It is clear that there will be a response. In my last blog post, I wrote about the benefits of writing. For me, the dopamine rush that occurs is the least of it. When I was a child growing up with a mentally ill Mom....I would have given anything to be heard. If you are a regular reader, you know that I talk about the pain I experienced through denial and silence. But writing has its drawbacks. I've found that the negative reaction I fear from 'outsiders' is nothing compared to the negative I experience from fellow sufferers. I have to admit I was blindsided by that.
So, what am I learning? That if I share my story, I have to expect hurtful feedback. And to share, I need to be prepared to handle that. I have to be aware that people will sometimes have a different agenda than I do. And I might get caught up in that. I've had at least two difficult situations to deal with as I've shared in mental health communities. Looking back on it, I don't think I handled either one particularly well. I get defensive. I get angry. One was in a community in which I participated. I even moderated. But from the beginning, I saw that power and control was used heavily as a tool. People were banned for behaviors that were indicative of mental illness. I saw it as judgmental. But to belong, I participated. So, when that blew up and I was banned (predictably), I was almost relieved.
The second occured as someone challenged my way of participating through my blog. I defended myself. I'm proud of that. But my ego got involved. And I'm still feeling the hurt. What did I learn there? I learned what I said previously. I have to be ready to deal with criticism. And honestly, sometimes I'm not. That is MY issue. Apart from taking the inventory of the people in the communities I've had the issues with, I have learned more about Judy. As a result, I've come up with some thoughts and goals about coping as I put myself out there. I hope you can relate
to this in your life, whether you choose to write or not:
1. If a situation doesn't feel quite right to you, pay attention to your feelings. Don't ignore your feeling in order to fit in or be loved.
2. Remember that not everybody has the same ideas or agenda. Try to not take that personally.
3. Learn to accept disagreement with grace and humility. People won't always see your efforts in the way they are intended.
So, can I see myself as having learned a lesson? No, not yet. I will probably fall down as I learn these new skills. These problems didn't develop in a vacuum. They are part of me. Trying to change is truly hard work. Can you relate to this? Let's talk!!
So, what am I learning? That if I share my story, I have to expect hurtful feedback. And to share, I need to be prepared to handle that. I have to be aware that people will sometimes have a different agenda than I do. And I might get caught up in that. I've had at least two difficult situations to deal with as I've shared in mental health communities. Looking back on it, I don't think I handled either one particularly well. I get defensive. I get angry. One was in a community in which I participated. I even moderated. But from the beginning, I saw that power and control was used heavily as a tool. People were banned for behaviors that were indicative of mental illness. I saw it as judgmental. But to belong, I participated. So, when that blew up and I was banned (predictably), I was almost relieved.
The second occured as someone challenged my way of participating through my blog. I defended myself. I'm proud of that. But my ego got involved. And I'm still feeling the hurt. What did I learn there? I learned what I said previously. I have to be ready to deal with criticism. And honestly, sometimes I'm not. That is MY issue. Apart from taking the inventory of the people in the communities I've had the issues with, I have learned more about Judy. As a result, I've come up with some thoughts and goals about coping as I put myself out there. I hope you can relate
to this in your life, whether you choose to write or not:
1. If a situation doesn't feel quite right to you, pay attention to your feelings. Don't ignore your feeling in order to fit in or be loved.
2. Remember that not everybody has the same ideas or agenda. Try to not take that personally.
3. Learn to accept disagreement with grace and humility. People won't always see your efforts in the way they are intended.
So, can I see myself as having learned a lesson? No, not yet. I will probably fall down as I learn these new skills. These problems didn't develop in a vacuum. They are part of me. Trying to change is truly hard work. Can you relate to this? Let's talk!!
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