I've had many profound lessons in family function and dysfunction during my lifetime. Starting with Maxine. While I questioned the wisdom of my Dad staying with my Mom as I grew up, I learned differently as an adult. My Dad showed extraordinary loyalty in staying with Maxine. He knew that breaking up the family might make it more difficult to make sure that my sister and I were cared for. And he knew that even if he was miserable, Maxine needed him in her life. And I think he remembered who Maxine was when he married her. At at the bottom of it all, he loved the woman who gave him his children. Something that I used to view as a weakness now seems like a strength in my Dad...evidence of his moral character. I think that I learned how important family is from his actions.
Loyalty is an important value. And the family is the first line of defense when someone is living with mental illness. Unfortunately, much of the time...mental illness really does break up families. It is understandable. Living with a loved one who has a mental illness is so difficult. Trust me, I know. I struggled to survive Maxine. And I have spent much of my life continuing to be influenced by her. I've seen the impact on families in my work as a case manager and addictions counselor. Families are devastated by mental illness. And it takes lots of work to move through that. Which can't happen without support. In working with my clients, I was always aware that many of them didn't have family support. And those clients that didn't have family support were frequently the people most heavily impacted by their disease.
In a society in which people throw away family during the tough times, I recognize that there are many human beings who are living life without the important support that family offers. Does this mean that I think families should stick together even when they are abusive? No. That isn't support. And people have lost their lives...through death and the emotional impact of abuse. When people lose support due to abuse, there is a need to help them create a support system. And hopefully, people without family support can create 'family' through a support system. Many times friends are a more important source of family than your biological family.
I believe that family is important to recovery. I see my daughter as a primary line of defense in my battle with depression. We support each other. It isn't a case of being carried by my child. It is a case of recognizing the impact of mental illness on each other's life. I am there for her. And she is there for me. I love her. And that is what makes me feel a sense of hope that I will be able to deal with whatever issues that I face. Including my depression. Who do you have in your life that makes you feel a sense of hope? Do you have family or support system backing you? If not, how can you begin to create that family? Let's talk!!
Loyalty is an important value. And the family is the first line of defense when someone is living with mental illness. Unfortunately, much of the time...mental illness really does break up families. It is understandable. Living with a loved one who has a mental illness is so difficult. Trust me, I know. I struggled to survive Maxine. And I have spent much of my life continuing to be influenced by her. I've seen the impact on families in my work as a case manager and addictions counselor. Families are devastated by mental illness. And it takes lots of work to move through that. Which can't happen without support. In working with my clients, I was always aware that many of them didn't have family support. And those clients that didn't have family support were frequently the people most heavily impacted by their disease.
In a society in which people throw away family during the tough times, I recognize that there are many human beings who are living life without the important support that family offers. Does this mean that I think families should stick together even when they are abusive? No. That isn't support. And people have lost their lives...through death and the emotional impact of abuse. When people lose support due to abuse, there is a need to help them create a support system. And hopefully, people without family support can create 'family' through a support system. Many times friends are a more important source of family than your biological family.
I believe that family is important to recovery. I see my daughter as a primary line of defense in my battle with depression. We support each other. It isn't a case of being carried by my child. It is a case of recognizing the impact of mental illness on each other's life. I am there for her. And she is there for me. I love her. And that is what makes me feel a sense of hope that I will be able to deal with whatever issues that I face. Including my depression. Who do you have in your life that makes you feel a sense of hope? Do you have family or support system backing you? If not, how can you begin to create that family? Let's talk!!
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