Of course there are always obstacles. Our dreams don't just happen. And sometimes those obstacles are emotional. They're the result of how we view ourselves and our lives. We create barriers just by the way we think about ourselves. My daughter is a very talented singer. As a young child, she was comfortable singing in public. In elementary school, she sang a solo in front of an entire auditorium filled with parents and children. She belted out that song like she was as comfortable on stage as she was in our living room. My daughter's voice and spirit were touching and impressive. In her voice, you could feel her enthusiasm for the art. It was astounding how open and comfortable she was. I remember feeling touched by her performance. J. kept performing for a significant period of time. And I was always touched by her talent and stage presence. Her childhood was filled with participation in choirs and concerts. It was wonderful. She was part of two very impressive children's choirs and even sang on television and with the Nashville symphony.
But at a certain point, her anxiety kicked in. I'm not sure when that happened. But the difference in her willingness to sing a solo was very evident. I remember a couple of painful attempts to sing that were clear evidence that my beautiful daughter was dealing with something. The choirs continued to be workable. Throughout high school, J. used her voice and talent. But once she reached adulthood, it seemed like the singing stopped. I miss it. I miss that confidence. Now, J. is acknowledging the role that anxiety played in all of this. She deals with it the best that she can. I am proud of her. Truly. But I remember my child prior to the problem with anxiety.
So, what is the point? I see the same pattern in myself. As an adult, I've learned that I can come up with all kinds of excuses that justify putting something off. And at the bottom of that pattern is that anxiety. My self-talk is usually negative at those times...and mostly focused on why I can't do something. I'm working on changing that. The area that this shows up in is in moving past my blog into publishing a book. And I have had all sorts of real obstacles: I work full-time. I have had computer problems, so I'm not always able to sit down and write. I really need an editor to help me organize and cohesively format. I can't afford an editor. But there are options for dealing with the issues. I can identify steps that I can take to make this whole process do-able. I know how to fundraise through a Kickstarter campaign. It IS possible to deal with the concrete issues. But the psychological issues actually require MORE work. And the willingness to take risks. I have to believe in myself in order to move forward. Coming up with that self-confidence isn't as easy as it sounds. To sum it up, I can be my own worst enemy.
In order for me to achieve my dreams, I have to believe. It is certainly worth the effort to deal with the anxiety in order to do that. I am grateful for the medication that I'm taking, because without that I would be stuck in the anxiety. I wouldn't necessarily have the balance to recognize that it isn't about my circumstances..it is about ME! Can you identify spaces in your life when it is about you instead of what you are dealing with? I would love to hear about how you relate....
But at a certain point, her anxiety kicked in. I'm not sure when that happened. But the difference in her willingness to sing a solo was very evident. I remember a couple of painful attempts to sing that were clear evidence that my beautiful daughter was dealing with something. The choirs continued to be workable. Throughout high school, J. used her voice and talent. But once she reached adulthood, it seemed like the singing stopped. I miss it. I miss that confidence. Now, J. is acknowledging the role that anxiety played in all of this. She deals with it the best that she can. I am proud of her. Truly. But I remember my child prior to the problem with anxiety.
So, what is the point? I see the same pattern in myself. As an adult, I've learned that I can come up with all kinds of excuses that justify putting something off. And at the bottom of that pattern is that anxiety. My self-talk is usually negative at those times...and mostly focused on why I can't do something. I'm working on changing that. The area that this shows up in is in moving past my blog into publishing a book. And I have had all sorts of real obstacles: I work full-time. I have had computer problems, so I'm not always able to sit down and write. I really need an editor to help me organize and cohesively format. I can't afford an editor. But there are options for dealing with the issues. I can identify steps that I can take to make this whole process do-able. I know how to fundraise through a Kickstarter campaign. It IS possible to deal with the concrete issues. But the psychological issues actually require MORE work. And the willingness to take risks. I have to believe in myself in order to move forward. Coming up with that self-confidence isn't as easy as it sounds. To sum it up, I can be my own worst enemy.
In order for me to achieve my dreams, I have to believe. It is certainly worth the effort to deal with the anxiety in order to do that. I am grateful for the medication that I'm taking, because without that I would be stuck in the anxiety. I wouldn't necessarily have the balance to recognize that it isn't about my circumstances..it is about ME! Can you identify spaces in your life when it is about you instead of what you are dealing with? I would love to hear about how you relate....
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