Wednesday, June 10, 2015

One foot outside the hole........

One of the most useful pieces of advice I ever heard as a young chemical dependency counselor was this:  As you work with people living with mental illness/substance abuse, be the person with one foot firmly planted on solid ground so that you can be a true helper.  The point?  You can't help if you are participating in the problem. Which simply means that you have to be honest.  And you have to be calm and peaceful with whatever is presented to you.  Now, this is more complex when you are dealing with mental illness in your personal life.  As a child, I tried to be honest with Maxine.  I tried to tell her that she had a problem.  I was also anything but calm.  Of course, that didn't go particularly well.  I was a child.  She was the Mom.  And frankly, the times that I was 'honest' with her resulted in her abusive behavior.  So, what does this tell me?  Being a family member or a friend to someone living with mental illness can be difficult.  That shouldn't come as a surprise.

When you are working professionally with someone with a mental illness, there is a power differential.  You have the mantle of authority coming from knowledge and job status.  It doesn't always help, but it is a useful tool.  As a family member or friend, you probably don't have that authority.  And it doesn't really matter if you have the knowledge.  All you can do is be there.  And use the services of those capable of intervening should the situation warrant it. As many family members and friends learn, the complexity of dealing with mental illness in a loved one can be exhausting and demoralizing.

But here is what you can do:  You can educate yourself about mental illness.  You can seek support from agencies and support groups.  You can make serious effort to take care of your own mental health.  And it is imperative that you do so.  You can provide your loved one with every opportunity to get help.  You can encourage compliance with medication regimens.  But, unfortunately, you cannot control the decisions of your loved one.  That is fact.  Your basic job is to care for yourself and those around you impacted by the behavior of your loved one.  In a world in which it is estimated that one in four live with mental illness, this isn't a small problem. Many families deal with it. If this is an issue for your family, reach out.  I'm here.  So are local mental health centers and support groups. NAMI has many programs to support.  Check out your local office.  In sharing comes healing. Let's talk!!

No comments: