As of today, I'm 58 years old. I've lived longer than my Dad. And I'm very aware of what a gift that is. Being a 'good' human being doesn't guarantee you long life. He left our family way too soon. I still miss him. So, I consider any time that I have beyond this age a bonus. And I want to use that bonus to live life fighting mental illness. In my own life and in the lives of those that I care for. The seriousness of my own mental illness became very clear to me as I struggled through an extremely painful episode in Orlando. And during that time, I realized how truly precious our connection to life can be. I would gladly have died if I could have figured out a way to do it without hurting those that care for me. I was forced into looking for solutions. And I found them. I've also found the motivation to continue working on my mental health because of my love for family. I have reasons for staying alive for as long as I'm given the opportunity.
To recover, you have to find a reason. It can be something internal...like stubbornness. Or it can be external, like family and friends. It may also be spiritual and come from strongly held beliefs. For many of us, the desire to kill ourselves comes from simply being tired. You give up and want to stop fighting. That is what my desire to die came from. I simply didn't see any way that things could possibly improve. And when I looked into my future, all I saw was further pain. Don't discount the power of mental illness. In my blog, I've talked about people who have died as a result of the illness. Being smart doesn't change that. If you are using logic to appeal to someone who is struggling, you are probably fighting a losing battle. The darkness that comes from living with mental illness isn't logical.
But here is what saved me: Love. That is all. The love that I was given by a daughter who lived two states away. I was lucky. Love was enough to do it. My sweet daughter almost single-handedly forced me to find the way home. And it made a huge difference. The woman who I gave life to returned the favor. And that has provided me with access to recovery. EVERY day I have gratitude for this gift. But on this particular birthday, it seems even more miraculous. Today, my loving daughter and I will spend time together. I'm home with my family. And grateful for the opportunity. So, today is a day to celebrate life. Truly. Getting older isn't a problem. The alternative is simply not OK.
If you are struggling today, please reach out. Call your local suicide hotline. Call a friend. Call your family. Contact me! Don't give up or give in. It is time to do it. It CAN get better. Sending all my love.
To recover, you have to find a reason. It can be something internal...like stubbornness. Or it can be external, like family and friends. It may also be spiritual and come from strongly held beliefs. For many of us, the desire to kill ourselves comes from simply being tired. You give up and want to stop fighting. That is what my desire to die came from. I simply didn't see any way that things could possibly improve. And when I looked into my future, all I saw was further pain. Don't discount the power of mental illness. In my blog, I've talked about people who have died as a result of the illness. Being smart doesn't change that. If you are using logic to appeal to someone who is struggling, you are probably fighting a losing battle. The darkness that comes from living with mental illness isn't logical.
But here is what saved me: Love. That is all. The love that I was given by a daughter who lived two states away. I was lucky. Love was enough to do it. My sweet daughter almost single-handedly forced me to find the way home. And it made a huge difference. The woman who I gave life to returned the favor. And that has provided me with access to recovery. EVERY day I have gratitude for this gift. But on this particular birthday, it seems even more miraculous. Today, my loving daughter and I will spend time together. I'm home with my family. And grateful for the opportunity. So, today is a day to celebrate life. Truly. Getting older isn't a problem. The alternative is simply not OK.
If you are struggling today, please reach out. Call your local suicide hotline. Call a friend. Call your family. Contact me! Don't give up or give in. It is time to do it. It CAN get better. Sending all my love.
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