When my heart is raw...Continued

Ironically, that positive and upbeat person is more evident when I am talking to other people.  I know what needs to be done in order to survive.  I can tell others about affirmations, taking medicine and the value of exercise.  I can talk about faith and how your faith can support your recovery.  I am there for other people, loving and supporting them.  When I worked with the mentally ill, I NEVER felt they were worthless.  I educated them about the consequences of their mental illness and how they were in control of their symptoms.  And I was willing to stick it out even when it didn’t seem like they were hearing me.  My friend Maria, who is a great life coach, noticed this in me.  She has read much of what I have written and is very willing to remind me when I become the other Judy.  And it happens. Seriously.

Sometimes I get very emotional. I spend time convinced that I am never going to solve the problems I have been struggling with.  I lose my perspective.  And getting out of bed and making effort to actually put in the effort to do so is a true struggle.  I am depressed.  But the fact is, I have learned to reach out.  And I do so.  As if my life depended on it.  Which it does, in a way.  If I don’t reach out, I become seriously prone to the type of thinking that can lead to suicide.  And I know deep down that life is short enough.  There is no reason for me to make mine even shorter.   There are people who truly love me.  I AM worthwhile.  I am beautiful.  And I am worthy of love. Again, if you can relate to any of this, I suggest that you talk to a medical professional and talk about the possibility.  As I have said before, depression sometimes runs in families.  If you are depressed, you can learn how to survive the experience.