I remember how difficult it was to be a child dealing with the mental illness of a parent. The shame, anger, and confusion were part and parcel of growing up with Maxine. So, I am always very interested in examining the impact when families today deal with the mental illness of a family member. Especially those families who are stunned to find that the mental illness of a family member has led to an unthinkable conclusion---violence and death. So, when I read this article by a mother of a mentally ill child, I was reminded about how difficult that family connection can be. Here is the link: http://dpo.st/1IaoKu6 Really, can you imagine how it must feel to be a parent to James Holmes? How do you deal with the fact that mental illness led your child to kill innocent people? How do you cope with the judgment that you face as the parent of a killer? How do you live through the trial? Now, I have frequently talked about how violence is statistically low on the part of mentally ill people. It is fact that the mentally ill are more likely to be victims of violence. We have seen this recently in the many news reports of mentally ill people being shot by law enforcement, even when they are unarmed. (#AnthonyHill)
In some ways, this examination has led me to the conclusion that I was very lucky in my dealings with mental illness. Maxine could be abusive. She was certainly an embarrassment. She made our family life stressful and emotionally draining. But somehow we were able to function. Without the intervention of law enforcement. Without the specter of violence. Maxine didn't have access to firearms. I would dare say, she never picked up a weapon of any kind. So, in spite of the trauma...and without treatment options...we limped through. Not well. Clearly, my family was traumatized. I will forever believe that my Dad's early death was caused at least partially by dealing with the stress of my Mom and her mental illness. I also see the impact in my life. But I didn't have to deal with the possibility that my Mom would go out and shoot people. Thank G-d.
But the reality is that dealing with a mentally family member is traumatic for every family. When someone you love is struggling with mental illness, you are involved. You can't help but be involved. It is a life-altering experience. And we tend to further punish those family members with stigma. Blame should never be part of a conversation in which you are looking at family members dealing with mental illness. The reality is that dealing with mental illness isn't something that most people are prepared to do. How do you handle it? What is the 'right way'? And when you can't find help, what are you supposed to do? Treatment isn't readily available. Fifty some years after I dealt with Maxine, there are still no easy answers. And the numbers of mentally ill continue to rise.
It is long past time that we work towards solutions. What do you think we need to do to erase stigma? How can we support families in their struggle? Let's talk! I look forward to hearing YOUR ideas.
In some ways, this examination has led me to the conclusion that I was very lucky in my dealings with mental illness. Maxine could be abusive. She was certainly an embarrassment. She made our family life stressful and emotionally draining. But somehow we were able to function. Without the intervention of law enforcement. Without the specter of violence. Maxine didn't have access to firearms. I would dare say, she never picked up a weapon of any kind. So, in spite of the trauma...and without treatment options...we limped through. Not well. Clearly, my family was traumatized. I will forever believe that my Dad's early death was caused at least partially by dealing with the stress of my Mom and her mental illness. I also see the impact in my life. But I didn't have to deal with the possibility that my Mom would go out and shoot people. Thank G-d.
But the reality is that dealing with a mentally family member is traumatic for every family. When someone you love is struggling with mental illness, you are involved. You can't help but be involved. It is a life-altering experience. And we tend to further punish those family members with stigma. Blame should never be part of a conversation in which you are looking at family members dealing with mental illness. The reality is that dealing with mental illness isn't something that most people are prepared to do. How do you handle it? What is the 'right way'? And when you can't find help, what are you supposed to do? Treatment isn't readily available. Fifty some years after I dealt with Maxine, there are still no easy answers. And the numbers of mentally ill continue to rise.
It is long past time that we work towards solutions. What do you think we need to do to erase stigma? How can we support families in their struggle? Let's talk! I look forward to hearing YOUR ideas.
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