When a friend was given a new diagnosis regarding her mental illness this week, I watched as she seemed to reel. As I've spoken of before, words have a lot of power over us. But the reality is that words are just words. When someone is diagnosed, it is essentially a way of identifying a set of symptoms. In my opinion, their only utility is in the management of whatever is going on. I have depression. I'm not depression. I'm Judy. I relate to human beings as human beings. Even when they share what their diagnosis is with me. I don't really care...except as a function of wanting the best life for them that they can achieve. So, to give this friend something to think about, I posted a previous article on labels. And I had a realization along the way. I always struggle with the words around the holidays. Being Jewish, and the minority, is sometimes very painful. I've spent a lifetime around people that think my religious beliefs are simply an opportunity to proselytize and attempt to convert me. "You are going to hell" has been a constant talking point for some of these people. And when you ask them to please stop, they tell you that it is all about love. (If it is, I'm not feeling it.) In December, I've lived with the constant drum-beat of 'Merry Christmas' and Santa Claus, even though MY favorite holiday is Chanukah. December has become about how I'm different. Not about how I'm part of the human family.
Ultimately, December has become all about the words. Not the wishes. I try to be inclusive. Especially before Chanukah. I say 'Happy Holidays'. Which has unleashed a lot of anger towards me. There is this belief in the United States that if you don't say 'Merry Christmas', you are at war with Christianity. That isn't the case. I support my Christian friends in celebrating their wonderful holiday. I just don't support them trying to force it on me or on other people celebrating other holidays. It has always been my goal to be respectful. 'Happy Holidays' isn't a curse. It's said with love and genuine good wishes. What is behind the wish is what's most important. Just like it is the person behind the diagnosis that is most meaningful. Words are words. And we decide to infuse them with hatred and anger. If the intent is to dehumanize or spread hate...we get our point across. That is why certain words describing people are so nasty. Because we've added the hate.
I don't like to see 'Happy Holidays' become infused with that hatred. But it has been. And I don't understand how something genuinely loving can become a symbol for hatred. But I'm not willing to feed that. If I tell you 'Happy Holidays', I'm sending genuine good wishes for your holiday season. Whatever holiday you celebrate. If you can't accept that because of the words I've used, so be it. I have no power over the way you think. If I know someone celebrates Christmas, I will try to use those words. But I'm not going to give in to your belief that the words I use discount my good wishes. Just like I don't buy judgments that the words "mentally ill" mean weak, bad, or violent.
The point? Look behind the words to see the individual. Be able to see human beings. Accept people for who they are. Not who you think they are. See the positive in people. Don't give in to hate and judgment. I'm taking back my December. This is a time of joy and celebration, not anger and distrust. Hope you have a joyous whatever holiday you celebrate. I'm sending lots of love. Let's talk!!
Ultimately, December has become all about the words. Not the wishes. I try to be inclusive. Especially before Chanukah. I say 'Happy Holidays'. Which has unleashed a lot of anger towards me. There is this belief in the United States that if you don't say 'Merry Christmas', you are at war with Christianity. That isn't the case. I support my Christian friends in celebrating their wonderful holiday. I just don't support them trying to force it on me or on other people celebrating other holidays. It has always been my goal to be respectful. 'Happy Holidays' isn't a curse. It's said with love and genuine good wishes. What is behind the wish is what's most important. Just like it is the person behind the diagnosis that is most meaningful. Words are words. And we decide to infuse them with hatred and anger. If the intent is to dehumanize or spread hate...we get our point across. That is why certain words describing people are so nasty. Because we've added the hate.
I don't like to see 'Happy Holidays' become infused with that hatred. But it has been. And I don't understand how something genuinely loving can become a symbol for hatred. But I'm not willing to feed that. If I tell you 'Happy Holidays', I'm sending genuine good wishes for your holiday season. Whatever holiday you celebrate. If you can't accept that because of the words I've used, so be it. I have no power over the way you think. If I know someone celebrates Christmas, I will try to use those words. But I'm not going to give in to your belief that the words I use discount my good wishes. Just like I don't buy judgments that the words "mentally ill" mean weak, bad, or violent.
The point? Look behind the words to see the individual. Be able to see human beings. Accept people for who they are. Not who you think they are. See the positive in people. Don't give in to hate and judgment. I'm taking back my December. This is a time of joy and celebration, not anger and distrust. Hope you have a joyous whatever holiday you celebrate. I'm sending lots of love. Let's talk!!
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