A Chance Meeting...

The other day, I had a wonderful chance meeting.  Although I don’t always do this for myself, because I have financial problems, I had gone out to breakfast.  To treat myself.  And as I sat there and drank my coffee, I began to be aware of conversation behind me.  I knew that I was violating privacy by listening, but the conversation was so delicious that I couldn’t help it.  It appeared to be three old friends chatting about aging, doctors, and other issues that only old friends would talk about.  With good humor.  And great affection for each other.  It was wonderful and warm conversation.  So, I turned and introduced myself and told the three individuals how much I appreciated their conversation.  At that point, I became part of the conversation.

When they asked about me, I told them about my blog.  And we started talking about mental illness.  This led to further wonderful conversation.  One of the individuals at that table was Kathy.  As Kathy introduced herself, I found out that she is actually diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  Apparently, her disease is not all that progressed because she was one of the key participants in the conversation.  And she was warm, witty and wise.  As we were talking about mental illness and whether Alzheimer’s disease is actually a mental illness, I found out a lot about her. First of all, she had spent many years ministering to people in prison.  And she talked about how she spoke to the prisoners about how they are the “fingerprint” in the world that they make themselves to be.  The” fingerprint” that you leave can be good or bad.  But it can always change.  

Kathy seemed to be very aware of the power of our words. We had terrific back and forth discussion about why I call myself mentally ill. She was concerned that I call myself mentally ill over depression…which she viewed as not so serious. I explained about my family history and the impact that depression has on people. And their lives. I also explained my belief that the impact of our words are connected to how we define our words. The words ‘mentally ill’ are only bad when we don’t recognize that illness is not something that we should attach blame to. The words themselves simply mean that our brain has an illness. It doesn’t mean we are bad. There is no right or wrong attached. WE attach the significance.  

As we continued our discussion, Kathy told me that she argued with her doctor about whether he should put the word ‘dementia’ into her chart.  Instead, she requested that he replace it with the words ‘accelerated cognitive disorder’.  I understand.  I have spent a lot of time being controlled by words.  I wouldn’t have told you that I have a mental illness prior to writing this blog.  Because accepting the fact that I had an illness DID have meaning for me.  And it had much to do with my worth as a person. I defined mental illness as something that happens only to weak people. And I didn’t want to be seen as weak. I had to take out the blame in the equation to move forward. 

So, what has changed for me in my willingness to accept the words?  I recognize that having a mental illness becomes just something that is.  Like the fact that I have diabetes. Or the fact that I have dark brown hair, which is turning gray. Or the fact that I am short.  And the way forward is to just deal with ‘what is’.  I am not my illness. But I can make life a bit more comfortable by dealing with the impact of the disease. So, while I truly respect the spirit of my new friend…I can see that she is very impacted by the power of the words.  Whatever is going to happen in her future with her disease is going to happen.  Changing what the doctor writes in the chart won’t change that. But if she changes the focus from the power that she sees in the words to what she can do to take care of herself and come to acceptance, much can be possible. And I totally believe that she is a woman of great power. In spite of life’s challenges.   

Do you see anything for yourself in this discussion? How do you define yourself? How do labels impact your view of yourself?  And ultimately, what does that really mean?  I would love to hear your thoughts.