This week, a friend of mine shared her struggles with depression after a divorce. As a consequence of her divorce, it appears that she started taking some kind of medication for her depression. And while she took the medication for her depression, she wasn't so thrilled with the results. She had some long-term effects that apparently outweigh the benefits. I understand this. Medication is usually only part of the solution. And there are side-effects to many medications. I have struggled with side-effects myself. At one point, I was taking an anti-depressant that caused me to sweat. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing. I have to admit that I was VERY tempted to quit taking it. But the anti-depressant itself worked. I could tell a huge difference in my ability to cope. So, I stuck it out based on reassurance from my doctor that the sweating might eventually stop. It did and I still take that medication. It's still working and I'm satisfied. I noticed that many of the people that spoke up to support my friend were anti-medication. Sometimes it was based on personal experiences. Other times there was the belief that doctors prescribe medication too quickly. I understand that reaction. However, I was struck with the thought that if you go to a doctor for an issue like depression, he/she will look for a medical solution. Usually medical solutions involve medication. However, there really are other tools in the toolbox.
I was divorced many years ago. When you are divorced, whether it is expected or not...it is a shock to your system. Divorce feels like a death. It's natural to have mood disturbances as a result. Depression is a perfectly normal response. Even someone without any history of depression might have problems at a time like that. For some people, medication is a helpful approach. But rarely should it be the only approach. We've talked about the tools before. Support is a basic tool, both from friends and from support groups. Counseling from a therapist or other mental health professional can also be helpful. There are many divorce groups out there. When I went through my divorce, I attended such a group. For a time, it was helpful because I could relate to the experiences of the other people in the group. The facilitator also had excellent ideas for helping with the recovery process. My group was very focused on providing education. While we had a chance to share, we spent more time getting information on the grieving process and tools that could help us move past the most difficult parts of a divorce.
My friend identified isolation as a key issue for her. I also understand that. The combination of the new reality that I was a single-parent and the fact that I was working full-time kept me busy. And I have to admit, depression sometimes did keep me isolated. What kinds of options are out there for a person newly single and determined to start a new life? Well, the reality is that it is difficult. Working through the pain isn't easy. Being social at a time like that can be tough. But, there are options. Meetup can provide opportunities to see people. I didn't have the benefit of having old friends to socialize. I moved just prior to my divorce so I had to make a new support system. Work provided one opportunity. I did have friends and support at work. But I also stepped out of my comfort zone and met new people through a singles group. I found that getting into a new relationship too soon was risky. I made my share of bad decisions. At that point, therapy WAS important to help me navigate the minefields. While it didn't keep me from making the mistakes, it did help me to get out of them.
To summarize, medication isn't always the answer. Sometimes it is part of an overall plan to deal with the feelings and damage to your psyche that is likely to happen as a result of the failure of your marriage and the fallout from the divorce. Be gentle with yourself. This is a hard time. It is natural that you should experience pain. Reach out and ask for the love that you deserve. If you ever feel the need for support, I am certainly there for you. Finally, give it time. Getting back to 'normal' really is a process. It gets better over time.
I was divorced many years ago. When you are divorced, whether it is expected or not...it is a shock to your system. Divorce feels like a death. It's natural to have mood disturbances as a result. Depression is a perfectly normal response. Even someone without any history of depression might have problems at a time like that. For some people, medication is a helpful approach. But rarely should it be the only approach. We've talked about the tools before. Support is a basic tool, both from friends and from support groups. Counseling from a therapist or other mental health professional can also be helpful. There are many divorce groups out there. When I went through my divorce, I attended such a group. For a time, it was helpful because I could relate to the experiences of the other people in the group. The facilitator also had excellent ideas for helping with the recovery process. My group was very focused on providing education. While we had a chance to share, we spent more time getting information on the grieving process and tools that could help us move past the most difficult parts of a divorce.
My friend identified isolation as a key issue for her. I also understand that. The combination of the new reality that I was a single-parent and the fact that I was working full-time kept me busy. And I have to admit, depression sometimes did keep me isolated. What kinds of options are out there for a person newly single and determined to start a new life? Well, the reality is that it is difficult. Working through the pain isn't easy. Being social at a time like that can be tough. But, there are options. Meetup can provide opportunities to see people. I didn't have the benefit of having old friends to socialize. I moved just prior to my divorce so I had to make a new support system. Work provided one opportunity. I did have friends and support at work. But I also stepped out of my comfort zone and met new people through a singles group. I found that getting into a new relationship too soon was risky. I made my share of bad decisions. At that point, therapy WAS important to help me navigate the minefields. While it didn't keep me from making the mistakes, it did help me to get out of them.
To summarize, medication isn't always the answer. Sometimes it is part of an overall plan to deal with the feelings and damage to your psyche that is likely to happen as a result of the failure of your marriage and the fallout from the divorce. Be gentle with yourself. This is a hard time. It is natural that you should experience pain. Reach out and ask for the love that you deserve. If you ever feel the need for support, I am certainly there for you. Finally, give it time. Getting back to 'normal' really is a process. It gets better over time.
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