When I was growing up with my mentally ill mother, life felt anything but normal. I believed that I was different. And my life was different. And that feeling has remained with me throughout my life. As I struggled with my depression. As I married and then divorced. And through my experiences raising a child as a single parent. I felt like "the other". Which to me meant that I was somehow flawed. I guess the logic behind these thoughts was that I couldn't be like anybody else...because I grew up with Maxine. And I didn't know anybody else who had that exact experience. As far as I knew, nobody I went to school with had a mentally ill Mom. So I saw myself as out of the mainstream. Which meant that in some ways, I was isolated.
Why am I mentioning this? Because today has been a warm day in Tennessee. And not a hot one. I felt capable of walking home because it wasn't 100 degrees out. So, my walking stick (Barnaby) and I set out for my home. My walk is approximately 15 minutes long. On a day when my legs are fairly good...I can do it in ten minutes. It's a beautiful walk, with hills and trees. Today the sun was shining. There was a breeze. And even with my leg difficulties, it was beautiful. I heard the dogs barking. I heard and saw people mowing their lawns. I passed a pretty church on the way. And I saw people sitting on their front porch watching their children play. So what was I seeing? Normalcy. Everyday life. And I was reminded about why I love taking that walk so much. It's a reminder that I'm living an average life. I go to work. I clean my house. I visit family. I have friends in the neighborhood. I cook for myself. I have problems too. But they strike me as being the usual kinds of problems that human beings face. It's all NORMAL.
The depression is still there. If I don't use my tools, I'm worried that it will come back full-force. And that isn't a part of the "normal" life I aspire to. So, I do the work. I take the medicine. I ask for feedback. I use my support system. I work at staying as well as I can. And whenever I feel a need to be reminded that my life isn't really "different", all I have to do is take a walk. And observe what surrounds me. Real life. With real people. And I'm one of them. Even with the fact that I live with a mental illness. I finally get that. I don't have to look into other people's windows to find normalcy. I'm living it.
Can you relate to my struggle to feel normal? What makes you feel different? Does it isolate you? What can you do to change that feeling? Please reach out to me if I can help you find what your "normal" is. We aren't our mental illness. We are real human beings. Let's talk!
Why am I mentioning this? Because today has been a warm day in Tennessee. And not a hot one. I felt capable of walking home because it wasn't 100 degrees out. So, my walking stick (Barnaby) and I set out for my home. My walk is approximately 15 minutes long. On a day when my legs are fairly good...I can do it in ten minutes. It's a beautiful walk, with hills and trees. Today the sun was shining. There was a breeze. And even with my leg difficulties, it was beautiful. I heard the dogs barking. I heard and saw people mowing their lawns. I passed a pretty church on the way. And I saw people sitting on their front porch watching their children play. So what was I seeing? Normalcy. Everyday life. And I was reminded about why I love taking that walk so much. It's a reminder that I'm living an average life. I go to work. I clean my house. I visit family. I have friends in the neighborhood. I cook for myself. I have problems too. But they strike me as being the usual kinds of problems that human beings face. It's all NORMAL.
The depression is still there. If I don't use my tools, I'm worried that it will come back full-force. And that isn't a part of the "normal" life I aspire to. So, I do the work. I take the medicine. I ask for feedback. I use my support system. I work at staying as well as I can. And whenever I feel a need to be reminded that my life isn't really "different", all I have to do is take a walk. And observe what surrounds me. Real life. With real people. And I'm one of them. Even with the fact that I live with a mental illness. I finally get that. I don't have to look into other people's windows to find normalcy. I'm living it.
Can you relate to my struggle to feel normal? What makes you feel different? Does it isolate you? What can you do to change that feeling? Please reach out to me if I can help you find what your "normal" is. We aren't our mental illness. We are real human beings. Let's talk!
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