Much
as I would like to avoid the topic, I think this is an important part
of my experience. As I was growing up, money was at the root of many of
the fights that my parents had. My Dad didn‘t earn a lot of money, but
with careful management, we could have done a lot better than we did.
The problem seemed to be my Mom. And with how much she was spending.
I’m not sure exactly what she WAS spending money on. I don’t think even
she knew. But she did spend. And I remember sitting at the table
listening to my Mom and Dad argue about it. This argument happened on a
regular basis. It got very heated. My Mom was nasty when my Dad
mentioned how much she was spending. She screamed at him about being
“queer”. And she told him that he didn’t earn enough money. There was
NO negotiation in my family. It all turned into one big fight. At one
point, my Dad finally took away my Mom’s access to the money. While
probably necessary, it didn’t contribute to family peace and harmony. I
think it even made the fighting worse. That house felt like a
battlefield sometimes. There was so much tension.
To my great shame, I didn’t take away the skills that I believe my Dad had for dealing with money. I am more like my Mom. I don’t handle money well. I worked in poorly paid social service positions most of my professional life. That hasn’t contributed to my well-being. In fact, I usually struggle financially. Which tends to be a big contributing factor in my depression. It’s kind of a vicious circle. And, I’m never quite certain how to get myself out of it. I think that I am acting out the scenario from my family of origin. I don’t manage money well. And I don’t earn much. Then I beat myself up about it.
Money is frequently a huge issue with mentally ill people. The agency I did case management for had an arm that oversaw money for many of my clients. It was my job to request funds when my clients needed it. Thankfully, the agency had the power to turn down the requests. When the clients were overspending, the agency would be aware of it. And since they were most likely surviving on SSDI (Social Security Disability), it was important that it be managed well. I was simply grateful that I didn’t have to make any of the money decisions. I wasn’t doing so well at handling my own money.
What has all this taught me? Well, I took away the ‘story’ from my childhood that I am incapable of handling money. I’m not sure HOW I came up with that story. But I did. And I am very aware of how powerless this story can keep me. Money is nothing but a tool. It brings you a feeling of security. And when I don’t manage money well, I am always in a place of insecurity. I am learning that I can change that by declaring it to be different, and then taking action. So, I declare it. I AM capable of handling money. Whatever has been before is in the past. And I will take action. The first ‘action’ I am taking is to forgive myself. I don’t think my Dad ever forgave my Mom. And they were stuck in this pattern. The other action steps will have to occur on a daily basis. That is the only way to create the possibility of stability in my life.
Do you struggle with money issues? Can you see the roots of it in your family? Did mental illness impact the way that your family dealt with money? How does it impact you today?
To my great shame, I didn’t take away the skills that I believe my Dad had for dealing with money. I am more like my Mom. I don’t handle money well. I worked in poorly paid social service positions most of my professional life. That hasn’t contributed to my well-being. In fact, I usually struggle financially. Which tends to be a big contributing factor in my depression. It’s kind of a vicious circle. And, I’m never quite certain how to get myself out of it. I think that I am acting out the scenario from my family of origin. I don’t manage money well. And I don’t earn much. Then I beat myself up about it.
Money is frequently a huge issue with mentally ill people. The agency I did case management for had an arm that oversaw money for many of my clients. It was my job to request funds when my clients needed it. Thankfully, the agency had the power to turn down the requests. When the clients were overspending, the agency would be aware of it. And since they were most likely surviving on SSDI (Social Security Disability), it was important that it be managed well. I was simply grateful that I didn’t have to make any of the money decisions. I wasn’t doing so well at handling my own money.
What has all this taught me? Well, I took away the ‘story’ from my childhood that I am incapable of handling money. I’m not sure HOW I came up with that story. But I did. And I am very aware of how powerless this story can keep me. Money is nothing but a tool. It brings you a feeling of security. And when I don’t manage money well, I am always in a place of insecurity. I am learning that I can change that by declaring it to be different, and then taking action. So, I declare it. I AM capable of handling money. Whatever has been before is in the past. And I will take action. The first ‘action’ I am taking is to forgive myself. I don’t think my Dad ever forgave my Mom. And they were stuck in this pattern. The other action steps will have to occur on a daily basis. That is the only way to create the possibility of stability in my life.
Do you struggle with money issues? Can you see the roots of it in your family? Did mental illness impact the way that your family dealt with money? How does it impact you today?
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