Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Tough times during the holidays.....

I've been reading posts and articles about the difficulty of surviving the holiday season when you are living with mental illness.  Especially during  the times that you are struggling.  I'm so happy to be enjoying this holiday season.  And as I've explained, that is because I am home.  And also because my depression is pretty much under control.  I truly feel blessed. But I've had my share of holiday struggles.  One of the most notable for me was the struggle that I had in my final holiday season in Orlando.  I was struggling with my housing because my business was dying.  I didn't feel like I had a home.  I was living with a roommate in an extremely uncomfortable situation.  And while I was glad that I wasn't out on the street, it had been a long time since I felt like I was 'home'.  I remember talking with my daughter often.  On a phone that she was paying for.  I felt worthless.  I felt like a failure.

I think what happens during the holidays is that all the issues that we are facing are made even bigger because we are 'supposed' to be happy during the holidays.  So, we struggle.  I remember resenting the fact that I couldn't see my daughter.  She is my family.  I wanted to see her face as the Channukah candles were lit.  So, my feeling of isolation was increased exponentially. Or if you have lost people due to death or mental illness, the loss is made worse by the fact that they aren't there during the holidays. If you are struggling financially, knowing that you can't provide for those you love seems somehow worse during the holidays. If you have no energy and depression is in control, just going out and watching the world be 'happy' is enough to reinforce how miserable you are. When you look at the totality of what people with mental illness struggle with during a holiday season, it seems logical that the holidays are difficult.

So, given this set of facts...what can we do to make it easier?   The biggest sign of hope for me is that people have places to talk about it.  I watch the posts in the various support groups I belong to and I see people talking.  In sharing, you decrease your feeling of isolation.  People can share their experience, strength and hope with you.  They may even offer suggestions about what you can do to deal with YOUR specific problem.  And in their suggestions may be that nugget that leads to healing for you.  Letting other people in is the solution.  Especially those that can relate to what you are dealing with.  I know that letting people in was helpful for me at the worst.  I remember a friend who talked me through some of the suicidal thoughts I was having.  Maria told me to get myself up out of bed and go walking.  And she talked to me while I did that.  The combination of sunshine, physical exercise, and a friend got me through that moment.  It didn't change one thing in my situation.  It didn't make the depression all better.  But it helped me to survive that particular moment.  And that means the world to me now.  I'm here today because Maria was firm and told me to get myself out of bed.  And I listened.  So, here is what I am saying:  Open yourself up to hearing a support system. Get yourself out of bed.  And let your support group start you on the road to recovery.  Sending all my love and my hope that you make your holiday the best it can be......

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