Taking the steps...,.and pushing through.....

Sometimes problems aren't so easily solved.  Obviously, I learned this as a youngster.  The situation with Maxine was overwhelming, and whatever I did, it didn't get better.  So, as an adult I've had to learn new skills.  I've had to learn how to recognize the things that I can change.  I've also had to learn how to patiently and methodically work through problems.  You see, as a child I learned that whatever you do, it never gets better. So, when faced with problems as an adult, I would assume I'm powerless.  Which clearly feeds my depression. You can't live in hopelessness without feeling depressed.  The ironic part of this is as a case manager, that is what I did for my clients...look for solutions.  I didn't give up.  I was persistent.  I set reasonable goals with the intent of improving their lives.  But when it came to myself, my overriding thought was "I can't".

While I would attempt to make my life better, I had a failure mindset that doomed my efforts.  The result of that showed clearly in my marriage, in my attempts at further education, and in my career.  I had this underlying belief that I couldn't.  So even when I moved forward, I ended up failing.  Now, if faced with another person dealing with that kind of failure, I would know what to say:  "Pick yourself up and look for the open doors".  But for myself, all I saw was the failure.  At least during the times I dealt  with depression. 

How have I learned to handle this negative mind-set?  Here are some of my solutions:

1.  Break down the problem into smaller pieces and partial goals.  Success isn't just found in solving monumental problems.  It is found in steps and small goals that lead to an overall solution.

2.  Don't allow other people with a negative mindset to convince you it can't be done.  Or that you are not worthy.  You need to hang with the winners and create a support system that works.

3.  Be open to possibilities.  Be willing.  Brainstorm.  And don't discount potential solutions.  Ever.   You may end up solving a problem using a solution that looked ridiculous at first glance.

4.  Celebrate all your victories.  Pat yourself on the back.  Tell a friend.

5.  Remember that you don't need to accomplish huge things to have a satisfying life. You get to define happiness and contentment for yourself.

Remember, it is your life.  You are worth the effort it takes to nurture yourself.  Let go of unreasonable expectations and follow your own path.  Be patient as you look for solutions.  And you will find yourself moving forward.  AND DON'T define yourself as a failure.  Let me know how you can relate to this.  Or your own ideas for problem solving.  We all grow when we work together....