At a
certain point in my life, I became aware that Maxine was a gift. With all the difficulty of coping with the
symptoms of her mental illness, she left me with much knowledge. Not the least of which is the recognition
that I have to deal with the worst in myself as much as I need to recognize the
good stuff. Yes, her disease caused pain
for my family. Yes, I think we have all
been impacted…reaching down into my daughter’s life. But the impact has been positive in some
ways. I have talked about this
before. I think that understanding
oneself and seeing family patterns has a lot to do with moving forward.
When we
talk about the biochemical aspect of mental illness, we are talking about a
problem that may be of a more long-standing nature. Once, when talking to someone in an intake to
get services, I shared the fact that my Mom didn’t bathe when she got sick. The intake person asked me: “Do you seem to
have that problem sometimes?” I had
never thought about it in that way, but when I am depressed, I have to fight
with myself to get into a shower. That
question gave me some perspective. Made
it less about a personal failing and more about the impact of being depressed. And it led to recognition that my Mom
struggled. Really struggled. With something that was powerful and
overwhelming. It also made me aware that
the people that I worked with might have some family history that I didn’t
always know. What symptoms did they
share with another person in the family?
What might be environmental, and what might be biochemical/genetic?
As a case
manager, I was focused on problem-solving.
I wanted to deal with the problems that a chronically and severely
mentally ill person faced on a daily basis.
Health, medicine, finances, housing…all the things that contribute to
the crisis in mental health care today.
On a national level. When we talk
about treatment, we are talking about a multi-faceted problem. We struggle with the cost of treating
adequately. And we also struggle with
the cost of not treating adequately. But in dealing with clients, I didn’t
always look at the total impact. I didn’t
always know about the parent with some of the same problems. Or the aunt or uncle that was ‘strange’. What in
the family history is kind of like the current problem? In Landmark, we talked
about how if you are living in the past; you are not living in today. That is totally true. But like with my little issue with showers,
sometimes looking at the past gives us a picture into the ‘why’ of today. This ends up providing us with a more
complete picture of the problem.
My issue with
showers isn’t as severe as what Mom dealt with. In normal times, I shower more
than regularly. When depressed, it is a
little different. And while many
depressed people have the symptom, knowing about my Mom gives my issue a little
more context. And reminds me that I am
part of this longer-term problem. I am
truly my mother’s daughter. But because I
have more knowledge today than she did, I am truly blessed. I love you, Mom. I get it now.
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