One of the biggest predictors of people being willing to share about mental illness is whether they are willing to be seen in their humanity. We rely on image in our society. In business, in politics, and in life generally, our focus is on presenting ourselves in the way that we would like to be seen. I knew that as a child. I would have liked nothing better than for NOBODY to know about Maxine. Unfortunately for me, she was there. And she was seen. So, I couldn't hide. But that "outing" wasn't by choice. So, it didn't serve me. It shamed me. Because I bought into the need for maintaining the "image" of a normal suburban family. And clearly, my family wasn't that. What I didn't recognize as a child is that most human beings don't fit "the image". Those who have physical beauty have 'flaws'. Or we wouldn't have photoshopping. Those who present a 'moral and always together' image rarely have a 'moral and always together' life. Anyone hear about the Duggar family? Why is the failing of this very public family so shocking to some people? Because they were presenting an image that wasn't real. Whatever you believe about religion, people are human. And human beings have issues.
I sometimes look at what people post on social media and wonder...what are you hiding? Is it really that good? In my life, I've gradually realized that what has created "Judy" and who she has become hasn't always been pretty. And now, I can deal with that. I have no shame about owning who I am. With my problems and my flaws. With my sometimes messy history. I think I would have been horrified in high school about having a conversation with my peers about Maxine. But since I've written this blog...many of those who I would have been most afraid of sharing this with have read my blog. And there hasn't been a big hole in the earth that swallowed me up. I'm still alive. As a matter of fact, I've felt acceptance from some people. That feels so affirming.
What's your experience with honesty been like? It really isn't safe sometimes to be honest. You can lose jobs, family, friendships, etc. The cost may be high. Before I published this blog, I had more than one person caution me. And I know many human beings terrified about people finding out who they are and what they struggle with. Isn't it sad? We can't be human because we are too busy being an image. I feel lucky. Shedding that image has been one of the most profoundly rewarding experiences in my life. Why did I do it? I had this gut level feeling that being who I am would help me feel better about myself. And it has. As much as I resent their hypocrisy, I feel sorry for the Duggar family. What would happen if they could say: "Here we are. We aren't better than you. We don't always have the answers." It would be more honest. We all struggle to find our path. We have problems. We feel anger, shame, fear, and angst. We fail. And accepting that is the only way to honestly soar. Sending all my love. Let's talk!
I sometimes look at what people post on social media and wonder...what are you hiding? Is it really that good? In my life, I've gradually realized that what has created "Judy" and who she has become hasn't always been pretty. And now, I can deal with that. I have no shame about owning who I am. With my problems and my flaws. With my sometimes messy history. I think I would have been horrified in high school about having a conversation with my peers about Maxine. But since I've written this blog...many of those who I would have been most afraid of sharing this with have read my blog. And there hasn't been a big hole in the earth that swallowed me up. I'm still alive. As a matter of fact, I've felt acceptance from some people. That feels so affirming.
What's your experience with honesty been like? It really isn't safe sometimes to be honest. You can lose jobs, family, friendships, etc. The cost may be high. Before I published this blog, I had more than one person caution me. And I know many human beings terrified about people finding out who they are and what they struggle with. Isn't it sad? We can't be human because we are too busy being an image. I feel lucky. Shedding that image has been one of the most profoundly rewarding experiences in my life. Why did I do it? I had this gut level feeling that being who I am would help me feel better about myself. And it has. As much as I resent their hypocrisy, I feel sorry for the Duggar family. What would happen if they could say: "Here we are. We aren't better than you. We don't always have the answers." It would be more honest. We all struggle to find our path. We have problems. We feel anger, shame, fear, and angst. We fail. And accepting that is the only way to honestly soar. Sending all my love. Let's talk!
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