Many of my articles are about thoughts as I have them. I have had some recent experiences with being a part of support groups. From this I learned a couple of lessons. The first is that when you still have issues to work on...they will come up. The second is that there isn't an interpersonal problem in the world that doesn't involve the issues of both parties. I have always had an issue with being direct...with saying what I think...and people are sometimes put off by that. It comes across as angry sometimes. Even when I am not feeling angry. When I moved from my hometown in Chicago to Nashville when I was younger, I struggled to deal with presentation. How am I saying this? How will it be received? So, this is a core issue for me. A lifelong problem. Sometimes I am pushy. Sometimes I come off as angry. However, much of the time that is because I am passionate about what I believe.
But the other fact is that people do a dance in relationships. My problem areas are likely to become problems with other people who have their own weak spots. I've found it useful to be aware of patterns in people. But sometimes, because I want to get along, I ignore those patterns. People do that. We see something that is a problem in someone we are invested in...and we choose to ignore it. Until our issue and their issue shows. And it explodes. In maturity, and in recovery, people would confront the issue before it explodes. Or work it out after the explosion. But for some people it is more comfortable to push people away. If there is a problem, close the door. Get rid of the person. I can tell you that we have probably all done this. In this situation, I recently experienced, I found myself doing it also.
So, what am I going to do with this? I am going to work on many things as a consequence of my recent issue. First, I will remember that presentation means a lot. And I will also remember that people don't see your intent on the Internet. I will try (yet again) to examine how what I am saying is received. I will make amends where I am able. I will recognize (yet again) that ignoring problematic patterns in other people doesn't work. I will try to stand up and say...this is wrong. I will recommit to opening doors instead of closing them. In short, I will take a situation that made me sad and make it positive. I will try to grow from my mistakes.
We all confront these core issue situations. How do you handle them? Don't let those situations defeat you. Take the opportunity to learn about yourself. And the world around you...it is truly worth your while.
But the other fact is that people do a dance in relationships. My problem areas are likely to become problems with other people who have their own weak spots. I've found it useful to be aware of patterns in people. But sometimes, because I want to get along, I ignore those patterns. People do that. We see something that is a problem in someone we are invested in...and we choose to ignore it. Until our issue and their issue shows. And it explodes. In maturity, and in recovery, people would confront the issue before it explodes. Or work it out after the explosion. But for some people it is more comfortable to push people away. If there is a problem, close the door. Get rid of the person. I can tell you that we have probably all done this. In this situation, I recently experienced, I found myself doing it also.
So, what am I going to do with this? I am going to work on many things as a consequence of my recent issue. First, I will remember that presentation means a lot. And I will also remember that people don't see your intent on the Internet. I will try (yet again) to examine how what I am saying is received. I will make amends where I am able. I will recognize (yet again) that ignoring problematic patterns in other people doesn't work. I will try to stand up and say...this is wrong. I will recommit to opening doors instead of closing them. In short, I will take a situation that made me sad and make it positive. I will try to grow from my mistakes.
We all confront these core issue situations. How do you handle them? Don't let those situations defeat you. Take the opportunity to learn about yourself. And the world around you...it is truly worth your while.
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