Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Beauty is truly NOT always just skin deep...


My friend sent me a wonderful video.  Kathy is also a writer.  I see Kathy as gorgeous, with a beautiful smile, wonderful hair, and a great spirit that just shines.  So, if you were to ask me about how she looks, I would have plenty to talk about.  And it would be all good.  That was the point of the video she sent me.  Here is the link:  http://bit.ly/YtXPSu.  It is about how women see themselves.  And the beauty they don’t recognize.  In this video, women describe themselves.  A forensic artist makes a drawing based on the women as they see themselves.   He doesn’t look at the women that he is drawing.  They are hidden from his view.  The portrait is based on what THEY tell him.  Then he draws them as another person describes them.  The difference in the two drawings is pretty apparent.  It is obvious that an outside observer is more kind.  The outside observer is more likely to recognize the beauty of the women.  The looks on the faces of the women are incredible as they look at the differences between these two pictures.  One of the women says:  “It couldn’t be more critical to our happiness.”   It is pointed out that how we look at ourselves impacts jobs, friends, and how we treat our children.  I think most women can relate. 

So, how does this relate to mental illness?  I have often discussed how my view of myself and my beauty has always been pretty negative.  Even today, when C. tells me that I am pretty, I am kind of surprised.  To be honest, I wonder what he wants out of me, because I still have those negative messages that intrude. (He couldn’t possibly be telling me that I am pretty because he really thinks so.  Could he?)  When I look back at the clients that I dealt with, I know that many of them felt the same way. I remember one young woman clearly. Maureen was pretty and young.  She had been a musician. And apparently, she enjoyed some success in that career. At the time that I worked with her, however, she had not been able to work because her depression was debilitating.   She was attempting to use her knowledge about music to start a career writing freelance. She was truly struggling.  But every time I went to visit her, I was so awed by her talent and her beauty.  If I EVER believed that a client of mine had the seeds of greatness in her, this young woman was definitely one of the ones that I hoped would recognize what she had.  But what did Maureen see when she looked in the mirror?  Did she see what I saw?  I sincerely doubt it.  As with most depressed people, she saw only the negative.  Just like on the video, she saw the problems. It was very interesting to me that as I watched that video, Maureen was one of the first people I thought about.  I would like to add that Maureen has made considerable progress. She is an accomplished and successful woman.  And she remains beautiful.

As the woman on the video said, “It couldn’t be more critical to our happiness”.  *I am reminded from my recent reading that women are 70% more likely to suffer from depression than men. Beauty, talent, and worth.  Intelligence and ability.  How many of us don’t believe we have ‘it’?  Whatever ‘it’ is. And it does contribute to our depression. I know it does. That is why I need affirmations like a dying plant needs water. Because I am thirsting for my own approval. Can you relate to this?  I believe many of you do.  I think it is so important to recognize how the way you see yourself impacts your mood disorder.  I invite you to look into a mirror. Then I want you to talk to yourself about the beauty you see in front of you. Seriously.  What is it that you like about the person staring back at you?  Talk about your looks.  And talk about your character.  Make it positive and loving.  If you find that you can’t be positive, contact me. I know that we can work together to identify the things that are beautiful about you.  There is no reason for you to die of thirst. You really are beautiful.               

*NAMI pamphlet

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