One of the most difficult situations for me is realizing that not everybody likes me. For a lot of reasons connected with growing up and not feeling like I was part of the group at school, not being liked has always had way too much power over me. I think that many human beings, especially mentally ill ones, can relate to this. When it is clear that I don't connect with someone, I've put myself through way too much emotional distress. Even when I see the reason why pretty clearly. This reached a crescendo in Florida when I was dealing with my depression and wanting to die. If someone didn't like me, it felt like the biggest tragedy in the world. And it did happen. The most interesting thing about this issue is that an ex-partner gave me the answer. And I couldn't really understand it at that time. He would always tell me that it wasn't any of my business if someone didn't like me. For someone wanting to be liked by everybody, that wasn't a good answer. I could see the logic. But I couldn't deal with the reality.
What brought this to mind? A person I didn't really connect with reached out on a social media site. And I really thought about what my response should be. While I understand that sometimes it is a good idea to give things a chance, I also remember that we were simply two different people. And I was hurt by her actions and attitudes. I recognize today that my hurt might have been a function of my depression. However, I also realized that there was no professional reason to connect with her. And she reached out on a professional social media site. I'm writing. I'm working. And she is a professional connection. Sometimes there is simply nothing there. And this was the case with this person. I was reminded of the words of my ex-partner. It really isn't any of my business why we didn't connect. We simply didn't. And since this is a professional site, I don't have any reason to make a connection. So I didn't. If it had been a request for connection on a personal site, I would have considered it more. Maybe.
For me, that was an indicator of something profound. I get that not all people will like me. I understand that I won't be everybody's best friend. And I accept that. How do I know I accept it? I didn't feel anger when I turned down the connection. I didn't feel hurt. I just looked at the logic behind the connection. And I was truly able to let it go. If this is a sign of growth, I'm glad to see it. I've spent way too much time on totally unnecessary guilt over relationships that were not meant to be. Sometimes I've been guilty of hurting people. We all have been. And I will have to deal with the reality of those things in my own space and time. But sometimes, it just is. Not everybody is our friend. And I will have to be willing to deal with that too. Right now, I am. It isn't any of my business. I don't have to understand the why. And that is OK.
So, back to my title. I couldn't send mail because I turned down the connection. If I could have, I would have wished her the best. And told her that I'm not looking for a connection because I'm not in the market for working with someone in her field. I probably won't ever be since I'm reaching that age when I want to wind things down. I'm not even sure that is why she reached out. But there is no other reason, in my opinion, for me to connect with her on a professional site. The result is...I blessed her and went on. Wonderful feeling. Can you relate to this? If you can, the feeling of peace at working through it is extraordinary. Let's talk and see if I can support you in achieving it. Sending love.........
What brought this to mind? A person I didn't really connect with reached out on a social media site. And I really thought about what my response should be. While I understand that sometimes it is a good idea to give things a chance, I also remember that we were simply two different people. And I was hurt by her actions and attitudes. I recognize today that my hurt might have been a function of my depression. However, I also realized that there was no professional reason to connect with her. And she reached out on a professional social media site. I'm writing. I'm working. And she is a professional connection. Sometimes there is simply nothing there. And this was the case with this person. I was reminded of the words of my ex-partner. It really isn't any of my business why we didn't connect. We simply didn't. And since this is a professional site, I don't have any reason to make a connection. So I didn't. If it had been a request for connection on a personal site, I would have considered it more. Maybe.
For me, that was an indicator of something profound. I get that not all people will like me. I understand that I won't be everybody's best friend. And I accept that. How do I know I accept it? I didn't feel anger when I turned down the connection. I didn't feel hurt. I just looked at the logic behind the connection. And I was truly able to let it go. If this is a sign of growth, I'm glad to see it. I've spent way too much time on totally unnecessary guilt over relationships that were not meant to be. Sometimes I've been guilty of hurting people. We all have been. And I will have to deal with the reality of those things in my own space and time. But sometimes, it just is. Not everybody is our friend. And I will have to be willing to deal with that too. Right now, I am. It isn't any of my business. I don't have to understand the why. And that is OK.
So, back to my title. I couldn't send mail because I turned down the connection. If I could have, I would have wished her the best. And told her that I'm not looking for a connection because I'm not in the market for working with someone in her field. I probably won't ever be since I'm reaching that age when I want to wind things down. I'm not even sure that is why she reached out. But there is no other reason, in my opinion, for me to connect with her on a professional site. The result is...I blessed her and went on. Wonderful feeling. Can you relate to this? If you can, the feeling of peace at working through it is extraordinary. Let's talk and see if I can support you in achieving it. Sending love.........
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