Depression is a place of anger and sadness. Nothing about depression leads to the feeling that you are worthwhile. It is a biochemical monster that leads one to believe they are worthless. And it takes much work to change that mindset. I think that the moment that I successfully began to change negative messages about what I am worth is when I put my family history into my blog. And was able to recognize what kind of strength I have had. In spite of my faults. In spite of my bad decisions. Starting with the nasty and negative messages I got from Maxine about my worth...from the time she ignored me or called me a 'slut' at 8 years of age. To the times that she yelled whenever I tried to get her to change her behavior. I heard, and internalized, those messages. And I continued them.
I have had a lifetime of judging myself as not good enough. And enough failure to confirm those negative thoughts. From problems in my career to divorce. To incomplete attempts to further my education. From loss of friendships and family to difficulties with money. All my problems. All my faults. Which inevitably led me to an in inability to see the positive. I raised a child by myself. I survived the difficulties of being a single-parent. I have a loving and respectful relationship with my daughter. I have impacted many lives through my work in social services. I am loving. I am funny. I am a supportive friend and Mom. I am fun. And pretty smart. I am truly a people-person.
How do you see yourself? As the totally negative person your depression leads you to see? Or do you see yourself as what you are? A mixture of good and bad with the potential to improve. We all have strengths and weaknesses. But we have the choice between living in our negatives or developing our strengths. And depression can lead to making the wrong choice. You are capable. Make the effort to look at yourself as someone who can win. Seize the moment and nurture your spirit. Don't tear yourself down. I know...deep down...that the healthy part of Maxine would love my new attitude. Don't let the disease win. Find yourself.
I have had a lifetime of judging myself as not good enough. And enough failure to confirm those negative thoughts. From problems in my career to divorce. To incomplete attempts to further my education. From loss of friendships and family to difficulties with money. All my problems. All my faults. Which inevitably led me to an in inability to see the positive. I raised a child by myself. I survived the difficulties of being a single-parent. I have a loving and respectful relationship with my daughter. I have impacted many lives through my work in social services. I am loving. I am funny. I am a supportive friend and Mom. I am fun. And pretty smart. I am truly a people-person.
How do you see yourself? As the totally negative person your depression leads you to see? Or do you see yourself as what you are? A mixture of good and bad with the potential to improve. We all have strengths and weaknesses. But we have the choice between living in our negatives or developing our strengths. And depression can lead to making the wrong choice. You are capable. Make the effort to look at yourself as someone who can win. Seize the moment and nurture your spirit. Don't tear yourself down. I know...deep down...that the healthy part of Maxine would love my new attitude. Don't let the disease win. Find yourself.
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