I continue to learn at Landmark, ‘who I was being’ in relationship to my Mom had a whole lot of impact.  I have told you before that I couldn’t change the fact of her mental illness (or her anger) by the way I spoke to her.  But I do believe that my approach could make a difference in the intensity of the problem as I was experiencing it.  Being peaceful and accepting of what 'is' can create a more peaceful experience. I truly believe that.  And as I have said before, I learned from what I did as a child. Which really did lead to an ability to create relationships as I worked in the field of mental illness as an adult.  I knew how to talk to people.  I had a more peaceful and accepting approach.  Even if I didn’t always use it in productive ways, I knew what was likely to work and what wouldn’t be likely to work.

When I worked in the geriatric psych unit, I was known for my ability to talk to people in emotional situations. Whether that was a result of my non-threatening demeanor or not, it was a fact.  And it led to lots of moving and interesting conversations with patients.  I remember one situation with an older adult.  She was in the hospital for depression and anxiety.  This seemed to be worse at night when she was lying down and waiting for sleep to carry her away. I worked the overnight shift at the hospital.  And so I would make the rounds and check on patients.  Sometimes, I would find her crying in her room.  I would ask her if I could come in and talk with her for a few moments. Then I would go into her room and sit down on the floor and ask her what was going on.  (There were sometimes no chairs in the rooms.)  Then I simply listened and reassured.   I heard all about what was going on in her life. And she told me about how frightened she was to be in the hospital.  I tried to make it just like a conversation between good buddies.  Most of the time that was enough to allow her to relax and eventually fall asleep. She needed someone to listen. We all have a need to be heard.  Especially those who are suffering with a mental illness.  Sometimes having good listening skills is all that is needed to make a difference in someone’s life.

Later on, after I had transferred out of that unit and taken a job in another part of the hospital, I found out how big the impact that conversation had on her. This woman came back to the hospital to visit with another relative.  And she made it a point to seek me out.  She told me that she had felt very comforted to have me sitting on the floor in her room asking her how she was doing.  I wasn’t intimidating.  And I seemed really concerned about what she was feeling.  No prodding. No medication. Just listening. Throughout my career, I learned that lesson over and over.  When I simply listened, amazing things happened. 

To be continued....