When I worked in the field, I had one experience that solidified for me that mental illness is the real thing. Although I had many experiences seeing the reality, the difference for me was that this was a real reminder of what had happened to Maxine. The situation was this: A woman getting treatment for addiction was in a treatment center. And as she was detoxed, things seemed to get worse, not better. I watched as she refused to go to treatment activities. She didn't want to bathe or change her clothes. She would sit at a table and smoke cigarettes and stare off into the distance for hours. She was angry and would lash out. Sound familiar? It sure looked familiar to me. I was watching what I saw in Maxine. This woman was followed by a psychiatrist that I had great respect for. And the diagnosis was psychotic depression. The other factor that made me realize that mental illness is truly real is that as she was treated for her psychotic depression, things improved. She could go to the meetings and benefit. She was more willing to take care of her hygiene. And she actually talked to people.
I sat down with this psychiatrist and did something that I probably wouldn't do normally. I told her about Maxine. And she told me that psychotic depression really was a possible cause. Of course, there could be no confirmation. Maxine wasn't sitting down in front of this doctor. We were both relying on my recall of Maxine's symptoms while I was a child. But my point is this: I truly got that Maxine wasn't choosing to act out. I got that she had an illness. It was an amazing turning point in my understanding that mental illness is real. And I've never really looked back. While I have vacillated in terms of taking on shame, I have never doubted that mental illness is a real thing. Now, part of stigma is the denial of the reality of what mental illness truly is. And while people have shown some increased understanding that it is real, there is still stigma. How do I know this?
Here is how I know this: I have heard people say that doctors give drugs like candy for mental illness. I have heard people say that mental illness is over-diagnosed and it's an excuse. I have people tell me that mentally ill people can just change their attitude and get better. I know differently. I have seen people struggle to find the right medication to help them get back on an even keel. I have seen people unable to achieve sobriety because an underlying mental illness drags them down. And there are some in AA/NA who will tell people that if they take medication for their mental illness, they aren't clean and sober. For some human beings, NOT taking medication will be a death sentence. And that is the truth. Period. In my case, I recognized that choice isn't always a factor in dealing with mental illness. I have lots of head knowledge. Yet I still experienced some of this myself. I am here to tell you that I can't stay healthy without a combination of medication and support. I take a relatively low dose of an anti-depressant. I also take a thyroid medication that supports that medication. And if I am unable to get those medications, I will soon be in the hospital. Or dead. I learned this as I tried to cope with a difficult period in my life without medication. I was unable to change my attitude. I was scared. I was panicked. I was physically struggling. I had no ability to focus. My ability to make decisions was impacted. And the depression and anxiety threatened my very existence. I also know this because even though I believe I'm now in recovery, I deal with tough situations sometimes. And instead of causing me to wallow in depression and anxiety, I'm able to deal with them. Not easily. But I'm not thinking of killing myself. NOW...I have medication.
Before you question the reality of mental illness, try sitting down with someone who has dealt with it and ask about their experience. Understand that medications are not an excuse to sell drugs to the public or to addicts/alcoholics. It is an effort to change the underlying biochemical issues for someone dealing with illness. For some people, medication is a life-line. For me, that has probably been the case. I could have easily died in Orlando, if I hadn't been stubborn and educated enough to understand there was a solution. I spent an unnatural amount of time trying to figure out how to kill myself. Thankfully, I didn't come up with anything. I really was a little bit of a coward. And I didn't want to hurt my daughter that way. Stigma hurts. I'm going to be blunt here...you are showing your ignorance when you deny the reality of mental illness. Is medication the only way? No. But unless you are a doctor with knowledge about ME, don't tell me that I can change my attitude without it. Each person is an individual. Medicine really isn't an exact science. And different people need different things to achieve recovery. Don't judge. Let's talk!
I sat down with this psychiatrist and did something that I probably wouldn't do normally. I told her about Maxine. And she told me that psychotic depression really was a possible cause. Of course, there could be no confirmation. Maxine wasn't sitting down in front of this doctor. We were both relying on my recall of Maxine's symptoms while I was a child. But my point is this: I truly got that Maxine wasn't choosing to act out. I got that she had an illness. It was an amazing turning point in my understanding that mental illness is real. And I've never really looked back. While I have vacillated in terms of taking on shame, I have never doubted that mental illness is a real thing. Now, part of stigma is the denial of the reality of what mental illness truly is. And while people have shown some increased understanding that it is real, there is still stigma. How do I know this?
Here is how I know this: I have heard people say that doctors give drugs like candy for mental illness. I have heard people say that mental illness is over-diagnosed and it's an excuse. I have people tell me that mentally ill people can just change their attitude and get better. I know differently. I have seen people struggle to find the right medication to help them get back on an even keel. I have seen people unable to achieve sobriety because an underlying mental illness drags them down. And there are some in AA/NA who will tell people that if they take medication for their mental illness, they aren't clean and sober. For some human beings, NOT taking medication will be a death sentence. And that is the truth. Period. In my case, I recognized that choice isn't always a factor in dealing with mental illness. I have lots of head knowledge. Yet I still experienced some of this myself. I am here to tell you that I can't stay healthy without a combination of medication and support. I take a relatively low dose of an anti-depressant. I also take a thyroid medication that supports that medication. And if I am unable to get those medications, I will soon be in the hospital. Or dead. I learned this as I tried to cope with a difficult period in my life without medication. I was unable to change my attitude. I was scared. I was panicked. I was physically struggling. I had no ability to focus. My ability to make decisions was impacted. And the depression and anxiety threatened my very existence. I also know this because even though I believe I'm now in recovery, I deal with tough situations sometimes. And instead of causing me to wallow in depression and anxiety, I'm able to deal with them. Not easily. But I'm not thinking of killing myself. NOW...I have medication.
Before you question the reality of mental illness, try sitting down with someone who has dealt with it and ask about their experience. Understand that medications are not an excuse to sell drugs to the public or to addicts/alcoholics. It is an effort to change the underlying biochemical issues for someone dealing with illness. For some people, medication is a life-line. For me, that has probably been the case. I could have easily died in Orlando, if I hadn't been stubborn and educated enough to understand there was a solution. I spent an unnatural amount of time trying to figure out how to kill myself. Thankfully, I didn't come up with anything. I really was a little bit of a coward. And I didn't want to hurt my daughter that way. Stigma hurts. I'm going to be blunt here...you are showing your ignorance when you deny the reality of mental illness. Is medication the only way? No. But unless you are a doctor with knowledge about ME, don't tell me that I can change my attitude without it. Each person is an individual. Medicine really isn't an exact science. And different people need different things to achieve recovery. Don't judge. Let's talk!
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