Even if I wasn't always able to show it to her, Maxine taught me what compassion is. Growing up with her illness, I found myself swinging between periods of anger and other times when I could put myself in her shoes. At those times, I could understand her vulnerability and pain. Sometimes it was easier to be angry. There is some energy in anger, after all. When I am tuned into pain, I frequently feel this overwhelming hopelessness that follows me around during depression. No energy in that. But that awareness of pain is good in one way. It led to the development of compassion as my basic method of dealing with other people. Seeing the pain that Maxine experienced literally taught me compassion.
I am very conscious of the importance of compassion at this moment. When I call my Aunt A., I am reminded of her Alzheimer's disease. She tells me about how she is struggling with memory. While she stubbornly tries to maintain her independence, she is fast losing her ability to function. I can hear her deterioration in the difficulty she has with conversation. I can hear it when she talks about how she is grateful for the support of her children...then in the next breath says that she wishes they wouldn't watch over her so closely. I can hear her pain. And I feel compassion.
Make no mistake, A. feels my compassion for her. She feels it when I call her on a regular basis. She hears it when I tell her how much I love her. She knows that I am there for her. Even those times when she is struggling to remember how to do basic tasks. I know that she will eventually forget who I am. And the phone calls will cease. But until that time, I know my Aunt will know I love her. She won't feel my judgement. She won't feel my anger. She will feel my compassion. She will feel my love.
While I know it was a different situation with Maxine, I wish I had been able to be that way with her. My anger was predominant much of the time I spent with her. But now I know...compassion is more powerful than anger. Because it is connected to love. Compassion and love combined create caring. That might not cure mental illness or Alzheimer's Disease. But it is a powerful tool for providing comfort. For all involved.
Are you able to find your compassion, love, and caring...even as you struggle through the hard times? Are you exhausted as you deal with the crisis involved with dealing with your loved one? The first step is to find support for yourself. Whether through a support group, therapy, or reaching out to a friend. As always...feel free to reach out to me. I would love to help you find your compassion. For your loved one and yourself.
I am very conscious of the importance of compassion at this moment. When I call my Aunt A., I am reminded of her Alzheimer's disease. She tells me about how she is struggling with memory. While she stubbornly tries to maintain her independence, she is fast losing her ability to function. I can hear her deterioration in the difficulty she has with conversation. I can hear it when she talks about how she is grateful for the support of her children...then in the next breath says that she wishes they wouldn't watch over her so closely. I can hear her pain. And I feel compassion.
Make no mistake, A. feels my compassion for her. She feels it when I call her on a regular basis. She hears it when I tell her how much I love her. She knows that I am there for her. Even those times when she is struggling to remember how to do basic tasks. I know that she will eventually forget who I am. And the phone calls will cease. But until that time, I know my Aunt will know I love her. She won't feel my judgement. She won't feel my anger. She will feel my compassion. She will feel my love.
While I know it was a different situation with Maxine, I wish I had been able to be that way with her. My anger was predominant much of the time I spent with her. But now I know...compassion is more powerful than anger. Because it is connected to love. Compassion and love combined create caring. That might not cure mental illness or Alzheimer's Disease. But it is a powerful tool for providing comfort. For all involved.
Are you able to find your compassion, love, and caring...even as you struggle through the hard times? Are you exhausted as you deal with the crisis involved with dealing with your loved one? The first step is to find support for yourself. Whether through a support group, therapy, or reaching out to a friend. As always...feel free to reach out to me. I would love to help you find your compassion. For your loved one and yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment