When my daughter encouraged me to move from Orlando when I was seriously depressed and struggling, she really didn't promise to make it all better. She did tell me that she would help me get back on my feet. And she kept that promise. I had temporary housing. I had encouragement during my job search. She helped me problem-solve as needed. But, she didn't do it for me. Really, she couldn't. I was very aware as I made the move that most of what needed doing was my responsibility. And part of the reason that I'm still standing...surviving and thriving.....is that I took that responsibility seriously.
Now, when you are depressed, it isn't easy to recognize that. You want to have someone else take over and solve the problems. Been there, done that. But what I've learned is that nobody else can do it for me. I got a job because I applied for jobs. I made it to Tennessee because I made arrangements to make the move. And in solving problems, I had to accept that progress would be incremental. The first place I lived was unacceptable, with a landlord who told me that I could only turn on one lamp at a time, and then avoided making repairs when the plumbing totally went out. The second place was more like it, although it isn't perfect.
Why did this come up? A FB friend reached out to me with a mighty dose of depression and hopelessness. And he seems to expect me to solve the problems. I can't do that. Which seems reasonable to me. I don't want to be in charge of his life. I am willing to be a cheerleader. I have a passion for helping people find the spark and the options for dealing with depression. I can give him ideas. But the reality is that I can't change his path. He is responsible for doing that. I would like to see my friend get help. I don't know whether that is possible. He lives in another country. But I can tell him that in order to move forward, he may need assistance. From a 'system' of resources. Not from one person who will make it all better. And going beyond that system......he will need to find it in himself to nurture himself. And be willing to go outside his comfort zone. I encourage him to take some risks for recovery. Just like the road that led me to Tennessee, it might make all the difference. Can you relate? Let's talk! Sending love......
Now, when you are depressed, it isn't easy to recognize that. You want to have someone else take over and solve the problems. Been there, done that. But what I've learned is that nobody else can do it for me. I got a job because I applied for jobs. I made it to Tennessee because I made arrangements to make the move. And in solving problems, I had to accept that progress would be incremental. The first place I lived was unacceptable, with a landlord who told me that I could only turn on one lamp at a time, and then avoided making repairs when the plumbing totally went out. The second place was more like it, although it isn't perfect.
Why did this come up? A FB friend reached out to me with a mighty dose of depression and hopelessness. And he seems to expect me to solve the problems. I can't do that. Which seems reasonable to me. I don't want to be in charge of his life. I am willing to be a cheerleader. I have a passion for helping people find the spark and the options for dealing with depression. I can give him ideas. But the reality is that I can't change his path. He is responsible for doing that. I would like to see my friend get help. I don't know whether that is possible. He lives in another country. But I can tell him that in order to move forward, he may need assistance. From a 'system' of resources. Not from one person who will make it all better. And going beyond that system......he will need to find it in himself to nurture himself. And be willing to go outside his comfort zone. I encourage him to take some risks for recovery. Just like the road that led me to Tennessee, it might make all the difference. Can you relate? Let's talk! Sending love......
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