I have lived with mental illness my whole life. From a childhood spent with Maxine, to time with my mentally ill clients, to my own struggles....I have had the opportunity to learn..and learn I did. I earned an undergraduate degree. I did graduate work. Twice. Which I didn't complete. Because of life circumstances. And because of depression along with the underlying belief that I'm not capable.
I worked for years in social services. And my people skills served me well. I have reached out to people and influenced their lives in positive ways. Many times, they have come back to tell me that I have had meaning in their recovery.
But the gift I gave to other people regarding the tools they could use to recover didn't extend to my life. I have been in the hospital. Had lots of therapy. Yet, I have had few periods in my life in which I could say: I am OK. I am peaceful. I can do this. So, how could someone with the smarts that I have struggle so much? The short answer is biochemistry. As you know, mental illness is part of my genetic makeup. As well as the fact that underlying my attempts to recover was the belief that I am somehow not worthy. Self-sabotage, thy name is Judy.
What has changed? I am aging. And I FINALLY realized that I am responsible for the quality of the rest of my life. I can choose pain and misery. I can also choose peace, love, and comfort. I can use the tools that my head knows about. Or I can continue to sabotage my life. As I have said previously, problems remain. But the way I approach them makes a big difference. Every day I do something to nurture my recovery. Whether it is taking medicine or cooking myself dinner instead of relying on fast food, I am trying to show Judy that I am committed to her recovery. And I can finally see a future. Maybe I am healing the disconnect between head and heart.
What about you? Do you know more than you actually use? Is it more important for you to 'help' others than to care for yourself? Take charge of your health and choose recovery today. Believe it or not, it really is all about you. Wishing you all the peace and love you can handle. You deserve it.
I worked for years in social services. And my people skills served me well. I have reached out to people and influenced their lives in positive ways. Many times, they have come back to tell me that I have had meaning in their recovery.
But the gift I gave to other people regarding the tools they could use to recover didn't extend to my life. I have been in the hospital. Had lots of therapy. Yet, I have had few periods in my life in which I could say: I am OK. I am peaceful. I can do this. So, how could someone with the smarts that I have struggle so much? The short answer is biochemistry. As you know, mental illness is part of my genetic makeup. As well as the fact that underlying my attempts to recover was the belief that I am somehow not worthy. Self-sabotage, thy name is Judy.
What has changed? I am aging. And I FINALLY realized that I am responsible for the quality of the rest of my life. I can choose pain and misery. I can also choose peace, love, and comfort. I can use the tools that my head knows about. Or I can continue to sabotage my life. As I have said previously, problems remain. But the way I approach them makes a big difference. Every day I do something to nurture my recovery. Whether it is taking medicine or cooking myself dinner instead of relying on fast food, I am trying to show Judy that I am committed to her recovery. And I can finally see a future. Maybe I am healing the disconnect between head and heart.
What about you? Do you know more than you actually use? Is it more important for you to 'help' others than to care for yourself? Take charge of your health and choose recovery today. Believe it or not, it really is all about you. Wishing you all the peace and love you can handle. You deserve it.
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