If you disagree......

Today, I had the experience of dealing with a reader of my blog who didn't like what I had to say. The conversation cycled downwards from simple disagreement into nastiness.  Looking at the conversation, I started to become defensive when the tone changed, so I didn't help matters. However, it led me to realizations about what I'm willing to put up with.  And it isn't much. I certainly don't mind disagreement. Especially when I get political  But I don't hang with nastiness. Or stalking  If you attack me personally in any way, shape or form...you will be blocked  I will leave communities. And I will cut off any comments that you make on my blog. I write from personal experience. It is my opinion. It is also my story. So, you can gently challenge what I say.  But if I deem it disrespectful, you are gone. I learned from Maxine that I don't have to put up with abuse.  I've said before that I tend to detach quickly, but it is a hard-fought lesson from my growing up years. If you want to interact with me, it had better be with respect. Or it won't be.

I've noticed that many mentally ill people don't protect themselves in that way. I'm going to talk about the good aspects of self-protection  If you don't take care of yourself, how do you expect someone else to do it for you? When I lived with Maxine, I was a child. I couldn't protect myself. When she told me that I was a 'slut' at 8 years old, I had no defense. I didn't even really understand what a 'slut' was.  But I knew it was bad. I had no defense when she told me that my much loved Dad was a 'queer'.  Again, I didn't totally understand...except I knew that it was bad. So, what was the result?  I felt bad. I felt less than  And it greatly contributed to my depression. I get that Maxine was sick.  But her behavior wasn't OK. And neither was the behavior of the person attacking me this morning.  

For me, civility is a primary value. We really can disagree. On anything....racial politics, the reality of mental illness, my story.  But when it comes down to it, I will protect Judy. Because I wasn't able to do that when I was speaking to Maxine. I can now. And I will. So, this morning, because this person disagreed with me on my view of racism and treatment, I was treated to anger. I was treated to personal attacks. And this person continued to do so long after I told them the conversation was over.  At the very least, I consider this bullying.  But what worried me was the clear problem that this individual has with boundaries. So, I created an artificial one. I blocked him. And I left the offending community.  I won't go back.  Because I looked at the rules for this community and saw that bullying was expressly prohibited.  I know that the moderator was probably not there. And I don't necessarily blame them.  But I will tell you that I don't feel safe there. The definition of insanity is going back into situations and doing the same thing while expecting different results. I'm mentally ill. Not insane. Unless the situation is resolved, I'm gone. So, what does my struggle say for you? How do you take care of yourself? What do you do when you feel threatened? What do you do when people attack who you are? Do you stick around? Do you leave? Do you reach out for support? I would love to discuss it with you. Let's talk!

Thank you al m for your support.  It was such a relief.

I'm going to add that I left the comments up.  I believe people should be accountable for their words. If you would like to see how I define abuse...feel free to go and look on Google+.